Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 17:30     Subject: Re:The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Anonymous wrote:OP, just out of curiousity here, what is the best case outcome for you in this? If you could have anything you want, what would it be? Because I don't see any great solutions here...


And based on timing here, did he knock up his ex minutes before you started dating?


THIS.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 16:32     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Anonymous wrote:Op, you say you couldn't have predicted the ex's reaction. But how would you feel if your daughter came back from a night with her father and told you that he was now living somewhere else with some nice lady named Tawney and that Tawney had two kids and they watched a scary movie and had pizza.

You'd flip your lid, right? Who is this woman? How long have they been together? And putting aside the issue of pregnancy, imagine that you and your ex had had sex as recently as 8 months ago. So this is a woman that he has only known for little more than half a year at best. You don't know if she is stable or employed or a drug addict or kind or a good mother or anything. And while you're trying to get some information about this from your ex, she's screaming in the background about being disrespected and demanding they he not take your calls. Wouldn't you be upset?

Both of you deserve a better man than this. This man will not be a happy ending for you, even with a fairy godmother helping.


So well put, PP!!
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 16:31     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
This reads like a Jerry Springer show.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 16:28     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
You are right, I thought the same thing, I am in Jerry Springer episode, the worst part is that I am actually in it not just watching the train wreck. So time to jump off the train.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 16:23     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Only Maury can solve this mess! LOL
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 15:38     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
I am 26 and don't have a magic ball to predict someones actions, by that I meant her actions. But I am in charge of my own, so I have some heavy decisions to make. I thank you all for the postive and negative comments, all are constructive critism that are beneficial in many ways.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 15:32     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I did not move in with someone i do not know, we have spent every day together for the last 7 months, he has been around my family and vice versa, if he was not someone i trusted i would have never moved in. It is my fault for how I am reacting to the situation yes, however who is to ever expect or prepare themselves for the reactions of someone else, who would have predicted how she would have acted?


Are you 16? I can't believe what I just read. smh


I'm betting she is 28.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 15:16     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Ha OP I bet he was fooling around with her WHILE you were dating!
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 15:16     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
I can't believe his ex found out from the children and not him. OP, no sympathy here. You rushed into cohabitation. Terrible for your children and his -- even if the ex had a halo and wings.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 14:55     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Anonymous wrote:I did not move in with someone i do not know, we have spent every day together for the last 7 months, he has been around my family and vice versa, if he was not someone i trusted i would have never moved in. It is my fault for how I am reacting to the situation yes, however who is to ever expect or prepare themselves for the reactions of someone else, who would have predicted how she would have acted?


Are you 16? I can't believe what I just read. smh
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 14:52     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Op, you say you couldn't have predicted the ex's reaction. But how would you feel if your daughter came back from a night with her father and told you that he was now living somewhere else with some nice lady named Tawney and that Tawney had two kids and they watched a scary movie and had pizza.

You'd flip your lid, right? Who is this woman? How long have they been together? And putting aside the issue of pregnancy, imagine that you and your ex had had sex as recently as 8 months ago. So this is a woman that he has only known for little more than half a year at best. You don't know if she is stable or employed or a drug addict or kind or a good mother or anything. And while you're trying to get some information about this from your ex, she's screaming in the background about being disrespected and demanding they he not take your calls. Wouldn't you be upset?

Both of you deserve a better man than this. This man will not be a happy ending for you, even with a fairy godmother helping.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 14:16     Subject: Re:The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Wow. What an awful position to be in - especially have having such high hopes. I'm really sorry, OP. Looking at this situation without your prism of emotion, I see a number of red flags that indicate you need to back off from this relationship. I'm sure you love this guy and this is hard but, as I've told my own DH, love isn't enough. You have to be pragmatic.

1. Your BF has significant unfinished business with his ex. I don't see anything from your post that indicates she's actually crazy or unreasonable.
2. That your BF didn't tell his ex you two were moving in together is a major red flag. There is no excuse for that and it was unfair to his ex and to you. I'm sure the DCUM community could write a thesis on why this was a bad move.
3. Your BF is emotionally immature and not capable of resolving this situation on his own. His ex must be part of it - even if she weren't pregnant.
4. Your BF has already shown he doesn't have good judgment and does not communicate appropriately at any level.
5. Your BF hasn't worked out his relationship with his ex and until he does, you really can't expect him to be a full partner in a relationship with you. This was even before you learned she was pregnant.
6. The ex's pregnancy is a dealbreaker. It just complicates things exponentially. Even if she's not pregnant, your BF has a lot to come to terms with.

You can't solve any of the issues your BF has. He's got to work them out and he needs space to do so. Continuing to live with him won't give him the clarity he needs to determine what he wants. You can't make up his mind for him. He needs to choose. You need to protect yourself and your DD. As much as it hurts, you need to live separately.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 14:14     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
OP, you deserve better. Yes, it will cost money but break the lease abd leave this loser.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 14:04     Subject: The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what the best outcome is, i don't have a solution as of yet, I am reflecting on my entire life and what is ahead. If I could have anything I'd want for her to not be pregnant or at the very least not his, as sick of a game that would be on her part. Two weeks before us.


I want to say first that I am sorry fornthenpain you are in now. I bluntly said itnisnuour fault earlier, and I stand by that, but it also sounds like your man is a lying scumbag and that you are just trying to find love, however irresponsibly, and it sounds like you really believe seven months is a long enough time to really know someone. You don't know him well enough. This is a tough lesson.

I'll be your fairy godmother for a minute here. Let's pretend I can wave a magic wand for you:

1) his ex calls tonight and admits that she's not pregnant at all and that she just made it up to trap him. She apologizes to you for causing strife and trying to steal your man.
2) Your man admits he was wrong to be mad at you and says he still wants to live together.

Does that sound good to you? Good for your daughter? Really? Beside BEST CASE MAGIC WAND scenario, you're left with a man who admits having sex with the mother of his children at least once within the past 8 months. You're left with a man who has so little contact with the mother of his children that he wouldn't actually know whether or not she is 8 months pregnant. You're left with having entered into a year-long contract with a man you have known for less than a year who hasn't even been sexually exclusive with you for longer than 8 months. You are left with a man who is still sexually involved and emotionally enmeshed with the mother of his children.

You are left with a man with such bad judgment that he would have sex with the kind of deceptive, dishonest, disturbed person who would lie about pregnancy and attempt to coerce him into parenting a child that is not his, a woman whose character should be well known to him by now because he has had multiple children with and shares custody with her.

You are left with a man who has so little regard for the mother of his children, so little regard for his children, that he does not bother to inform her of his living situation.

You are left with a man who is so irresponsible about his sperm, and about protecting himself and you from disease, that he would have ha unprotected sex.

This is the best you can do for yourself and your child, even with the assistance of a fairy godmother?

Please wish for better for the both of you.

Wow, you're good. This is right on.
If OP can't recognize the truth in this then there is no use uttering another word.



Anonymous
Post 01/07/2014 14:00     Subject: Re:The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
I'm not going to ream you out like everyone else, but let's sit down Chica and talk.

Don't focus on his ex's behavior for a moment. Focus on his behavior.

1) He slept with his ex awfully close to when he started seeing you.
2) He didn't use protection
3) He didn't tell her you were moving in
4) He isn't accepting responsibility for the current situation
5) He has not been completely honest with you about many things up to this point

If I were your friend, I would tell you come up with an agreement with him to walk away from the lease. He has betrayed you on many levels besides his ex being pregnant. He's not the one, lessened learned.