Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP one thing to consider - and I'm not saying this is you, just pointing out a potential problem - is that some parents are so.freaking.controlling. about their kids that it's no fun to be around them. Can't feed them one drop of sugar, can't let them see ten minutes of TV, GOD FORBID they miss one minute of sleep time. Part of the fun of being a grandparent or aunt/uncle is the ability to spoil, and goof, and giggle, and forge an independent (mostly, of course not totally) relationship with the kid/s. Too many parents forget this, and make the relative feel as if everything they do is wrong, forbidden, and frowned upon, which will drive otherwise caring and interested relatives away. At some point, it can become too much work.

Again, not saying that's you, it may not be at all. Just offering the angle. Good luck to you.

Completely on point. This generation of patents are controlling, self-absorbed and suite frankly unpleasant to be around.

Anonymous wrote:I had really amazing grandparents. They didn't babysit us. They didn't lavish us with presents. But they were always there. At everything. Sports games. Plays. School events. Birthday parties. Etc. We had sleepovers at their house. We had afterschool snacks with them. We sat with them every Sunday at church.

Proximity plays a huge roll. But my parents manage to see my kids at least once a month. We talk at least every other day, even if its just my Mom listening to the kids screaming at each other in the car. My mom knows their teachers names, their friends names, their activities, their likes and dislikes of the moment, etc. And they invite the older grandkids for Camp Mimi and Poppop every summer. One week with all kinds of fun activities.

IL's are a bit farther away, but they make no effort. If they manage to come, they often show up later than planned. (Sorry, we slept in, decided to take a long lunch, and then made 3 wrong turns so we are 8 hours late). They never seem to try to visit us. It is always on us to ask to come see them or invite them over. They don't know the kids- never talk on the phone to them- never send little cards. They are busy and have a lot going on, but its just obvious they are fine with a casual relationships. They buy token gifts at birthdays and holidays- but its not about the presents.

Its just different. Both grandparents love my kids, undoubtedly. And both probably would say they wish they saw us more. One set is just going out of their way to really establish a solid relationship despite the distance. And, knowing that it is possible, I am often sad and wonder why the other ones would not try to do the same.

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle/reconcile your feelings if you are really disappointed in your parents as grandparents? In our case, my parents and DH's parents are each divorced, so we have 4 sets of grandparents. Each set is disappointing and uninvolved! Is it a baby boomer thing? I don't know but it upsets a lot. For example, one set basically never visits or even calls the kids. Another calls occasionally and visits a couple of times of years but just doesn't connect beyond that. One of my parents have depression issues (I think), so I give them a pass for lack of involvement, but it still disappoints. The final set is very involved with a sibling and his kids - think visiting for weeks at a time, going to all the kids big events and birthdays, etc. and knowing/caring about all sort of things in their lives.

I supposed because we're coming off a holiday season where my parents didn't visit us at all - but visited each of my siblings - there is a lot of hurt. My parents don't even know enough about my kids to pick out a X-mas gift for them, so they sent cash inside a card. I hated that - it felt like they were checking a box, like, "ok, sent those kids a gift" but there was nothing festive or personal about it. After finalizing plans with the siblings, my dad would say "oh, we should come and see the kids sometime" but wouldn't commit to even a vague time frame. And, well, here we are at the end of Jan. and the holidays are long over and no visit and no mention of actually doing it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Good points all around. i suppose it is just surprising to me. I can't imagine not wanting to be involved in the lives of my grandchildren.

Anonymous wrote:Hey, I'm up for grabs -all of you folks who have absent parents to grandparent your kids. We are totally game. Our kids are not having kids. So- here we are! You need grandparents and we need grandkids.....ad we would be the best grandparents ever.

It's a DEAL.