Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, YOU HAVE RICH PARENTS??? And you grew up with help? Oh shoot, why didn't you say so?

Stop with the slumming, suck up to the rich 'rents, and have them pay your way. I mean, you have a kid, that's a trump card with the grands. Why are you moaning and groaning on any anonymous forum? I thought you were really poor with no safety net. I know people like you--you actually aren't really poor. You just think you are because you grew up with so much. I bet your apartment's really nice, actually. Unless you are completely estranged, I bet your parents do help you out as well. And you should take it. It's New Years--why aren't you hanging out with and entertaining your rich parents??? You would get better ROI doing that than surfing the 'nets and posting on DCUM, I guarantee it.

Sheesh.

Yes I could have an easy life living off of my parents but i did not want to and that is why I left home in college so I can make it on my own. Yes my parents did help me, especially when I was going through a divorce and did not have a job, they sent me money for a year to help with the expenses and I am forever grateful, but I also understand that they paid for my education so I could be an independent person, not live off of them for life. i am struggling but i am not homeless, i will try to make it on my own for as long as i can before i go and beg money to my parents. They worked for everything they had and expect me to do the same. I always tell them I don't need help, they send money to my child sometimes but that's about it.

Oh, for pete's sakes, shelve the pride. I'm sure you are doing great anyways. You are making ends meet, and if you go through a rough patch, your parents help out. That's your lot in life, and there's nothing wrong with it. Subconsciously, you are probably "only" making $70,000 because you don't want the $250,000 job! I mean, the hours suck! Why would you put yourself through such pain if you don't have to? And you don't have to. People from nothing who became wealthy...well, they came from "nothing." That's sort of key, you know.

Just take the damn money. And it's not your destiny to become independently wealthy, people from your background with your life choices rarely become wealthy. You can't sniff out sources for, and drains of, money, clearly. So just be comfortable and hope that your child will have the gene. You're like Mary Crawley of Downton, despite every aspiration, you are not going to be Countess of Grantham. It's going to skip you, okay? On the other hand, people with your kids' background often do hit it rich--history of wealth in the family, good education, but penny-pinching childhood. Try to light the fire in your kid's belly, because it's too late for you.

that was entertaining but not at all warranted. OP will be fine.

My answers would be the same as the other posters. I think the difference with your situation is that you are digging out of a financial hole and you have a child to consider which ups the ante for things like roommates, schools, and space.

Starting from where you are, the two options are cut expenses and make more money, preferably both. I think you are headed in the right direction with seeking child support and moving to a more economical apartment. I hate to be blunt though to say that you have to do more and it will really suck. You aren't spending extravagantly by any stretch but you aren't compromising either. The ship has sailed already but you could have lived in a studio or 1 bedroom when your child was younger much easier than you can now. You could have looked into another in home daycare rather than a center. Both those things there could have been the difference of $500/month and then when you needed to move up to more space you could do it when the childcare expense would lessen.

So given where you are now, what can you do. The first is that you need to have a network. If you are truly on your own, you need to make sure you find time to join a single mom support group or move to an apartment/area with more of a community feeling ... something. Trust me I hate to depend on people for anything or ask for a favor but with kids you have to have that backup emergency contact should there be a crazy accident on the beltway etc. and like you I don't just trust my kids with someone I don't know. I joined a mom group years ago and it took time but a have a few good friends that I otherwise would not have. Also, does your ex have any visitation? I know financially he was a mess, but is there another reason why he isn't involved with raising his child? Besides building a relationship, this would give you a chance to maybe pickup extra income with a part-time job if there was a set schedule for visitation, give you a chance to build friendships with other moms, take a break, have someone to help with the pickup and different activities.

As for more income the only way this would happen is either if you can figure out child care that would allow you to work part-time ( could be a swap with someone else, ex has visitation, you find if there is an online course that you could teach/be a part of in finance etc.) or you find a higher paying job. Make sure you are finding time for your professional networks also. If you went to school is this area, make sure you keep up with the alumni circle if you can.

