Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a kid. She's 4 months old and the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. That said it suck. Sucks big time. Being pregnant is horrible. Labor is beyond the worst thing ever. Lack of sleep, no freedom, no time. Taking a shower is an achievement. Going to the bathroom is a luxury. I didn't originally want kids and I should have stuck with that. But that said its an amazing often wonderful experience.

I could have written this post, except that my DS is 6 months. He is amazing, and I love him- but I now know why I said I did not want kids. I can and will be an awesome mom for this little guy, but I can imagine my life without being a Mom. For me, it is not all encompassing.

Your kids are way too young for you to have any perspective on this question. When my son was this age, I was miserable. At some point, they become little people and that's when any real payoff starts. You also get a lot of freedom back.

Yikes, I can still have a perspective, just maybe not yours. And I am sure that my heart will grow with each stage, but the question was posed to parents, and even though my guy is little, I still get to answer. Also, I think its dangerous for parents to tell parents that 'it will get better', because maybe it won't. I love DS, I truly do. But I can already tell that I am different than a lot of Moms of little ones.

You will work from sun up to sun down to take care of the kids, make sure they are happy and stimulated, take care of the house, go to work, have a social life--it's all very hard.

But, I love it. It can just be overwhelming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a kid. She's 4 months old and the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. That said it suck. Sucks big time. Being pregnant is horrible. Labor is beyond the worst thing ever. Lack of sleep, no freedom, no time. Taking a shower is an achievement. Going to the bathroom is a luxury. I didn't originally want kids and I should have stuck with that. But that said its an amazing often wonderful experience.

I could have written this post, except that my DS is 6 months. He is amazing, and I love him- but I now know why I said I did not want kids. I can and will be an awesome mom for this little guy, but I can imagine my life without being a Mom. For me, it is not all encompassing.

Your kids are way too young for you to have any perspective on this question. When my son was this age, I was miserable. At some point, they become little people and that's when any real payoff starts. You also get a lot of freedom back.

I can't imagine how empty my life would feel without my son (second on the way) yes, it's hard, but he is the most joyous, loving little thing. Would never go back.

Pp. as said above choose your partner well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sucks more than people say.

But the good outweighs the bad for me. If you don't want to be a mom it might not be for you.

This. Also, it's a crapshoot. One of mine has special needs and while we are madly in love with him (and our daughter), I can tell you we have spent an unfathomable amount of money, time, energy, heartache, etc trying to help him adapt to the world and trying to make sure he gets accommodations. With the huge amount of love you have comes the heartache and heartbreak of seeing your child suffering just managing typical kid things.

I have a friend who's family went bankrupt due to medical bills from her daughter's cancer treatments. They would do anything for her and they have zero regrets, but like I said be prepared for anything. Love wins and all that stuff and the health of a child is more important than anything material, but seeing a child suffering can break your heart in more pieces than you can count.

I have no regrets and I honestly relate to all the sappy things people say about having kids because in some ways it is so magical, but it's shitty sometimes too, really shitty, exhausting, and frustrating.

I agree it is a crap shoot. Both my children have special needs. Parenthood is not for the wimpy. It is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes rewarding, sometimes not. IME, you have to be prepared to put away your wants (not needs) for at least two decades. Fathers and mothers - not just mothers. Choose your partner well.

I forgot to say than mine are teenagers. I suspect that most of this thread have much younger kids.

And, if you add a double special needs child (physical and severe adhd) then the difficulty is increased 10 fold. But, I love my child beyond my comprehension. My dh and I are stressed beyond measure. I love my dc, but if i had a do over dot dot dot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sucks more than people say.

But the good outweighs the bad for me. If you don't want to be a mom it might not be for you.

This. Also, it's a crapshoot. One of mine has special needs and while we are madly in love with him (and our daughter), I can tell you we have spent an unfathomable amount of money, time, energy, heartache, etc trying to help him adapt to the world and trying to make sure he gets accommodations. With the huge amount of love you have comes the heartache and heartbreak of seeing your child suffering just managing typical kid things.

I have a friend who's family went bankrupt due to medical bills from her daughter's cancer treatments. They would do anything for her and they have zero regrets, but like I said be prepared for anything. Love wins and all that stuff and the health of a child is more important than anything material, but seeing a child suffering can break your heart in more pieces than you can count.

I have no regrets and I honestly relate to all the sappy things people say about having kids because in some ways it is so magical, but it's shitty sometimes too, really shitty, exhausting, and frustrating.

I agree it is a crap shoot. Both my children have special needs. Parenthood is not for the wimpy. It is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes rewarding, sometimes not. IME, you have to be prepared to put away your wants (not needs) for at least two decades. Fathers and mothers - not just mothers. Choose your partner well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a toughie.

