Anonymous wrote:I like this offer:
After the kid graduates, offer to refund whatever he spent.

I like this. Help with the loans after the fact, IF he finished within a certain amount of time, or any other stipulations that might be important.

Absolutely not. I paid for my undergraduate degrees and now I am paying for my masters. When it's his own money being thrown away, maybe he'll take it seriously. Either way, he is 30 and needs to be cut off.

I'm not against paying for a kid's education, if you can afford it, but based on what you said, there is no way I would pay this person's tuition.

Nope, not under the circumstances you describe. He's still not serious about it.

Anonymous wrote:I hate your step-son. And by continuing to give him money, you are enabling.

I hope he hasn't procreated. Because watching my idiot BIL go down a similar route, that is where this train wreck is headed.

DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!!! You do not want to be stuck with a 30-something moron living at home with several illegitimate children like my IL's.

Stop the insanity now. Tough love. This is NOT hard times - he fucked up his life all on his own. He needs to figure his way out of the mess like a grown ass person.

This. I would offer to write him a check for $50,000 but with 2 conditions:
1. He gets a vasectomy before he spawns any more wasters, and
2. He never asks you for money ever again.

Anonymous wrote:

Similar story in my family. Now the grandchildren are asking for handouts. It will never end.

we should start a support group. This causes a lot of friction in our house, and the mess is thousands of miles from us. I fear when the kids grow up - I have a bad feeling it will turn into a cycle, and you just confirmed that it most likely will

Anonymous wrote:Solution: Drive him down to the local Army/Navy/Air Force/Marine recruiter and sign him up.

They'll provide him the discipline to get his act together and a GI bill to help pay for college. Plus he'll get a free trip to Syria in a few months.

It will allow him to find a way to pay for school. My husband would have flunked out of college had he gone directly after HS. He joined the military, got some training and started attending classes during his active duty time. He then got out, got a FT job and continued his college classes. It took him 10 years from beginning to end (with a couple semesters off here and there), but he was able to do it. It isn't the easiest road, but the discipline AND the college money helped tremendously.

Anonymous wrote:Plus he'll get a free trip to Syria in a few months.

what a bonus!

Solution: Drive him down to the local Army/Navy/Air Force/Marine recruiter and sign him up.

They'll provide him the discipline to get his act together and a GI bill to help pay for college. Plus he'll get a free trip to Syria in a few months.

"My husband thought I was being mean when I told him "no way in hell are we sending money" after we found out my BIL and his baby momma were on food stamps and medicaid while living with my IL's. He was just ashamed that someone in his family had to be on public assistance.

Well, if the morons hadn't procreated a second time when they could barely afford to stay afloat the first time PLUS exhausted my IL's resources to the point where they had to tell them "we can't afford to feed all of you anymore"....this was NOT falling on hard times. This was a lifetime of terrible choices that was just made worse by family enabling the bad choices.

See, I am happy to introduce your husband to my IL's. They live halfway across the country, but seriously - it is a sad, sad tale and you DO NOT want to wind up where they are. "

Similar story in my family. Now the grandchildren are asking for handouts. It will never end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!!! You do not want to be stuck with a 30-something moron living at home with several illegitimate children like my IL's.

I know, I worry that my DH always feels responsible to help him when he's in bad financial situations. I'm the one who always says "No", the bad guy.

But I don't want him living with us or supporting him after 30 just because we have money and he doesn't.

My husband thought I was being mean when I told him "no way in hell are we sending money" after we found out my BIL and his baby momma were on food stamps and medicaid while living with my IL's. He was just ashamed that someone in his family had to be on public assistance.

Well, if the morons hadn't procreated a second time when they could barely afford to stay afloat the first time PLUS exhausted my IL's resources to the point where they had to tell them "we can't afford to feed all of you anymore"....this was NOT falling on hard times. This was a lifetime of terrible choices that was just made worse by family enabling the bad choices.

See, I am happy to introduce your husband to my IL's. They live halfway across the country, but seriously - it is a sad, sad tale and you DO NOT want to wind up where they are.

No.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He needs to grow up and pay for his education himself. If he cannot afford it, he can take out loans. You are not talking about an 18-19-20 year old. You are talking about a 30 year old. No way my husband would pay for his grown kids education. They got one opportunity. Some took it, some did not. Their choice. He's done.

He tried to take out a student loan, but needed a co-signer. DH again was willing, but I said "No way", I don't want us to co-sign a 36K loan knowing his inability to make payments.

Then, he needs to get a second job or find a way to pay it. His share is very reasonable and many people in his situation do it. My husband did it that way, while paying a hefty amount of child support and trying to live (he had roommates, and basically spent nothing). If you had the money and he was actually trying, then I would say, sure, help but it sounds like he has goofed off for many years and needs to grow up.

Anonymous wrote:
DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!!! You do not want to be stuck with a 30-something moron living at home with several illegitimate children like my IL's.

I know, I worry that my DH always feels responsible to help him when he's in bad financial situations. I'm the one who always says "No", the bad guy.

But I don't want him living with us or supporting him after 30 just because we have money and he doesn't.

People do pay for their own education. I paid my way through undergrad at a Big Ten school, and then paid my way (with student loans for both) through graduate school when I went back at 27. He is an adult. You are not responsible for his financial well-being any longer.