So far you may be asking what part of the plan sucks, well you have to do more and you have to depend on someone more (I.e. your ex or whomever helps with childcare) and you may be spending less time with your son or spending time with your son and other kids if you are in a babysitting co-OP/reciprocity situation. The other part is of course expenses. Your child may not be able to grow up with the same kids at the neighborhood school (this was always a particular dream of mine because my parents moved very five years), he may have a lack of space because you moved to a one bedroom apt (my mom grew up in a 2 bedroom apt with 4 kids in NY), he may start at a school that has mediocre test scores (I don't exaggerate when I tell you there were needles on the playground where I grew up partially prompting one of the moves). However, despite all of these things he can still succeed and go on to do well in life. If you are in Fairfax county, there are Gifted and talented centers and magnets that are open to you no matter what the school. You may need the time to work with your child with math and reading and either time/money to provide enrichment and will need to figure out how to get that done but that is one path. My grandmother never went to college but raised the 4 kids in a 2 bedroom and most of the kids got into magnet high schools. So anyway, living cost/school is the big area where you need to take a hard look before you move in April. I think the next two expense areas of food and phone were already addressed in previous posts.

Really wishing you the best of luck and I know it's not easy. One of the things I admire my mom is that she is she is the type of person that can take rice and make 10 different meals out of it if she had to. I realize money can be fleeting and if you don't have the internal fortitude to make those uncomfortable compromises and ingenuity to make something from not much you can end up in a very bad place in this world. I want my kids to strive for better and not fall apart at the first setback. You will be teaching these things to your child by example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, YOU HAVE RICH PARENTS??? And you grew up with help? Oh shoot, why didn't you say so?

Stop with the slumming, suck up to the rich 'rents, and have them pay your way. I mean, you have a kid, that's a trump card with the grands. Why are you moaning and groaning on any anonymous forum? I thought you were really poor with no safety net. I know people like you--you actually aren't really poor. You just think you are because you grew up with so much. I bet your apartment's really nice, actually. Unless you are completely estranged, I bet your parents do help you out as well. And you should take it. It's New Years--why aren't you hanging out with and entertaining your rich parents??? You would get better ROI doing that than surfing the 'nets and posting on DCUM, I guarantee it.

Sheesh.

Yes I could have an easy life living off of my parents but i did not want to and that is why I left home in college so I can make it on my own. Yes my parents did help me, especially when I was going through a divorce and did not have a job, they sent me money for a year to help with the expenses and I am forever grateful, but I also understand that they paid for my education so I could be an independent person, not live off of them for life. i am struggling but i am not homeless, i will try to make it on my own for as long as i can before i go and beg money to my parents. They worked for everything they had and expect me to do the same. I always tell them I don't need help, they send money to my child sometimes but that's about it.

Oh, for pete's sakes, shelve the pride. I'm sure you are doing great anyways. You are making ends meet, and if you go through a rough patch, your parents help out. That's your lot in life, and there's nothing wrong with it. Subconsciously, you are probably "only" making $70,000 because you don't want the $250,000 job! I mean, the hours suck! Why would you put yourself through such pain if you don't have to? And you don't have to. People from nothing who became wealthy...well, they came from "nothing." That's sort of key, you know.

Just take the damn money. And it's not your destiny to become independently wealthy, people from your background with your life choices rarely become wealthy. You can't sniff out sources for, and drains of, money, clearly. So just be comfortable and hope that your child will have the gene. You're like Mary Crawley of Downton, despite every aspiration, you are not going to be Countess of Grantham. It's going to skip you, okay? On the other hand, people with your kids' background often do hit it rich--history of wealth in the family, good education, but penny-pinching childhood. Try to light the fire in your kid's belly, because it's too late for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bump.


This thread is fascinating.

why ?

