Anonymous wrote:Unless this woman Is much older and senior to him, you should be invited. If she is truly a friend, it is appropriate to invite you.

This is insane. Men and women work together. Co-workers sometimes become friends. Sometimes friends want to talk outside the office (especially if it involves a planned work transition or issue at the company). While it's only been 10% of posters, I still can't believe people gave a problem with this. If it's too frequent, it's weird. If it's not during happy hour time or goes for hours, it's weird. If he lies about it, it's weird. If not, being psycho and paranoid is bad choice for everyone involved. And, god no, you should not invite yourself to a work conversation "unless the woman is much older and senior"--that's an insane request.

Every DH is not having or planning to have an affair. And, yes, men and women can be friends (without the man wanting anything untoward). Really.

You aren't crazy or insecure for asking. I would honestly be uncomfortable unless I knew the other person. That's just the way I feel.

Unless this woman Is much older and senior to him, you should be invited. If she is truly a friend, it is appropriate to invite you.

I wouldn't allow it. I think it's inappropriate! Who cares what everyone else is doing. You have to set guidelines within your own marriage. If you are uncomfortable with it, I don't think your reaction is unfounded.

DH here. I probably would not go for drinks with a female co-worker. Then again, like 21:08 wrote, I probably would not go for drinks with a male co-worker either.

Coffee or lunch, yes. Drinks, no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG - I have dinner / drinks with a male coworkers at least once a month. Mostly males as I am an exec in a male dominated industry. Not the same one each time - different ones. It's to ask for career advice, catch up when teams change, etc.

I also have lunch with people, get coffee with people. It never occurred to me to tell my husband ahead of time except when I won't be home for dinner. I tell him about it afterward as part of our "how was your day" conversation when I get home.

I'd also like to echo the poster above who said that if men and women can't go to dinner or drinks alone that this is one reason we need so many stupid mentoring / sponsoring programs at my workplace to help women get to senior levels. If top level men, and let's admit it's still mostly men, don't mentor and counsel women then the top rungs of corporate America stay male dominated.

It would be very awkward and unprofessional for me to have a chaperone (aka my husband) at my business meals where I'm talking financials, making deals, or strategizing about my clients.

Strangely enough, the more senior my big law partner DH has gotten, the less likely he is to go out after work with ANY co-worker, much less a single woman. He mentors several younger associates, but social interactions are limited to coffee or lunch, either of which he is happy to do.

He used to also go to happy hour type outings, but decided that it is a huge appearance problem. Plus it is far more likely that the associate will say something (anything, really) personal after a drink. Since my DH doesn't want to become a sounding board for their personal lives, he makes it clear that they will maintain a professional relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't you watched "When Harry Met Sally"

But he ended banging her, didn't he?

Exactly. That was why I asked.

The whole premise of the movie is that men & women cannot just be friends. Sex always gets in the way.

Women can be friends with men. Men are only friends with women as a hopeful means to have sex with them. There I said it. And I meant it. Go ahead girls and gender confused men, fire up the chainsaws.

No need for chainsaws. You're just wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't you watched "When Harry Met Sally"

But he ended banging her, didn't he?

Exactly. That was why I asked.

The whole premise of the movie is that men & women cannot just be friends. Sex always gets in the way.

Women can be friends with men. Men are only friends with women as a hopeful means to have sex with them. There I said it. And I meant it. Go ahead girls and gender confused men, fire up the chainsaws.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't listen to the women in here. No it's not okay. My husband wouldn't dare ask if he could go out drinking alone with another woman. When I got married, our pastor actually told DH that it's inappropriate to go out along with another woman especially if it involves alcohol.
If they want to hang out and drink, you should tag along.

We've stuck with that rule and several others and it's served us well.

I am not a religious person, but I want to thank God that I don't have your life.

ouch - nasty person

Anonymous wrote:OMG - I have dinner / drinks with a male coworkers at least once a month. Mostly males as I am an exec in a male dominated industry. Not the same one each time - different ones. It's to ask for career advice, catch up when teams change, etc.

I also have lunch with people, get coffee with people. It never occurred to me to tell my husband ahead of time except when I won't be home for dinner. I tell him about it afterward as part of our "how was your day" conversation when I get home.

I'd also like to echo the poster above who said that if men and women can't go to dinner or drinks alone that this is one reason we need so many stupid mentoring / sponsoring programs at my workplace to help women get to senior levels. If top level men, and let's admit it's still mostly men, don't mentor and counsel women then the top rungs of corporate America stay male dominated.

It would be very awkward and unprofessional for me to have a chaperone (aka my husband) at my business meals where I'm talking financials, making deals, or strategizing about my clients.

Not if it's on a regular basis. One minute it's drinks and some laughs, next it's hot sex in some cheap hotel while wifey sits at home clueless.

OMG - I have dinner / drinks with a male coworkers at least once a month. Mostly males as I am an exec in a male dominated industry. Not the same one each time - different ones. It's to ask for career advice, catch up when teams change, etc.

I also have lunch with people, get coffee with people. It never occurred to me to tell my husband ahead of time except when I won't be home for dinner. I tell him about it afterward as part of our "how was your day" conversation when I get home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't you watched "When Harry Met Sally"

But he ended banging her, didn't he?

Exactly. That was why I asked.

The whole premise of the movie is that men & women cannot just be friends. Sex always gets in the way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women get held back if they can't meet with men to network because the wives don't let them. How women in society keep ourselves from breaking through the glass ceiling.

Coffee during the day would be more appropriate

Why are they meeting up? What sort of job was this? Something related to his current career so that this could be good networking, or something random like waiting tables or life guarding or something minor not related to career?

It would be more appropriate to soothe the insecurities of a spouse, I suppose. But I would not expect my DH to take time from work in the middle of the day to have coffee to placate me. When I think of meeting for drinks - I think of the normal happy hour period....5 to 7 or so. It is not like they will be out all night.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't you watched "When Harry Met Sally"

But he ended banging her, didn't he?

Exactly. That was why I asked.