Anonymous
10/17/2013 13:36
Subject: It is my fault
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know you want what's best for your daughter, but your suffering for years with this man isn't going to help your little girl. She will be happiest if you are happy. You could try sharing your genuine thoughts with your partner, even if it might lead to some fights, and see how you are able to resolve things as a couple. You say you have a happy home life without fighting, but it is a false happiness if it is maintained only by your concealing your true thoughts and feelings.
Sorry, but this is one of the biggest myths people tell themselves. Kids couldn't care less if you're happy[/b[b]]. They care about their own security and home life.
OP you both sound very young and immature, but of course there is hope for this situation. How old are you both? I think it's encouraging that this man wants to marry you, grow up and live a life together. I would suggest some serious counseling before moving ahead, but I believe -- as you seem to -- that that should be your ultimate goal.
I think when people say "your kid won't be happy if you're not happy", they are not suggesting that, literally, the kid waits on your happiness to be happy. Instead, when a parent is unhappy, they generally become harsh, mean, lose interest in spending time with the family, and perhaps lose that nice bubbly quality that makes their child enjoy being with them. This in turn, makes the kid unhappy b/c their parent is now a jack hole that doesn't have any fun with them. I, personally, can tell you, that as a kid, my parents' happiness deeply affected my own.
Anonymous
10/17/2013 13:31
Subject: It is my fault
Did Huma Abedin start this thread?
Anonymous
10/17/2013 10:26
Subject: It is my fault
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
My dad and mom were both heroin addicts. My dad eventually died of AIDS. After a suicide attempt my mother went into PI of MO County and lived in a halfway house where she met my step father who physically assaulted her and mentally tormented me. I finally moved into foster care and have been on my own since 17. I have never had one healthy relationship with man. I made it through high school and college by the skin of my teeth, but over time found happiness in outdoor activities and travel. I feel pretty good about my life except for my relationships with men. I do think he is a good person, but also lost too in his own way. I am probably going to have heart to heart...see if he wants some counseling to make this work without anything toxic and if it doesn't work out I will move on and stop the cycle.
And it is harder than you think. Many people can just walk away. But I have issues...so it isn't as easy for me as it might be for you. I am not denying any issues or needing help. I just am scared and sad.
OP, my heart goes out to you. You are an extraordinary person, making it through high school and college in such circumstances. Believe in yourself. You will be able to work through the issues.
Anonymous
10/17/2013 08:52
Subject: It is my fault
Anonymous wrote:I know you want what's best for your daughter, but your suffering for years with this man isn't going to help your little girl. She will be happiest if you are happy. You could try sharing your genuine thoughts with your partner, even if it might lead to some fights, and see how you are able to resolve things as a couple. You say you have a happy home life without fighting, but it is a false happiness if it is maintained only by your concealing your true thoughts and feelings.
Sorry, but this is one of the biggest myths people tell themselves. Kids couldn't care less if you're happy. They care about their own security and home life.
OP you both sound very young and immature, but of course there is hope for this situation. How old are you both? I think it's encouraging that this man wants to marry you, grow up and live a life together. I would suggest some serious counseling before moving ahead, but I believe -- as you seem to -- that that should be your ultimate goal.