This is just some really stupid shit! There are people with really serious problems and OP is bent out of shape that DD lost her "toy." JFC!!! Again, one of those First World non-problems!

He's probably not helping in protest because his wife is an insufferable bitch.

OP, that's really annoying. Can you post a description and a neighborhood to see if others can help look for it?

WTF is a lovey?

OP, I'm glad all is working out. I get that you needed to vent, I really do. I think people here are reacting to the anger and sanctimony in your original post. Frankly, it comes off like you, as a woman, are superior to your DH and to men in general because you think about details like loveys and he (and by extension all with a Y chromosome) don't. Can you not see how that rubbed some people the wrong way?

OP again. Holy crap, I certainly touched a nerve with a lot of you haven't I? Last post because quite frankly, many of you are just a-holes.

The no-lovey-outside rule wasn't my nagging rule just to piss my husband off. It was OUR rule because we were sick of looking for thing wondering where it was. WE decided keep it in the house, contain it, and at least we'll know it's somewhere in the house.

I didn't have a "night on the town." My friend was on an extended layover; we met at the airport. I know, try to contain your excitement about how much fun I must have been having! So unbelievably selfish of me, I know. My husband is in school, I work full time, and yes, I take the majority of childcare responsibilities because of his school schedule. One night away and he screws up. BS if you all wouldn't be pissed.

Did I have words with him? No, and PP I couldn't care less if you raise your hand or not. I had a distraught kid and I was actually trying to find the thing. How can I be yelling at him, trying to get her to sleep, and looking outside at the same time? My focus wasn't on my husband, it was on my kid.

And today, he said he was sorry, he screwed up, and looked around for it. It's still gone, but she'll survive and all will be well. No need to feel sorry for my kid for having me as her mother. No need for divorce as a few of you advised. I might even go out for dinner again with my friends!! I actually have sex with my husband. It was a VENT.

And I stand by my opinion.

Anonymous wrote:everyone who believes OP didn't have at least words with her DH raise your hand. Though OP is 'venting' there are typically important details omitted and selective memory sets in a she tries to garner support here. Most likely, there was an exchange, DH retreated - perhaps not wanting to escalate matters. Maybe, just maybe, as another PP mentioned, DD might have lost her shit when initially not allowed to take her lovey with her and DH simply tried to keep the peace and appeased her. so she lost it. big fucking deal.

Or maybe OP is a typical nag of a woman (sorry ladies, OP deserves it - just giving her some of her own tasteless medicine) who harps on everything single thing her DH does - and DH is just fed up with her and the sexless marriage he is stuck in.

So many assumptions, so little time.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be pissed too! Not as much about losing the lovey but his failure to help resolve the problem would make me totally lose my shit. When an adult creates a problem, that adult needs to solve the problem. Sitting around uselessly and not even looking for the damn thing?!?!

+1

Yes, everyone makes mistakes, these things happen, etc. But, according to OP, the husband isn't helping solve the problem. That's the issue here.

Anonymous wrote:I think what the OP is conccerned about is the fact that many men are not on top of the details of how their children's lives function. Making sure that every kid has several pieces of each type of clothing in the appropriate size, that there is childcare coverage for school closings, that permission slips are returned, that homework gets done, that pediatricians' appointments are made, that special medical diets are followed, that presents are purchased for the in-laws anniversary etc. are frequently handled by women. This stuff takes tremendous mental energy and planning. Time diaries show that men play with their kids more these days, but that women are doing a lot of the rest of the child-related responsibilities.

This isn't universal. I know plenty of men who pull their weight in this respect, but it's probably less than 40%. Whether it's nature or nurture, I don't know.

You're full of shit. Sorry that this is your reality.

everyone who believes OP didn't have at least words with her DH raise your hand. Though OP is 'venting' there are typically important details omitted and selective memory sets in a she tries to garner support here. Most likely, there was an exchange, DH retreated - perhaps not wanting to escalate matters. Maybe, just maybe, as another PP mentioned, DD might have lost her shit when initially not allowed to take her lovey with her and DH simply tried to keep the peace and appeased her. so she lost it. big fucking deal.

