Anonymous wrote:OP, your post makes me very sad. Maybe you need to step back and look at your comments about her. My mom did the same thing you did. My sibling was the "smart" one.. the one who would succeed and I would not amount to much. She got sent to the ivy and I went to a small private school (at my mom's insistence that I hated and then transferred to a large university that I loved). My mom pegged me as not doing much as school was a struggle. She helped some, but if she had really focused on my needs instead of her wishes it would have helped. Needless to say, I found a major I liked, did very well in college and graduate school. Came out, got good jobs (in a low paying field but that is what I choose), met and married an amazing husband and we have a terrific kid. You don't know what special needs is till you have one. My child is true special needs so I stayed home with him to make sure he gets everything he needs in terms of therapy and attention. Consider your daughter a blessing and don't rule out her potential. If she were in the right school with the right supports, she may thrive. Online school without a lot of help is not the best choice for someone struggling. She needs a lot of hands on/showing rather than lecturing and memorizing. I'd look at one of the social services/helping professions. Many require papers, not tests for the specific classes. On the other hand, my sibling did well at her ivy league but took an easy/well paying job in the field (9-5 where most work twice that much) and has never married - a few long term relationships and is not happy at all without marriage or a child. So, in the end, which is better? Now I have a great husband who makes enough where we live comfortably and not lavishly and my mom denies all the things she said about me after my husband called her on it and we even walked out of a holiday meal after she/sibling was being so vicious about it.

Look at her current school choice, look at getting more supportive services and change your attitude.

Are you joking? My daughter isn't "true special needs"? I spend about 40 percent of my life in a hospital room with her. WTF??? yeah, I have no clue what having a special needs kid is like, you're right. Im glad your kid is "more special needs than my kid". You're a jerk.

Good lord, I never said she wouldn't amount to much, and I certainly don't think it. I have said many times, that she WILL be fully self supportive and that she has gifts OTHER than academics which I know will make her successful. And I have spent the past 10 plus years going to over 65 IEP meetings, I have emptied out my 401(k) plan and savings to hire educational advocates, only to then have to pull her out and spend thousands every year on schooling to help my kid...but I am just like your mom who didn't focus on your needs? Screw you, frankly. You have no clue what I have done for my kid. I have sacrificed just about everything in my life for this kid. The ones who suffer, if any of my kids, are my other children who don't get nearly the time and focus as my SN kid does.

Ugh, seriously, I SO didn't need those comments today. I hope you feel better now that you vented to me and got some of your mommy issues out of your system.

OP, the most important thing, IMO, is that you don't seem to be pushing your daughter to be someone she's not. As a teacher, I can't tell you the number of students I've had whose very high-achieving parents wouldn't/couldn't accept their child might be average. In fact, I had a father say that to me..."So, you're telling me my son is average," with a look of utter disdain on his face, after I told him that his son struggled to write a complete paragraph, but was social and well-liked by his peers.

On the worrisome side, you seem to be cutting off options for your DD by either assuming she can't do the job (corporate world) or the job doesn't pay enough to meet your standards. 50K is not going to keep her in high fashion and a penthouse, but plenty of people do just fine on 50k. It's not living in poverty.

Why not send her to college, see how it goes, and let her figure it out (with a little bit of guidance from you). Is there a subject she enjoys more than others, even art or music? Maybe she'll discover her passion while in college by taking new classes on topics she hasn't even considered at this point. For example, if she enjoys art she could become a graphic designer, which would be in a corporate setting but draws on a different skills et than, say, lawyer. She still needs to learn to organize/manage her work, but those are skills you can help her develop now, and should be developing in preparation for college. As an aside, have you considered two years at the local community college, followed by two years away? Or a PG year? I do believe though that there is a college for everyone and PPs had lots of good suggestions for places to look. Also recommend Manhattanville, Pace University, Quinnipiac, and Marist.

As for your request for stories, my two cousins have ADHD. One had a ton of support in high school, went away to college, and is now successfully employed in the hospitality industry. The other also suffered from social anxiety and his parents pushed him to go away for college bc that's what is "done" in our family. It was an unmitigated disaster, he only lasted one semester, bounced around for awhile and ended up in college part time while living at home and working. Took him six years to graduate but now a successful salesman at a BMW dealership (he loves cars, while in college saved all his money for a trip to the BMW factory in Germany). Last, my other cousin, a female, is in the pretty but not so smart category. She does really well in communications for a Wall Street company.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.

Why? She admits she's never been very ambitious and loves her job: it's very flexible and she can travel for free. She could have stopped working a long time ago if she'd wanted to.

She works for one of the major airlines, is unionized, with excellent benefits.

She also is opening up a store selling gourmet ice cream (not in this area) which her daughter will help run although her ultimate ambition is to become a riding coach (horses).

OP, there are lots of options. Good people skills are a gift!

Anonymous wrote:OP, a private college counselor might be a great option for your daughter. They will have many recommendations for colleges that will be a good fit for her. Also, you will possibly have a better time working with one than many other families because much of their client base is families who are trying to get their child into Ivies. Your case is almost easy!

