Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teenage daughter prefers to talk to my DH about sex. He told me the other day, that my DD were out shopping together when DD started asking him questions about his adolescent and pre-marriage sex life. He said she was floored to learn that neither Mom nor Dad were virgins when they married, that they slept together before marriage, etc. According to DH, this is the second time he and DD had such a talk. About three years ago, when DD was 12, he said they had the real discussion about where babies come from while at the batting cages practicing softball hits. I find it strange that my DD would not come to me to talk about these things. You would think because I was once a girl I could better relate it to her? Do you find it strange she would want to share these sorts of conversations with her Dad?

The fact that you posted this here tells me why she is not interested in talking to you.

Butch bye

Also, so she plats softball huh?

I don't understand this weird aside?

My oldest two are 3 and 5. They know where babies come from. Dh and I have both talked casually and age-appropriately about it so there are no surprises. I think it's great your dd has someone to talk to who keeps it safe, honest and provides facts.

Can I offer some advice? I grew up in a catholic household and my parents very suddenly split when I was your daughter's age. My mom or dad never spoke about sex or had the talk with me. I would've been perfectly ok if my dad started the conversation. It might be awkward at first, but at least there would be some information shared. I got pregnant three years later. I don't blame my parents or anyone else for that matter, but it might have made a difference if someone had talked to me. I believed all the crazy myths that teens talked about. In my case, I did eventually marry my baby's father and we're still married to this day but I've had to grow up much faster than most people. If my kids feel more comfortable asking their dad, I'll be thrilled they feel like they can talk to him. I do plan on having the talk with my kids though regardless.

It sounds like your DH did fine and you should be happy about this. The only thing I find slightly odd about your story is that it sounds like you might have not known about the talk when DD was 12 until recently. If so, I do think DH should have told you about it when it happened.

I agree with the PP who mentioned that 12 is way way way too old to have the first talk about where babies come from. I first had this talk with my son when he was 5, and he's not like some precocious genius or anything. He was curious, I found a book appropriate for his age.

This is a hint to me that Mom doesn't want to talk about sex. So the kid went to Dad instead.

Be grateful she did - if I was her age in 2013 and had questions about sex, I'd be looking to the internet for the answers. Which would give me some *interesting* answers.

I talked to my dad about sex because he was a straight shooter.

I would probably do the same as OP's husband...because I've always been honest with my kids.

However the wife resents that. She was pissed when I told my kids at a pretty young age that santa doesn't exist and just other stuff in general I get straight to the point and answer firmly and honestly and try to give some context, esp if its a mistake.

I find that it has really helped in my relationship with them because I've never really bullshitted them and they know this.

So yeah, the wife was mad when they were young because I would 'ruin' some makebelieve stuff to 'early'.

and now she's mad because they come to me to talk out more serious things and avoid her regarding real serious issues.

I think it's perfectly healthy for a child of either gender to talk to whichever parent they feel most comfortable with about sex. I think it's great for your DD to have a positive male role model who is honest about his sexual experiences and available to talk about things that many dads just make shotgun jokes about.

The PPs who suggest lying about your sexual history or denying her information when she requests it specifically are creating children who do not trust parents and who lie about their own experiences. You'd rather your kids learn these things from their friends, many of whom probably have parents who also lie or deny information?

13:38PP here - also, my parents were virgins when they married, and I knew that growing up, but I also knew that my dad had some non-marital sex between the time my mom died and he married my stepmom. Yeah, there was an "ewwww" reaction, but years later, I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to share his life with me. It's not like there was any detail given, just a reminder that yes, adults have sex, it's a part of life, they're not just your parents, but they're also non-parents in parts of their lives.

I don't think you should lie to your kids.

I was always closer to my dad, AND my mom had some pretty deep-seated issues about sex, so when the talks came, they came from my dad. And yes, it was a little uncomfortable for everyone involved, but probably easier for my dad than it would have been for my mom.

I hope that when the time comes, my daughter is comfortable going to her dad or to me. I suspect it will be to me, since we're closer, but who knows.

OP, if you act like you are open to questions in other areas, she might be more likely to come to you for stuff. You could also just say, "hey, do you want the female perspective on this stuff? I'd be happy to talk about it." good luck!