PP you responded to here. I'm not OP, but as middle income mom of 3 kids under 10, I have struggled to make financial sense of my life in the past few years. I came from a low income family and have had to learn how to save and cut spending. It is very difficult and quite a learned skill. I'm not where I want to be yet- but I can appreciate the tips many have given to OP. Great advice so far. I'm following this for tips as well.
OP, no advice to give you but I wish you the best in 2014.

PP, I am one of the posters who gave advice to OP. Don't be afraid to say NO! to your kids when they nag your for stuff. I mean, what are you going to say if you actually really can't afford it? NO! right? Don't feel guilty. Credit cards are very bad too. Very very bad. Credit cards, actually, like a lot of things today, only help the rich, I have decided. They pay it off every month, get the rewards, and never pay any interest.

Credit card debt is evil. Horrible interest rates. Pay that garbage off!!!

But also keep in mind, children are a wonderful investment unto themselves. You can have saved not a penny in retirement, but raise your kids right, and they will take good care of you until your dying days. That is my mother's situation. Single mom, disabled, no money, but her retirement's taken care of. I treat her good.

Anonymous wrote:OP, YOU HAVE RICH PARENTS??? And you grew up with help? Oh shoot, why didn't you say so?

Stop with the slumming, suck up to the rich 'rents, and have them pay your way. I mean, you have a kid, that's a trump card with the grands. Why are you moaning and groaning on any anonymous forum? I thought you were really poor with no safety net. I know people like you--you actually aren't really poor. You just think you are because you grew up with so much. I bet your apartment's really nice, actually. Unless you are completely estranged, I bet your parents do help you out as well. And you should take it. It's New Years--why aren't you hanging out with and entertaining your rich parents??? You would get better ROI doing that than surfing the 'nets and posting on DCUM, I guarantee it.

Sheesh.

Yes I could have an easy life living off of my parents but i did not want to and that is why I left home in college so I can make it on my own. Yes my parents did help me, especially when I was going through a divorce and did not have a job, they sent me money for a year to help with the expenses and I am forever grateful, but I also understand that they paid for my education so I could be an independent person, not live off of them for life. i am struggling but i am not homeless, i will try to make it on my own for as long as i can before i go and beg money to my parents. They worked for everything they had and expect me to do the same. I always tell them I don't need help, they send money to my child sometimes but that's about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello,


1. When you had nothing, did it ever seem possible to you to one day have 7 or eight figures?

2. How does it feel psychologically and emotionally to have 7 or eight figures?

3. How long did it take?

4. Any tips on how to achieve such a feat?

Thanks

1. Yes

2. Seven figure income, eight figure net worth. Kinda crazy actually. I totally recognize that we have a lot, but the crazy thing is realizing that extreme wealth ($100MM+) is actually a real possibility. The difference is that now we can afford almost anything, but not everything. Ironically as you gave more you tend to want less.

3. 11 years. I graduated at 24 and by 35 my balance sheet and income got insane.

4. Start a business. Have huge wAnts, but few needs. Read about spending big, but don't. Spend money on experiences not things. Invest a lot. Learn about real estate. No matter how wealthy you are people should think you are less Wealthy. Establish multiple bank relationships. No partners in your main business because no one should be as good as you. Partner with others on side businesses because your partners are better at it than you. Constantly take calculated risks. Keep perspective and remember it is just money. Maximize leverage for investments, but taper down what that leverage is as you age and as assets accumulate. Never do a deal you don't understand. Don't take financial advice from anyone less wealthy than you are. Learn the tax code. Pay your full share of taxes.

Dear PP, may I ask what field got you started? You don't have to go into detail, but just curious: real estate, food services, high finance, tech?

We are less than you, but similar trajectory. Completely agree with everything you posted, btw. We got our start in professional services but now of course we have our fingers in many pies but i do like real estate.

Got my start in insurance. But about half of my income ones from other sources.

