Anonymous
Post 11/06/2013 08:24     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
I posted earlier and the fact that the visiting relatives have funds and travel plus OP works part time and her DD is in camp are very relevant.

These house guests will not expect OP and her DH to be tour guides IMHO. They can go to Mt Vernon as one full day plus the Lion King [at Kenndy Center] with lunch before and dinner after is a day.

Since they are from Michigan I would suggest an 3 day trip to Annapolis and the DE beaches. No ocean in the midwest.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2013 08:23     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
Why can't you let them stay for a week and visit. They haven't come to your house in three years. It's a week and you're in the DC area. There are tons and tons of things to do.
Anonymous
Post 11/06/2013 08:05     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The whole "make your DH take a week off and entertain them" meme is both naive and misses the point. It's naive because most people get limited vacation, and DH taking a week off could very well mean OP would have to forego her own vacation. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. And is misses the point because it accepts the notion that these guests have to be entertained. No, they don't. They come, you spend a little time with them, have some meals together, and you go about your business and they go sightseeeing or do what they want. And if they expect otherwise, it is THEIR expectations that need to be modified, not OP's family's behavior.


All I can say, again, is that clearly, you don't have in-law's like this. Consider yourself lucky, and blissfully naive on the topic.


OK, I guess, but people only take advantage of you if you let them. If you want to be a doormat and pretend "you don't understand, there's noting I can do," go right ahead. I wouldn't recommend it for the OP, though.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2013 11:48     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree to suck it up. It is just a week and this is what you do for family,


Why do WOMEN always have to suck it up for the man's family?


I am genuinely straining to think of any of our couple friends who spend more time with DH's side of the family than DW's side of the family. I've been able to think of one, because his family is local and hers are in FL.


When we lived equidistant from the two families, we probably spent more time with his than mine because his family is larger and so there are more birthday celebrations and such, and also because, I love my parents but they drive me nuts sometimes.

I think it's on both members of a couple to suck it up for the other person's family barring special circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2013 09:53     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
I can't believe relatives would expect that you and DH would take off work (for a week!) to entertain them, particularly in DC. It sounds like they would rather do their own thing anyway.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2013 08:56     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
Anonymous wrote:The whole "make your DH take a week off and entertain them" meme is both naive and misses the point. It's naive because most people get limited vacation, and DH taking a week off could very well mean OP would have to forego her own vacation. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. And is misses the point because it accepts the notion that these guests have to be entertained. No, they don't. They come, you spend a little time with them, have some meals together, and you go about your business and they go sightseeeing or do what they want. And if they expect otherwise, it is THEIR expectations that need to be modified, not OP's family's behavior.


All I can say, again, is that clearly, you don't have in-law's like this. Consider yourself lucky, and blissfully naive on the topic.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2013 07:38     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
The whole "make your DH take a week off and entertain them" meme is both naive and misses the point. It's naive because most people get limited vacation, and DH taking a week off could very well mean OP would have to forego her own vacation. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. And is misses the point because it accepts the notion that these guests have to be entertained. No, they don't. They come, you spend a little time with them, have some meals together, and you go about your business and they go sightseeeing or do what they want. And if they expect otherwise, it is THEIR expectations that need to be modified, not OP's family's behavior.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2013 22:16     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
I would just be blunt and say you are ready overloaded with your daughter's needs and are not comfortable taking on house guests. I would tell them that she does not adapt well to changes in routine, schedule and having her space invaded. You would love to see them but are able to host them in your home.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2013 21:48     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
I think this will be okay with enough space and a lot of planning. Hopefully, you have an guest bedroom and bath. If you do not, really, you can look into nearby B&B's for them.

Also, send them off on at least one overnight excursion - to Williamsburg or something. Will they have their own car to use?

Plan daytrips. Make DH go once or twice alone with them and you relax at home.
Plan out the meals. One night out; one night home (somethign easy); one night take out.

Make DH in charge of the breakfasts. make sure DH takes the week off work.

If you get tired at night, retire to your room early to get a break and make DH entertain them.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2013 21:42     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
You guys are so rude. I would never say no to anyone who wanted to stay with us--especially family and I'm someone who likes my space a lot. And we have small kids. And no guest room and work a lot. This is family, people. Don't put your dh in that position and suck it up! Wow!
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2013 18:49     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
Anonymous wrote:Don't, don't, please don't! If you're looking for trouble, SIL is its name. Your reluctance now speaks volumes. If you don't say "no" and loudly right now, you'll spend the winter dwelling on it and regret your summer. When you start a new "why did I do this thread" then, I and a whole host of others who warned you will reply "I told you so," imploring you never to do this again.

Consider yourself warned.


+1 Or, like a PP said, let your DH take the week off and see how inconvenient it is when he has to entertain them because you are busy with your job and DD activities.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2013 18:23     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
Don't, don't, please don't! If you're looking for trouble, SIL is its name. Your reluctance now speaks volumes. If you don't say "no" and loudly right now, you'll spend the winter dwelling on it and regret your summer. When you start a new "why did I do this thread" then, I and a whole host of others who warned you will reply "I told you so," imploring you never to do this again.

Consider yourself warned.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2013 18:18     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
Anonymous wrote:If OP's husband takes the week off, then he's using up precious vacation days that OP may like to spend with him and their daughter by themselves.

OP, I am a "just let them come" PP. But if your daughter's autism is severe, and you genuinely think it would be a significant problem FOR HER, then that changes things.


I'm the poster who suggested that DH take the week off if his relatives insist on imposing themselves for an entire week. And I agree; a week of his vacation time is a lot to sacrifice. That is why I think OP should have him do it. He needs to understand that having this many guests for this length of time in a house under these circumstances IS a major inconvenience. Is he really willing to give up for his relatives to be here, or is he hoping that OP -- his DW -- will "just take care of that?"
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2013 17:13     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
I think suggesting a weekend is fine. Wait for their reply. This doesn't have to be a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2013 17:09     Subject: SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
Do you live in a small house