Anonymous wrote:OP - Now you know the truth. Your parents care more about what their friends think than your welfare. Proceed accordingly and keep growing that back bone.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote: OP here. Well, I just had a very negative conversation with my parents about this issue today. Am feeling really stressed and upset.

Basically they said that all their friends think it's "very weird" and "feel bad for them" that I don't want them staying with us for 3 weeks or longer to help take care of the baby after baby is born. That it makes them feel bad that all their friends feel so sorry for them because their daughter doesn't want them to help out and stay with them and that I'm the only woman ever who does not want her parents to stay for 3 weeks and help.

I tried to explain that a) I have no idea what kind of delivery I'm going to have--c section, tearing, etc. and that I'm going to be a complete mess when I get home and I really don't want to have to think about the needs of guests after giving birth while I'm trying to recover and figure out how to take care of a newborn for the first time, b) that I have a very helpful husband who is capable of doing everything, and c) in the past when they have visited they have been very high maintenance guests who need their creature comforts just so and so staying in a hotel at this time would make the most sense.

What I didn't mention is that I also don't want to hear jugments/criticisms of how my housekeeping sucks, that I don't have the food they like, that they're bored, etc. Last time they visited that's all I heard.

My father got on the phone and screamed at me, and I just tried to stay calm and didn't yell back.

I just feel stressed and upset. My parents can only see things from their perspective, it seems.

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws came right after the baby was born and stayed about three days, which I was not crazy about but my husband totally laid down the law (especially to his dad). My MIL is a nurse, and was really helpful--she prepared all the meals, did all the cleanup, did laundry, etc., and they also ran errands for us, drove us to ped vists (we had a ew extra in the first days), etc. My FIL is a pain as a visitor, but my husband totally kept him out of my hair. Then my parents came--my dad stayed for a week and my mom for nearly a month. They were SO helpful--my husband returned to work, so I had a little company, and they ran errands, my dad did little projects around the house we hadn't had time to get to, my mom had dinner ready every night and cleaned my whole house.

BUT--I knew that my in-laws would respect what my husband told them, and I knew that my parents would be truly helpful and supportive. If I didn't know that, I would have done things differently. There's no one right way to handle grandparent visits; you have to decide (with your husband) what you want, what you can handle, etc. Then stick to that. Your husband should be running interference on this one--part of his job at this point is protecting you and the new baby in these early days. Especially if you're dealing with his parents, he needs to step up and tell them how things will be. If they won't respect that you will be exhausted and making a major adjustment, then they can't visit. Period. And any visit must be on terms with which you are comfortable. Stop hinting and discussing and just tell them what you are going to do.