Ah, insurance. I know people who made absolute gobs in insurance. Good for you, PP. Do you get lonely? I don't have any deep friends anymore...well, maybe one...mostly just arms-length acquaintances...one of my last good friends from the good ole days asked me point blank how much money I made, and that was the end of that...that was several years ago, and my social life hasn't been the same. The work hours and having kids don't help either with one's social life.

Anonymous wrote:I think you need a better job. I work in finance and my first job paid over $100k. Most finance folks I know in NYC, SF, HK, etc. earn high as bankers, traders, private equity and hedge fund managers.

I don't have much sympathy for you. It sounds like you grew up rich and made some poor choices.

Most of my jobs after graduation were in accounting, then in corp finance and recently banking. I am on the operations side of Commercial banking. I wish i could get that $100K . I am trying to put in as much as I can in my career for the next 3 years so I can get there. Any tips?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bump.


This thread is fascinating.

why ?

PP you responded to here. I'm not OP, but as middle income mom of 3 kids under 10, I have struggled to make financial sense of my life in the past few years. I came from a low income family and have had to learn how to save and cut spending. It is very difficult and quite a learned skill. I'm not where I want to be yet- but I can appreciate the tips many have given to OP. Great advice so far. I'm following this for tips as well.
OP, no advice to give you but I wish you the best in 2014.

OP, YOU HAVE RICH PARENTS??? And you grew up with help? Oh shoot, why didn't you say so?

Stop with the slumming, suck up to the rich 'rents, and have them pay your way. I mean, you have a kid, that's a trump card with the grands. Why are you moaning and groaning on any anonymous forum? I thought you were really poor with no safety net. I know people like you--you actually aren't really poor. You just think you are because you grew up with so much. I bet your apartment's really nice, actually. Unless you are completely estranged, I bet your parents do help you out as well. And you should take it. It's New Years--why aren't you hanging out with and entertaining your rich parents??? You would get better ROI doing that than surfing the 'nets and posting on DCUM, I guarantee it.

Sheesh.

I think you need a better job. I work in finance and my first job paid over $100k. Most finance folks I know in NYC, SF, HK, etc. earn high as bankers, traders, private equity and hedge fund managers.

I don't have much sympathy for you. It sounds like you grew up rich and made some poor choices.

Anonymous wrote:bump.


This thread is fascinating.

why ?

bump.


This thread is fascinating.

Anonymous wrote:OP I've read all your posts and here are my thoughts.

I am not super familiar with this, but am aware that FFX has set aside 'workforce' housing/apartment units intended to assist people just like you - middle income, working, maybe single parent. Am sure the county website has pages and contact numbers for more information.
And as you know before/after care at SAC is on a sliding scale, and some daycare centers have special set asides for single moms - if you have not previously inquired, make sure to ask.
The child support should be a big help for getting on a more secure footing. I'd put it to the daycare while paying down the credit cards. Then move on to paying off the car asap. Then I would keep aggressively saving to build up a serious emergency fund - maybe 6 months expenses because you don't have a fall back right now as a single working mom. Put your raises and bonuses and any money saved from frugality to debt payoff and then emergency fund buildup.

Also, I'd start reading the good personal finance writers, from the library. David Ramsey on debt payoff. David Bach on how to save automatically to overcome your own worst instincts, Eric Tyson on how to invest most effectively and avoid getting ripped off.

You are going to make this happen OP and will be amazed in 5 years and in a totally different place in 10 years.

You will be surprised. I already checked those and i do not qualify for any housing from the county. I don't make enough money but i make enough to be out of the threshold. Last time I checked the maximum income to qualify for a 2 people household was $68,800. I make $70,000 my luck! I actually considered bribing my employer to decrease my salary to $68,000 so I oculd qualify I have not heard of daycares offering rates for single parents either. Where are those? Yeh I can't wait for the child support to kick in, per the papers, it is supposed to be $1k/month so that will be a huge help when I start getting it.

