ooh! First kiss was in 7th grade. It was heaven Not sure what the problem is

No. Grow a spine. Set some limits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A MS couple bought their items and there was a couple of high school girls in line behind them. When the HS girls got to the register, my sister could overhear their conversation. It was along the lines of "Middle school girls are such sluts. I am so happy I am beyond that age."

If my younger sister were telling me this story, we would not be talking about what middle school girls may or may not be doing. We would be talking about what the word "slut" means, and why we need to stop using that word.

I would say a middle school girl buying adult lingerie to share with and model for her 13 year old boyfriend would likely fall into that definition.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think boys are predators at all but there is a lot of social pressure on them to make the first move and there is social pressure on them to be sexual. Young boys are socially conditioned and as they go through puberty physiologically aroused to think about sex. part of fitting in as a boy in middle school is talking about sex. They are curious about porn, about sex, about girls body parts, about arousal. They have testosterone starting to increase and are getting erections and are starting to masturbate and to be sexual beings. So middle school boys tells his friends he has a date and his friends start building up the expectations for what that means - will he kiss her? will he get aroused? etc...the talk focuses on the expectations being placed on him. Even though most of the boys may have not done really anything sexual, there is pressure to talk and act as though they know more and have done more than they have.

Do you have, or have you ever had, a son who is 13 years old? If he went to the movies with a girl, would you expect him to jump her?

No not at all, but I would be thinking his friends would be thinking that. I would hope that he would not in any way cave to peer pressure or feel like he should make some kind of move (hold her hand or kiss her) because that is expected of a him as a boy. But I know when he gets back to school friends are going to ask him about his big date - not if they had butterflies and gazed at the moonlight but if he got to kiss her or 'do' anything and he either has to lie and pretend he did or be honest and have them think he is lame for not even trying.

Pretty much most TV still puts the guy as being the one to make the moves, and that sometimes girls get bored or think the guy doesn't like them if they don't make a move. They are expected to the the leader / assertive one. Also if you look online- about 95% of the talk between boys in the 13ish to 16ish age group is about sex, mixed in with talk about video and computer games or sports.

For me I don't let my tweens date - takes the pressure off of them. They can just blame it on me being strict and they can avoid situations where they act in a way they aren't ready for or don't want to but do because of social pressure and expectations on them.

Anonymous wrote:
A MS couple bought their items and there was a couple of high school girls in line behind them. When the HS girls got to the register, my sister could overhear their conversation. It was along the lines of "Middle school girls are such sluts. I am so happy I am beyond that age."

If my younger sister were telling me this story, we would not be talking about what middle school girls may or may not be doing. We would be talking about what the word "slut" means, and why we need to stop using that word.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think boys are predators at all but there is a lot of social pressure on them to make the first move and there is social pressure on them to be sexual. Young boys are socially conditioned and as they go through puberty physiologically aroused to think about sex. part of fitting in as a boy in middle school is talking about sex. They are curious about porn, about sex, about girls body parts, about arousal. They have testosterone starting to increase and are getting erections and are starting to masturbate and to be sexual beings. So middle school boys tells his friends he has a date and his friends start building up the expectations for what that means - will he kiss her? will he get aroused? etc...the talk focuses on the expectations being placed on him. Even though most of the boys may have not done really anything sexual, there is pressure to talk and act as though they know more and have done more than they have.

Do you have, or have you ever had, a son who is 13 years old? If he went to the movies with a girl, would you expect him to jump her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. ANOTHER leap from dating to sex. What the hell people? So no one ever went roller skating or to a dance or to the arcade with a boy when they were in middle school without then jumping into bed with the boy?

Come on. And I am not even advocating for 7th grade dating, but some of you are going to have a long road ahead with this mindset.

I think that especially with the internet, kids are much more sexually promiscuous that they were even a generation ago, and at younger ages.

In 7th grade I don't know of a single girl who actually knew what a blow job was. Now, every seventh grader knows of kids their age who have given/received blow jobs.

Why does a 7th grader need to go on a one on one date?

A LOT can happen in a darkened movie theater.

You may think this. But the real actual data show otherwise.

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

no!
yikes!
hm. you can go as a family group, and they can sit somewhere else ahead of you.
or you and your spouse go and it's a double-date. again, they can sit somewhere else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know he will be all over her the minute the lights go down. So, if you are okay with that....

