Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 10:35     Subject: Adoption costs?
Not to mention PP that we are not made of money and it's expensive no matter how you look at it. I can't justify it for my family at this point, and my son deserves a parent who's not sad all the time and trying hard to hide it. I have to find a way to move on.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 10:32     Subject: Re:Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:OP, is there a reason you won't consider international adoption from a country that has an ethical adoption process? I know it varies a lot, but almost all my friends who adopted internationally (including myself) had less expenses than those who adopted domestically.


Yes, I have lots of reasons, and I'm not going to go into them here. Let's just say that ethical process or not, I know several international adult adoptees and I think that, if you are going to adopt internationally you must commit to a lifelong engagement with that country and that culture. We're not prepared to do that.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 10:28     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:It is heartbreaking. My brother was adopted in 1971. He is amazing. My parents paid a fee of $750.00. We are both now exploring adoptiion and heartbroken. He is blonde, blue eyes, caucasian and was 2 months old when my parents picked him up on Christmas eve!
That was the blessing of the baby scoop era. Not a pretty time in the history of adoption, but now it is an official trade
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 07:40     Subject: Adoption costs?
It is heartbreaking. My brother was adopted in 1971. He is amazing. My parents paid a fee of $750.00. We are both now exploring adoptiion and heartbroken. He is blonde, blue eyes, caucasian and was 2 months old when my parents picked him up on Christmas eve!
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 07:20     Subject: Re:Adoption costs?
OP, is there a reason you won't consider international adoption from a country that has an ethical adoption process? I know it varies a lot, but almost all my friends who adopted internationally (including myself) had less expenses than those who adopted domestically.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 02:58     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:With many adoption agencies, it IS baby selling.



If you break down some if the fees to hourly, the price is outragious. No way they are pYing their employees and support staff that much. It's pure profit. They justify it by the adoption tax credit claiming you will get some back. So, it is ok they charge $30,000 as you get $13,000 back with the credit so the adoption is affordable.


OP here. Sigh. After pressing the private agencies further, they did admit that attorney fees are not fully covered and that birth parent expenses are usually a part of the equation, and that you can set your own limit for what you are willing to do but that doing so also limits the pool of birth mothers who want to work with you. So now we are at $20k + attorney fees + birth parent expenses. PP, you are right - it's outrageous and it makes me feel dirty to even think about people profiting off of human pain in this way. They also blatantly misled me from the beginning by not answering my questions honestly. I'm a gather the facts decision maker and they were not forthcoming with the totality of those facts. It's pretty much leading me to rule this out as a possibility. Ditto gestational carrier - the clinic I spoke with quoted me $17k in medical expenses to achieve the GC pregnancy + attorney fees + a GC fee of $20-50k.

I am so defeated, and feeling like yeah, I'm going to have to find a way to accept that my only son, who I love more than anything, is probably it for me. If you've ever seen the movie 50/50 I am Angelica Huston - "I smothered him because I love him!". Poor kid. I have so much love in my heart and always thought I would have more children to lavish it on. He asks about a sibling all the time, though we have taken great pains to shelter him from all of this. All he knows is that all of his cousins, friends and classmates have siblings, and he wants one too. My heart breaks when he asks about it.



I am sorry to hear this. It sucks. This is why we adopted one and stopped. Be grateful for one. Think about all the love and attention and how much more you can do for one vs two. I did not want to be harsh but this is the reality of adoption. If you will not pay, there are 60 other families who will. And, you can pay all that money and still not get a child
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 01:52     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:With many adoption agencies, it IS baby selling.



If you break down some if the fees to hourly, the price is outragious. No way they are pYing their employees and support staff that much. It's pure profit. They justify it by the adoption tax credit claiming you will get some back. So, it is ok they charge $30,000 as you get $13,000 back with the credit so the adoption is affordable.