Anonymous wrote:Also, you have a great advantage over a lot of your peers in that you already have kids, and you do not have any student loan debt. There are a lot of people your age who may never have kids because their debt burden is holding them back from living adult lives. Yes it is difficult, but you are actually in better shape than many people already.

Thank you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here- Thanks to the people who responded. I am looking for Inspiration and motivation. I am 30, divorced, has a child and make $70k/year, I feel like i will never make it because I live paycheck to paycheck, my expenses are high because this is a HIGH COL area. I barely save for retirement has less than $10k in retirement, $6k in cc debt ( i was short on daycare so had to pay for it on my cc ) $5k left on the car loan ( car totaled, did not have any savings so had to borrow to get a car) 0 savings. I feel like Iam in a vicious circle and this will never end and I will never make it out, save for my child's college or buy a house. Funny thing, i come from a well-off family, went to private schools all my life, then college and grad school all paid off by my parents and I still can't make it grrrrr

There's a consistent thread in all of this advice, OP. Pretty much everyone on here has expressed support (in one way or another) for living below your means. You are not doing that. No one spends their way out of a bad financial situation. You must sacrifice your way out. Can you make some changes to make that happen? Can you, for example, move in with your parents? Or, perhaps you could move in with another single mom and share child-care duties? You have a hard choice before you, OP: sacrifice QOL or sacrifice financial security. It really is that simple.

Before you freak out at the thought of that sacrifice though, I can say that it's really not so bad. My BFF lived for five years with two incontinent cats in one room at her dad's house when she needed to get herself together after her ex left her with $40k in cc debt. She hated it a lot of the time, but she left with no debt, a small nest egg, and a better relationship with her dad than she'd ever had. Some of my closest friends now are people I roomed with when we were broke. We had a blast! If you look at it as an adventure and an opportunity, instead of as *only* a sacrifice, you could find that living below your means is actually... fun.

Thank you for the advice, I really don't think i overspend. Everything that I pay for is a NEED, not a Want. I live in a 1 bedroom apartment, rent is $1500, utilities:200-250/month (no cable). Phone:$50, Daycare:1300, CAR ins:130, car note:300, Gas:200, food:500, CC:300 (Trying to pay them off). I don't get child support, I don't have family around so can't move in somewhere to save money, ex-husband will not allow me to move out of state, so I am pretty much stuck in this area. i can not decrease any of these expenses because they are all necessary. I can not live any further out , I already live far enough and only have a 1 bedroom, really I just don't make enough money but I am not a spender, I rarely buy things for myself, spent 0$$ for xmas. I will not be able to get out of this, unless i earn more

I am the poster who hates the Mall. No, you dont overspend but its always possible to spend less. I grew up in a single room with my entire family. One of our places had no kitchen. I am telling you, you can scrimp even more. But I understand it's hard. The little luxuries, like a bedroom, are hard to give up. Back in the day, dh and I lived in shithole apartments when friends of comparable wealth lived in luxury apartments paying $5000 a month in rent. This was a long time ago. Im sure some people laughed at us or pitied us ("they can't be doing well"). We didn't care. We had a plan.

Children aren't traumatized if you don't have a bedroom. I shared a bed with my mom until I was 17 (oh, the horrors, right?). That's all we had and it was okay. Sock some more money away and bring some financial security in your life. It will bring you more peace of mind.

Maybe you should think about fighting that prohibition and liivng where its cheaper. Texas, Nevada and Florida all have no state income tax, I believe. The Midwest has good people and lower COL.

OP again- I share a bedroom with my child currently so I don't have a problem doing that. But in this area , to live in a safe neighborhood with decent schools is not cheap. Roommates is not an option either, because of my child, you just never know what type of crazy people you will end up with and I really do not want to put my child through that. The ex and I share custody and the advice I got is unless he agrees to it, there is no way a judge would let me move until i can prove it is in the best interests of my child, and financial reasons or a better job are not enough because they ahve a very high bar for it