I have a dd19 and just this year we talked about "what if" dd14 wanted to go on a date. She said as long as it is not the movies. Upon pressure she told me middle schoolers go and "make-out and stuff" and sometimes even leave the theater. Ugh! So happy my oldest was not into dating or boys until 16 but my 14yr old seems a little more anxious.

OP, slow her down.

Another anecdotal public service message...

My sister worked at Victoria's Secret in college and throughout her 20s.

She said that parents of middle schoolers would be shocked if they knew what their kids were doing on mall "dates".

She said that MS girls and boys (easier to date that they were middle school by the boys than the girls at that age) who were at the mall in one/one situations would routinely come in a pick out lingerie, thongs, etc for themselves. From their conversations, it was clear what the purpose was.

This did not happen as often with girl/boy JH groups. Just the kids who were one/one dates.

Mom, if you want to let them do this, pick a place like bowling, rock climbing, roller skating (do they still do this???). Heck, even a paint your own pottery place.

Not the movies, and not a place like a mall where there is little supervision and lots of places to sneak out.

Oh, and one of her stories that she shared.

A MS couple bought their items and there was a couple of high school girls in line behind them. When the HS girls got to the register, my sister could overhear their conversation. It was along the lines of "Middle school girls are such sluts. I am so happy I am beyond that age."

I think that the early teens especially are so susceptible to peer pressure and pop culture. Help your kid get a little older and a give her a little more time to develop her sense of self, before letting her do a one on one date. She is twelve. There is plenty of time.

I don't think boys are predators at all but there is a lot of social pressure on them to make the first move and there is social pressure on them to be sexual. Young boys are socially conditioned and as they go through puberty physiologically aroused to think about sex. part of fitting in as a boy in middle school is talking about sex. They are curious about porn, about sex, about girls body parts, about arousal. They have testosterone starting to increase and are getting erections and are starting to masturbate and to be sexual beings. So middle school boys tells his friends he has a date and his friends start building up the expectations for what that means - will he kiss her? will he get aroused? etc...the talk focuses on the expectations being placed on him. Even though most of the boys may have not done really anything sexual, there is pressure to talk and act as though they know more and have done more than they have.

Girls in middle school are not expected to talk or act this way and they don't. They too may have new hormones and an increasing libido but there isn't pressure on them to be sexual. Girl talks about going on a date and the other girls are just excited - oooh a date, what are you going to wear? do you think he will try to kiss you? and often focus on the more romantic aspects.

And some kids in middle school are having sex. I worked in a middle school for two years and what you overhear in the hallways is kind of shocking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know he will be all over her the minute the lights go down. So, if you are okay with that....

I have a dd19 and just this year we talked about "what if" dd14 wanted to go on a date. She said as long as it is not the movies. Upon pressure she told me middle schoolers go and "make-out and stuff" and sometimes even leave the theater. Ugh! So happy my oldest was not into dating or boys until 16 but my 14yr old seems a little more anxious.

OP, slow her down.

Another anecdotal public service message...

My sister worked at Victoria's Secret in college and throughout her 20s.

She said that parents of middle schoolers would be shocked if they knew what their kids were doing on mall "dates".

She said that MS girls and boys (easier to date that they were middle school by the boys than the girls at that age) who were at the mall in one/one situations would routinely come in a pick out lingerie, thongs, etc for themselves. From their conversations, it was clear what the purpose was.

This did not happen as often with girl/boy JH groups. Just the kids who were one/one dates.

Mom, if you want to let them do this, pick a place like bowling, rock climbing, roller skating (do they still do this???). Heck, even a paint your own pottery place.

Not the movies, and not a place like a mall where there is little supervision and lots of places to sneak out.

Dude will definitely get to 3rd base

What is this a Truffaut film (SmallChange) in 1973 yeah no. Where are we, Sweden? NOPE,NOPE,NOPE

Anonymous wrote:Wow. ANOTHER leap from dating to sex. What the hell people? So no one ever went roller skating or to a dance or to the arcade with a boy when they were in middle school without then jumping into bed with the boy?

Come on. And I am not even advocating for 7th grade dating, but some of you are going to have a long road ahead with this mindset.

I think that especially with the internet, kids are much more sexually promiscuous that they were even a generation ago, and at younger ages.

In 7th grade I don't know of a single girl who actually knew what a blow job was. Now, every seventh grader knows of kids their age who have given/received blow jobs.

Why does a 7th grader need to go on a one on one date?

A LOT can happen in a darkened movie theater.

She's 12. WTH? Nope. No one-on-one dating until HS.