With her health concerns, I'm imagining proximity to good medical care is also a consideration, so some of the rural schools might not be a great option (I am the PP who gave you a list of careers and potential colleges).

I advised to stay away from the party schools, because for a student who isn't as motivated academically, and is VERY pretty and personable, I could see a girl like that getting super involved with greek life and party life and really not getting much out of college at all and possibly flunking out.

OP and I totally agree with you! I can tell you right now she would slide right into greek life, and would most certainly be at risk for flunking out.

I was just unaware that private guidance counselors existed. I'll google...thank you!

Anonymous wrote:flight attendants are expected to lose job prospects by 7% over the next 10 years. (Perhaps due partially to automation, and partially due to mergers?)
In addition, many airlines are now hiring college grads, as the number of applications grows and the pool of applicants is much larger.
Today, 50% of flight attendants are college graduates.

yeah, but there are a lot of colleges out there. The OP's daughter can get into one of them.

OP, your post makes me very sad. Maybe you need to step back and look at your comments about her. My mom did the same thing you did. My sibling was the "smart" one.. the one who would succeed and I would not amount to much. She got sent to the ivy and I went to a small private school (at my mom's insistence that I hated and then transferred to a large university that I loved). My mom pegged me as not doing much as school was a struggle. She helped some, but if she had really focused on my needs instead of her wishes it would have helped. Needless to say, I found a major I liked, did very well in college and graduate school. Came out, got good jobs (in a low paying field but that is what I choose), met and married an amazing husband and we have a terrific kid. You don't know what special needs is till you have one. My child is true special needs so I stayed home with him to make sure he gets everything he needs in terms of therapy and attention. Consider your daughter a blessing and don't rule out her potential. If she were in the right school with the right supports, she may thrive. Online school without a lot of help is not the best choice for someone struggling. She needs a lot of hands on/showing rather than lecturing and memorizing. I'd look at one of the social services/helping professions. Many require papers, not tests for the specific classes. On the other hand, my sibling did well at her ivy league but took an easy/well paying job in the field (9-5 where most work twice that much) and has never married - a few long term relationships and is not happy at all without marriage or a child. So, in the end, which is better? Now I have a great husband who makes enough where we live comfortably and not lavishly and my mom denies all the things she said about me after my husband called her on it and we even walked out of a holiday meal after she/sibling was being so vicious about it.

Look at her current school choice, look at getting more supportive services and change your attitude.

flight attendants are expected to lose job prospects by 7% over the next 10 years. (Perhaps due partially to automation, and partially due to mergers?)
In addition, many airlines are now hiring college grads, as the number of applications grows and the pool of applicants is much larger.
Today, 50% of flight attendants are college graduates.

OP, a private college counselor might be a great option for your daughter. They will have many recommendations for colleges that will be a good fit for her. Also, you will possibly have a better time working with one than many other families because much of their client base is families who are trying to get their child into Ivies. Your case is almost easy!

With her health concerns, I'm imagining proximity to good medical care is also a consideration, so some of the rural schools might not be a great option (I am the PP who gave you a list of careers and potential colleges).

I advised to stay away from the party schools, because for a student who isn't as motivated academically, and is VERY pretty and personable, I could see a girl like that getting super involved with greek life and party life and really not getting much out of college at all and possibly flunking out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks~

Her people skills are really really good already. She has a part time job as a hostess at a restaurant on the weekends, and really enjoys being around people ALL the time. She's really chatty, even with adults who are total strangers.
So while she does not have the intelligence, she definitely has other gifts...(and beauty, which honestly I know will help her out!-does that sound awful too?? lol)

shouts Flight Attendant to me.

+10000 I have a family member who was totally written off and is a HUGELY successful (beyond anyone else in our ivy/egghead professional family)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.

Why? She admits she's never been very ambitious and loves her job: it's very flexible and she can travel for free. She could have stopped working a long time ago if she'd wanted to.

She works for one of the major airlines, is unionized, with excellent benefits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.

Why? She admits she's never been very ambitious and loves her job: it's very flexible and she can travel for free. She could have stopped working a long time ago if she'd wanted to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.

Not the PP but why is that so hard to believe? I have a friend who graduated from a very good school, got a job as a flight attendant at a private airline, traveled the world for five years, and now teaches art at a private school in NYC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.

OP here...this was NOT my comment, just to be clear~

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a loving supportive mom. Find a private guidance counselor. Also contact your local public school and see if you have access to the counselors. Maybe also contact homeschool group and see what resources they use.

Thanks, I appreciate that. There's such a thing as a private guidance counselor?? Who knew??

Already tried the public high school, we aren't allowed access.

Tried homeschool groups as well, but its funny, the homeschoolers really thin out around high school. I guess that's not suprising.

That's why I wound up here, although I wasn't prepared for the beating

Median household income in the US is around $53,000 a year.

http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/00000.html

Tons of families make it on 50 grand a year.