Or maybe OP is a typical nag of a woman (sorry ladies, OP deserves it - just giving her some of her own tasteless medicine) who harps on everything single thing her DH does - and DH is just fed up with her and the sexless marriage he is stuck in.

I think what the OP is conccerned about is the fact that many men are not on top of the details of how their children's lives function. Making sure that every kid has several pieces of each type of clothing in the appropriate size, that there is childcare coverage for school closings, that permission slips are returned, that homework gets done, that pediatricians' appointments are made, that special medical diets are followed, that presents are purchased for the in-laws anniversary etc. are frequently handled by women. This stuff takes tremendous mental energy and planning. Time diaries show that men play with their kids more these days, but that women are doing a lot of the rest of the child-related responsibilities.

This isn't universal. I know plenty of men who pull their weight in this respect, but it's probably less than 40%. Whether it's nature or nurture, I don't know.

OP, I would be pissed too! Not as much about losing the lovey but his failure to help resolve the problem would make me totally lose my shit. When an adult creates a problem, that adult needs to solve the problem. Sitting around uselessly and not even looking for the damn thing?!?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

polychromatic wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -

Children need to learn to deal with disappointments in life. Instead of criticizing your DH for a mistake made while taking care of your child, use the experience as a learning experience for her. Kids are resilient. She will survive her lost lovey a lot easier if you do not feed into her tantrum. She is probably picking up more on your anxiety than the actual missing object.

In a calm voice, tell your daughter her lovey is bye bye but she can have the other lovey if she wishes. If she choses to throw a tantrum, don't react and go about doing other things. She will calm down when she sees her tantrum is not getting the attention she wants. She will also learn not to fall apart when life doesn't go as she wishes.

As far as your DH is concerns, let it go. Being overly critical over any mistake is a great way to ensure he will avoid such tasks in the future.

Signed - Mother of four

Thank you...

At some point when you get blasted for not doing things the "right way", (still getting done) guess what??
you quit doing things. Because at some point it is easier to not do any thing than to get blasted.
The alternative is to stand your ground but that is easier said than done sometimes.

How was it the "right way" when the lovey is gone? Just saying.

He obviously paid attention to the daughter. She made it home, healthy and in one piece. I would say that was the right thing to do rather than pay so much attention to an object that the daughter is harmed in the process. You can buy a new lovey and the daughter can learn to deal with losses in life but you can't buy a new daughter.

Seriously, this is the new bar for parenting? "At least the kid came home alive." Holy shit, I'm never coming on this forum again.

The bigger question is why you have such a low opinion of men. How will this affect your dd relationship with her father and men in general? You are setting her up for some very rough years in the future. What will happen if you have a son? You are crazy if you think this is only about you.

+1
Why do you hate men? It is just weird to say this is why men get a bad rap on this board b/c your husband was watching your dd so you could go out and have a night on the town with your friends. The people bitching about men are the ones was husband cheats on them, does not share the child care load or goes out with his bros while you stay at home.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who has taken care of a toddler knows anything is losable. You can't take them through the daily routine by sheltering everything they own. If you did, you would never leave the house. Not a healthy compromise for the child. She and the DH lost something. Sure it's disappointing but get over it.

OP - you said you didn't blast your DH but I bet he can perceive your drama as you stormed out of the house and fed into your daughter's tears.

Yea and this is what will happen next time DH has the kid and OP will be back in here complaning that DH won't take DD anywhere.

Op, I understand your annoyance, but keep some perspective. You are peeved because DD is upset that she lost the lovey. Well, I bet one reason DH let her leave with the lovey is because she got probalby got upset at the prospect of leaving it home. DH is kind of in a damned if you do...damned if you don't spot.