OP, your awareness of being almost 40 seems to be coloring your view of this relationship. You feel like you're getting older and may not have a better opportunity to marry and have children. But let me tell you, life is LONG. How will you feel about spending 30, 40, 50 years watching your husband be thoughtless and selfish toward the people you love and toward yourself? It will be impossible to maintain respect for someone like that and over the long haul, respect will be even more important than love in making your marriage tolerable. If you stay, it will wear you down to a nub.

Ok, so this is the same guy as the one in the "*he's* buying a house" thread. OP, this guy is telling you very clearly who he is. He will not change. The only question for you is do you want to live, for the rest of your life, with this man as he is now? He will not change. You cannot change him. This is what your situation will be. Do you want it, as it exists now, for the rest of your life, or not?

The person you marry and have children with is the most important decision you will make. This decision will affect your life until you die. If he is a jerk now, why would you ever do this?

Sounds like he wants older kids....playmates. Being a dad means getting up at 3am for a screaming infant and all the thanks you get is puke on your shirt. You think he can deal with that?

It's not just that he ignores your mom and family...eventually he will try to control your access to them. You will want to go visit, he will say no, you will fight, and eventually not go. You will resent him.

I know this is easier said than done, but get out now. He can't be fixed.

Have you ever gotten into a fight about it with him? What does he say? I can't believe you have never furiously demanded to know what his problem is with your mother.

Yes: don't marry him! If this is how he treats her now, how will he treat her and YOU after you are married and have kids? Are you crazy? Get out NOW!

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat people like waiters, pedestrians, the disabled. I would not stay with this person.

Meh. If he really wants to be married and have kids, he'd have married you a while ago and had kids with you. If you're real, he's a total jackass, and you should kick him to the curb. I'm older than 40, and I'd rather be alone than with a prick.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe you are almost 40 and

A. you think that's old.
B. you aren't self aware enough to know that life is too short to put up with cruel people.
C. you don't need anyone else to validate you. Better to wait for the right one than any one.

Yeah, but I want to have kids, and this guy really, really wants to have kids.

How long have you been engaged? Do you have a wedding date set?

Don't feed the troll.

No, he won't be a good father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's jealous of your mother he's not going to deal well with a nursing baby who needs you around the clock. There is a big difference between playing with someone else's kids and parenting. Parenting is a 24/7 job, you don't get to do just the fun stuff, it's not always a backyard BBQ and playing games, it's being covered in pee at 3am because your toddler had another accident, it's battles over meals and wearing a coat when it's freezing. He's not ready to be a father, don't make him one.

Yeah I know. I've not had kids but it's almost like he wants to have them to play with them. It's very his are. He can be really immature.

*bizarre

Lots of people realize that their spouses make awful parents after they have kids, you realize this now so save yourself. I love playing with my kids but that's only about 1% or being a parent. Please go to couples therapy before you get married, you need to sort out these things now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's jealous of your mother he's not going to deal well with a nursing baby who needs you around the clock. There is a big difference between playing with someone else's kids and parenting. Parenting is a 24/7 job, you don't get to do just the fun stuff, it's not always a backyard BBQ and playing games, it's being covered in pee at 3am because your toddler had another accident, it's battles over meals and wearing a coat when it's freezing. He's not ready to be a father, don't make him one.

Yeah I know. I've not had kids but it's almost like he wants to have them to play with them. It's very his are. He can be really immature.

*bizarre

Anonymous wrote:If he's jealous of your mother he's not going to deal well with a nursing baby who needs you around the clock. There is a big difference between playing with someone else's kids and parenting. Parenting is a 24/7 job, you don't get to do just the fun stuff, it's not always a backyard BBQ and playing games, it's being covered in pee at 3am because your toddler had another accident, it's battles over meals and wearing a coat when it's freezing. He's not ready to be a father, don't make him one.

Yeah I know. I've not had kids but it's almost like he wants to have them to play with them. It's very his are. He can be really immature.

Anonymous wrote:OP seems more trolly as the thread goes on. I think everyone's made the same point- he's going to be a bad husband and a bad father if this is the way he treats your mother. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Yeah, sorry, didn't mean to belabor it. I still think he will be a good dad but everyone's points are very well taken esp this is how he will treat me as time goes on, which I've already started to see. But at the same time no one, NO one is perfect. But yes it does make me really really angry and sad. Anyway, sorry. And thanks for everyone's advice.