OP you're an idiot. I guess this probably-abusive asshole found his perfect match. When you're crying over him two months/years from now make sure you remember all the advice you ignored.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Classic "Don't Ask a Question You Don't Want the Answer To" issue.

I do want to see your answers! My life, my choice but I do consider other peoples' responses. Like I said, I will go forward very cautiously.

It is quite a rare feat to get a unanimous response. Seriously, in all the posts there is rarely a time when posters come together to unite in one answer. This is one of those threads. Do not dismiss the calls to RUN for the hills. But then again, I bet you think you're one of those special people that will be able to change him. Yeah, that's it.

Oh ok, back into the dating pool I go. Who's going to date me now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Classic "Don't Ask a Question You Don't Want the Answer To" issue.

I do want to see your answers! My life, my choice but I do consider other peoples' responses. Like I said, I will go forward very cautiously.

It is quite a rare feat to get a unanimous response. Seriously, in all the posts there is rarely a time when posters come together to unite in one answer. This is one of those threads. Do not dismiss the calls to RUN for the hills. But then again, I bet you think you're one of those special people that will be able to change him. Yeah, that's it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating a fellow for a couple of months. Last week he yelled at a waiter and got easily frustrated over a failure to get his order exactly right. When I tried to calm him down, he yelled at me too. And was petulant all evening. I left a 25% tip to the poor waiter. I went home instead of staying the night as I usually do. Is this a deal breaker? He is 39, never been married. I'm a 31 year old divorcee.

No question.

DTMF.

p.s. now you're making excuses (it seems) for an intolerable asshole, a boor with no class. This is not about a "loud culture" at all. It's about being a complete dick.

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating a fellow for a couple of months. Last week he yelled at a waiter and got easily frustrated over a failure to get his order exactly right. When I tried to calm him down, he yelled at me too. And was petulant all evening. I left a 25% tip to the poor waiter. I went home instead of staying the night as I usually do. Is this a deal breaker? He is 39, never been married. I'm a 31 year old divorcee.

Imagine if you don't cook his steak right one day when youre married. Be thankful you have somewhere else to go. I understand being frustrated. Okay. But to take it out on my date? No way. If there is anyone who can calm me down its my SO.

Im sorry its going to end this way, but think about what this means in a larger context. (im a guy if that helps you)

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating a fellow for a couple of months. Last week he yelled at a waiter and got easily frustrated over a failure to get his order exactly right. When I tried to calm him down, he yelled at me too. And was petulant all evening. I left a 25% tip to the poor waiter. I went home instead of staying the night as I usually do. Is this a deal breaker? He is 39, never been married. I'm a 31 year old divorcee.

No question.

DTMF.

there is a reason he is 39 and unmarried

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I had almost a week to process what happened. We are from a "loud" culture so yelling isn't a deal breaker. Treating a customer service person badly is a big red flag. I added a big tip (from his wallet) so I do think he understands he crossed the line and he apologized to me. I think I will watch us very carefully but this alone will not make me end it with him.

Apologizing to you almost makes it worse. What did he apologize for? An apology does no good for the waiter, it's simply a move designed to keep you in the picture.

"I've been dating a fellow for a couple of months. Last week he yelled at a waiter and got easily frustrated over a failure to get his order exactly right. When I tried to calm him down, he yelled at me too. And was petulant all evening. I left a 25% tip to the poor waiter. I went home instead of staying the night as I usually do. Is this a deal breaker? He is 39, never been married. I'm a 31 year old divorcee."

"Loud" is different from impatient, unreasonable, petulant, or demeaning.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Classic "Don't Ask a Question You Don't Want the Answer To" issue.

I do want to see your answers! My life, my choice but I do consider other peoples' responses. Like I said, I will go forward very cautiously.

Wow. Classic "Don't Ask a Question You Don't Want the Answer To" issue.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I had almost a week to process what happened. We are from a "loud" culture so yelling isn't a deal breaker. Treating a customer service person badly is a big red flag. I added a big tip (from his wallet) so I do think he understands he crossed the line and he apologized to me. I think I will watch us very carefully but this alone will not make me end it with him.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Somebody's beating people up out there, OP. Who do you think those beaters are? Hey, how about the guy who gets mad at the waiter and chews him out and then his date, too? Note how hot tempered he is over nothing? Note how you couldn't appease him and his anger turned from the waiter to you? Note how later he apologized? What's going to happen when you've got your+his baby and he starts wigging out? You will be so screwed!

Always look to how a person treats those they perceive as subordinate to them, animals, strangers, kids, and some relatives…these are individuals who can't punish them or tell on them or otherwise get them in trouble. THAT is your true measure of character, what a person does when they think no one is looking, or if they think the person who is looking can't rat them out.

RUN

OP's thread title a few years from now:

"My husband yells at me and demeans me and I don't know what to do anymore!"

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I had almost a week to process what happened. We are from a "loud" culture so yelling isn't a deal breaker. Treating a customer service person badly is a big red flag. I added a big tip (from his wallet) so I do think he understands he crossed the line and he apologized to me. I think I will watch us very carefully but this alone will not make me end it with him.

I come from a loud culture too. Very different from asshole culture. I think that's what have here: an asshole.

Anonymous wrote:I have the same problem, except the douchebag is my mom.

Run.

Awesome (well not really) but made me chuckle. Are we sisters?

OP here, I had almost a week to process what happened. We are from a "loud" culture so yelling isn't a deal breaker. Treating a customer service person badly is a big red flag. I added a big tip (from his wallet) so I do think he understands he crossed the line and he apologized to me. I think I will watch us very carefully but this alone will not make me end it with him.