My MIL is so pushy, intense, and overbearing that I literaly need a drink after our phone conversations. That's why I almost never pick up the phone, and only text in response to her voicemails.

I don't think it's your case, though. Possibly DIL and her family are much less organized and more laid back than you are, hence the lag in response and lack of planning.

Very interesting thread... This will go back a bit, but I thought it was very important to respond to a comment about families, legacies and such... The rights associated with inheritance are a very serious matter. In a very broad and general way, some of the really serious problems in the Levantine might have been mitigated with a better inheritance position for Ishmael and Hagar, and the "Gay" Marriage movement, specifically, seeks to regularize these rights for their partners and children.

These things vary greatly from culture to culture and from family to family, so aside from legal issues, I don't know if there are necessarily inherent right and wrong answers or situations save where out and out deception and breach of trust and good faith issues occur.

But on the matter of emails and texts, I think that people have different needs for communicating and ways of communicating. We also have different expectations for when we communicate and when contacted by others. I tend to feel that having a certain generosity of spirit is helpful. There are times when the other person is deliberately trying to push your buttons or hurt your feeling? If you think not, then chill and relax. Technology is a rather sometime thing. I've seen texts that take two days to show up after it was initially sent. And as the socio-economic environment changes so that more people find themselves the caregivers for bother their own children as well at their aging parents, medical emergencies will become more the standard and norm than will require giving people more lattitude for social forgiveness.

Anonymous wrote:^^ and I don't think it's comparable to not having a phone in 1985. People can reach me easily by phone, cell or email.

I think it's a perfect comparison. In '85 you could have claimed they could write you a letter because you didn't use the phone.

^^ and I don't think it's comparable to not having a phone in 1985. People can reach me easily by phone, cell or email.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly OT -- I have never sent a text message in my life and certainly would never respond to one. I rarely have my non-"smart" phone with I'm distressed by the idea that people might think I am "rude" because I choose not to use this particular mode of communication. I rarely have my (non-"smart") phone with me; I don't use it

This is not something to be proud of. It's 2014. This is like saying "I don't use the telephone" in 1985 or "I don't use email" in 2002. You are out of touch with modern means of communication. You may not want to advertise that you are woefully behind the times, particularly if you are employed.

I'm the same way. I do have an iPod touch, but no smart phone.
My cell is a little flip phone and I'm on a pay-as-you-go plan - I don't text and rarely use it.
Close friends and family call me at home. If I got an iPhone I don't think I would use it much at all, except to surf the web.
Maybe it's because we don't have a huge social network - I talk to my parents (who don't text) occasionally my best friends who live out of state and the occasional neighbor to set up a play date or coordinate a school event.
I still use email as my primary form of quick communication.
Sorry to go off-topic!

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a simple difference of a a planner/communicater vs. a non planner/non communicater.

+2. This is something I navigate every time I start a new job. What is important to my supervisors/colleagues? How do they like me to communicate with them? How frequently? Your relationship with future DIL and the family will be helped when you have a better idea (and vice versa).

OP, you need to figure out - if you sent the "I found a great navy dress, if that's ok with you both, I'd like to buy it" email, would that be:

(1) welcome (because bride and MOB either don't care, or will be happy to know you chose navy, or because MOB's favorite color is navy and she'll be glad for the chance to respond, "anything but navy please, that's the color I was hoping to wear"), or

(2) premature (because bride and MOB will have an opinion, but they don't want to be pushed into a decision yet).

If #1, send that email, or else call. If #2, then hold off. Btw, I disagree with the "go through your son" advice on the topic of a dress - he probably couldn't care less!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

+1

Maybe the DIL is smarter than you give her credit for, sees right through your rotten attitude, and chooses to keep communication to a minimum. Just a thought.

Soften your heart. WhT do you have to loose?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

+1

Maybe the DIL is smarter than you give her credit for, sees right through your rotten attitude, and chooses to keep communication to a minimum. Just a thought.

An interesting thought. DIL's children are watching....and taking mental notes.

Anonymous wrote:Slightly OT -- I have never sent a text message in my life and certainly would never respond to one. I rarely have my non-"smart" phone with I'm distressed by the idea that people might think I am "rude" because I choose not to use this particular mode of communication. I rarely have my (non-"smart") phone with me; I don't use it

This is not something to be proud of. It's 2014. This is like saying "I don't use the telephone" in 1985 or "I don't use email" in 2002. You are out of touch with modern means of communication. You may not want to advertise that you are woefully behind the times, particularly if you are employed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

+1

Maybe the DIL is smarter than you give her credit for, sees right through your rotten attitude, and chooses to keep communication to a minimum. Just a thought.

Anonymous wrote:Communicate through your son. Please.

I agree. You are being annoying.

Anonymous wrote:Slightly OT -- I have never sent a text message in my life and certainly would never respond to one. I rarely have my non-"smart" phone with I'm distressed by the idea that people might think I am "rude" because I choose not to use this particular mode of communication. I rarely have my (non-"smart") phone with me; I don't use it

Let me guess, you also don't own a TV, either, and you'd rather sculpt, write in your journal, or read Proust.