OP here. Sigh. After pressing the private agencies further, they did admit that attorney fees are not fully covered and that birth parent expenses are usually a part of the equation, and that you can set your own limit for what you are willing to do but that doing so also limits the pool of birth mothers who want to work with you. So now we are at $20k + attorney fees + birth parent expenses. PP, you are right - it's outrageous and it makes me feel dirty to even think about people profiting off of human pain in this way. They also blatantly misled me from the beginning by not answering my questions honestly. I'm a gather the facts decision maker and they were not forthcoming with the totality of those facts. It's pretty much leading me to rule this out as a possibility. Ditto gestational carrier - the clinic I spoke with quoted me $17k in medical expenses to achieve the GC pregnancy + attorney fees + a GC fee of $20-50k.

I am so defeated, and feeling like yeah, I'm going to have to find a way to accept that my only son, who I love more than anything, is probably it for me. If you've ever seen the movie 50/50 I am Angelica Huston - "I smothered him because I love him!". Poor kid. I have so much love in my heart and always thought I would have more children to lavish it on. He asks about a sibling all the time, though we have taken great pains to shelter him from all of this. All he knows is that all of his cousins, friends and classmates have siblings, and he wants one too. My heart breaks when he asks about it.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 01:06     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:With many adoption agencies, it IS baby selling.



If you break down some if the fees to hourly, the price is outragious. No way they are pYing their employees and support staff that much. It's pure profit. They justify it by the adoption tax credit claiming you will get some back. So, it is ok they charge $30,000 as you get $13,000 back with the credit so the adoption is affordable.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2013 01:03     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Many make plans earlier than the third trimester. Also, many have living expenses paid for up to 3 months post parting. So not an urban myth at all.


We were asked in several situations to pay between 3-4 months and 6 weeks post birth. Not myth. Reality. We said no and it was very hard to adopt.

Good way to avoid the scammers

What states allow this? What is the cost for that time and what does it cover? Can you really do it with a good conscience?
what will the adoptee think of this one day



Most of the states all some kind of expenses. We are in md so we were not allowed in less we finalized in the birth state. Yes, you can adopt with little birthparent expenses. We did a private adoption where the birthparent so only wanted help with the attorney fees. We spent more over many years and in the end I regret not paying and all the heartache that the attorneys, facilitator and agencies caused but if we did not make the choices we did we would not have our child. Things worked out how they were supposed to be. I do not mind paying reasonable expenses but there should be a limit. Post adoption we have help with clothing and other stuff for their older child. They never ask. We just do.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 22:33     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Many make plans earlier than the third trimester. Also, many have living expenses paid for up to 3 months post parting. So not an urban myth at all.


We were asked in several situations to pay between 3-4 months and 6 weeks post birth. Not myth. Reality. We said no and it was very hard to adopt.

Good way to avoid the scammers

What states allow this? What is the cost for that time and what does it cover? Can you really do it with a good conscience?
what will the adoptee think of this one day
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 18:12     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:Many make plans earlier than the third trimester. Also, many have living expenses paid for up to 3 months post parting. So not an urban myth at all.


We were asked in several situations to pay between 3-4 months and 6 weeks post birth. Not myth. Reality. We said no and it was very hard to adopt.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 18:09     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:If you had a failed adoption and lost 20K can you take the adoption tax credit or does it only apply after a successful placement?


I have heard different answers on this. You need to talk to the irs.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 17:35     Subject: Adoption costs?
With many adoption agencies, it IS baby selling.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 13:42     Subject: Adoption costs?
Anonymous wrote:Many make plans earlier than the third trimester. Also, many have living expenses paid for up to 3 months post parting. So not an urban myth at all.
how is that not baby selling?
If you hand out $50K for a healthy infant, are you really thinking you are not 'purchasing'?
I doubt the mother gets as much as the facilitators claim
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 11:18     Subject: Adoption costs?
If you had a failed adoption and lost 20K can you take the adoption tax credit or does it only apply after a successful placement?