As far as the sister, some day you just have to realize that you need to live for your family not someone else's. It sucks. It's tough. You miss vacations, you may have a rough time adjusting but fact is, your kids pick up on all of this. I still remember always worrying a check would bounce that my mom gave out since my parents made a lot of money but spent more. It's a hard cycle to change but if you're over extended, sister may be, too. Once you start making decisions for you and not for others, you will find it liberating.

If you feel broke now, wait until you have 2 or mor kids in private school. I don't think your DH will have a choice re: public or private. There is no way you could afford a $2M home and 2 kids in private on $500K HHI, especially if you're having problems now.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'mm still here and I've read all the responses and brought up a number of them with DH. Thing is, my family lived a relatively modest life even though my parents were highly educated and considered "wealthy". DH's family lived and still live a grand lifestyle and his siblings still do today. They just live in a much much cheaper part of the country. We need to cut out the 3 vacations a year with the family, but he refuses. I can just see his sister right now starting a gossip column with his prep school friends about how we must have money problems because we didn't go to Maine with them. All my research shows that our JKLMM school is a good school but public school? His sister again!

Wow, it seems like your DH is very insecure if what his out of town siblings mean more to him than his immediate family's financial welfare. He really sounds like a piece of work. BTW - I am the PP with the $550K income, home in Barnaby Woods, retirement, etc. Your DH really, really needs to grow up.

What in the world Are you spending your money on?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm still here and I've read all the responses and brought up a number of them with DH. Thing is, my family lived a relatively modest life even though my parents were highly educated and considered "wealthy". DH's family lived and still live a grand lifestyle and his siblings still do today. They just live in a much much cheaper part of the country. We need to cut out the 3 vacations a year with the family, but he refuses. I can just see his sister right now starting a gossip column with his prep school friends about how we must have money problems because we didn't go to Maine with them. All my research shows that our JKLMM school is a good school but public school? His sister again!

Then your challenge is a need for some major time with a financial advisor who will tell it straight to your DH.

$500K is a super high HHI, but it doesn't feel like enough if you're trying to live as if you make $700K/yr.
Living on $100K in this area is totally do-able, unless you spend as if you have a $150k HHI.

Sounds like image is very important to him - more important than financial responsibility. I'd be having long talks with a financial advisor, a couples therapist and possibly an attorney.

Let her talk and make your own decisions.

OP here. I'mm still here and I've read all the responses and brought up a number of them with DH. Thing is, my family lived a relatively modest life even though my parents were highly educated and considered "wealthy". DH's family lived and still live a grand lifestyle and his siblings still do today. They just live in a much much cheaper part of the country. We need to cut out the 3 vacations a year with the family, but he refuses. I can just see his sister right now starting a gossip column with his prep school friends about how we must have money problems because we didn't go to Maine with them. All my research shows that our JKLMM school is a good school but public school? His sister again!

Go out and buy a book on financial planning. Go step by step.

Suzie Orman is a good source

mymoney.gov


Get a computer program to document your spending and then document your spending. We use Quicken.

Good luck.

You'd only make 100K if you go back to work? Posts like this infuriate me. My husband and I make 98K COMBINED. We work in low paying fields that we both love and honestly we feel practically rich compared to all the years we were in graduate school trying to make it through. We save 2K a month once all the bills are paid (bills that include $750/month in student loans). We don't lack for anything that we legitimately need and even most of the things that we want (the trick is not wanting that much!). We were even able to take an amazing vacation to Tuscany last year.

If you can't save on 500K there is something wrong with you. Seriously. You need to rethink your priorities.

My guess is the person who bought the $350,000 house bought it twenty years ago and now lives in a house similar to Op. I don't see how you can't live on 500k. As far as counting on an inheritance, the retirement center can be 15,000/person/month if not more. That can depleat a large sum *very* quickly.

OP not sure if you are still reading, but I think the problem lies with your husband's expectations of what QOL $500k will get you in DC. We have similar stats to you in that we are in our mid 30s and our income is about $550k. My DH also grew up wealthy and is expecting somewhere between $3-4 million in inheritance *if* his parents don't need extended care, expensive medical treatments, etc. because of that big *if* we plan like we won't get a dime. So in 2009 we bought an $875k home in Barnaby Woods (now valued at a little over $1m) putting 20% down. We put the Max in retirement vehicles and have about $500k in 401k type plans now. We also have both term and permanent life insurance and put $1k per month per child into 529 plans for our two kids. We also send our oldest to DCPS. Our youngest is I. Private preschool.

I am not saying we are a perfect example of financial responsibility but I think what you can take away from this is that to ensure you have the necessary savings for retirement and college $500k doesn't get you the life your DH wants to live. But I think you already know that.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are mid 30s. Our income has been rising steadily but we've hit a ceiling. I could go back to work but with kids and prospects of working long hours to make only $100k its probably not worth it. Yes we need to cut back. I'm more willing to cut back than DH who thinks he's entitled to live a certain way because 1) he works so many hours and 2) he was brought up by relatively wealthy parents. Our house is the issue but we wont sell. It's our forever home, and in this part of NWDC prices are only going to go up.

So what do you want from DCUM? I think you are very irresponsible and would have a difficult time sleeping. But I would do something about it. Clearly you don't want to do that. So, start playing the lotto? Best wishes. I hope you guys can turn this around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a HHI of $500k. We have little savings (401k) a lot of debt, debt on our $2m NW house. We'll never make it if we can't make it now.

Why did you buy such an expensive house? We bought a $350,000 house when we made $184,000. We still live in that (paid off) house today, although we now make $450,000. And we have millions invested.

That's laudable for you. I couldn't personally live in what would be a $350,000 house in this area. I'd rather have the money tied up in a $2 million house and sell it when I retire than leave in a $350,000 house.

You could, you're just too entitled to do so. only 2 bathrooms? oh noez!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are mid 30s. Our income has been rising steadily but we've hit a ceiling. I could go back to work but with kids and prospects of working long hours to make only $100k its probably not worth it. Yes we need to cut back. I'm more willing to cut back than DH who thinks he's entitled to live a certain way because 1) he works so many hours and 2) he was brought up by relatively wealthy parents. Our house is the issue but we wont sell. It's our forever home, and in this part of NWDC prices are only going to go up.

Your DH is childish and needs to get a clue. As do you.

I find it hard to believe that there are grownups out there who really think this way. My 15yo son has better financial sense than you and your DH do, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our golden eggs are the future inheritances we will both receive (I hope) from both our parents. Of course our parents are in their late 60s so that may be 30 years from now.

Hope is not a plan.

How much is in your 401ks? You sound overextended and clueless.