As a mother of three grown children, I can say it is a toss up.

Sure, I gave up A LOT to have my children. I gave up my freedom, my education, my career ambitions as well as any traveling experiences, etc. I started having children at nineteen and feel like I sacrificed a lot of my youth for them. (I am not in any way, shape or form blaming THEM at all....I made the decision to have them.)

There were times when the house was a complete disaster and I felt overwhelmed by the mess, the chaos, money issues, etc.

Now that they are adults and have their own lives, I am truly glad and finally feel free (!). I work as a Nanny and seeing people my age now raising young children makes me realize how lucky I am that now I am free of all that responsibility. I am no longer tied down, I can make and spend all my monies on myself, and I have the freedom to come and go as I please, etc. I am still young enough to do all the things I missed out on earlier in life and I can come home to a clean, quiet and orderly home every day.

Bottom line.
I love my children and am glad I had them. But I am just glad I did it when I was younger.

I cannot imagine having kids later in life.

I see so many parents so tired and I am so lucky that I get to spend all of my forties (and beyond!) on my own.

Yes, but those of us who had kids later in life did not have to sacrifice our education, career ambitions, and travel. We did all of these things before we had kids. There are benefits and downsides to either route.

Agree. It comes down to - would you rather have your 20s or your 40s without kids? Personally, I would not want to get pregnant as a teen and then spend my 20s changing diapers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is an empirical question. Rather than ask on a website like this, you should look at the research. Unfortunately, that is pretty clear cut that people who have kids are happier than those that don't.

And unfortunately, it's equally clear that empirical evidence cannot be used to predict any particular person or couple's perspective or feelings.

Have to say I am happier now than before I had kids. Our children have brought a wonderful dimension to our lives that wasn't there before. But yes, it is hard.

I love my child more than anything in the world a thousand times over. But I hate parenting and working and cleaning cooking etc. If I had $ to outsource some things, though, I'd be in heaven and would love parenting. I think my complaint is the impossibility of balancing things when you have kids. Money makes all the difference.

Anonymous wrote:It sucks more than people say.

But the good outweighs the bad for me. If you don't want to be a mom it might not be for you.

This. Also, it's a crapshoot. One of mine has special needs and while we are madly in love with him (and our daughter), I can tell you we have spent an unfathomable amount of money, time, energy, heartache, etc trying to help him adapt to the world and trying to make sure he gets accommodations. With the huge amount of love you have comes the heartache and heartbreak of seeing your child suffering just managing typical kid things.

I have a friend who's family went bankrupt due to medical bills from her daughter's cancer treatments. They would do anything for her and they have zero regrets, but like I said be prepared for anything. Love wins and all that stuff and the health of a child is more important than anything material, but seeing a child suffering can break your heart in more pieces than you can count.

I have no regrets and I honestly relate to all the sappy things people say about having kids because in some ways it is so magical, but it's shitty sometimes too, really shitty, exhausting, and frustrating.

When I clicked on this thread, I was expecting to see post after post about how fabulous kids were and I was really surprised to see all of the people commenting how hard kids were and that it isn't worth it, etc. I am not suggesting that children are for everyone, and that everyone should have kids. But what I can tell you is that not only do I love but children, but I truly enjoy pretty much every moment I spend with them. My DH and I work full-time, so the logistics can be tough (and expensive), but there is no greater joy to me than seeing my kids at the end of the day. No matter how terrible my day at work might have been, and trust me, there have been many bad days, seeing my kids puts a smile on my face. I love watching them grow, I love their relationship with one another, and I love being a parent. I have never found parenting hard. Sure there are times when I'm really, truly tired, ok exhausted beyond belief, and days when I feel like my kids are sucking all our life savings (don't get me started on how much ballet costs), but I cannot imagine our lives without them. We still travel, we still go out to dinner, but just not as much. In fact, I want to be home on Friday nights with my kids and I don't miss going out that much. Yes, there are some trips that we haven't been able to take (yet), and I'd love to trade our SUV for a convertible, but I have never ever looked back. For me, being a parent is joyous, and it isn't that hard. So, no, having kids does not suck.

Anonymous wrote:This is a toughie.

As a mother of three grown children, I can say it is a toss up.

Sure, I gave up A LOT to have my children. I gave up my freedom, my education, my career ambitions as well as any traveling experiences, etc. I started having children at nineteen and feel like I sacrificed a lot of my youth for them. (I am not in any way, shape or form blaming THEM at all....I made the decision to have them.)

There were times when the house was a complete disaster and I felt overwhelmed by the mess, the chaos, money issues, etc.

Now that they are adults and have their own lives, I am truly glad and finally feel free (!). I work as a Nanny and seeing people my age now raising young children makes me realize how lucky I am that now I am free of all that responsibility. I am no longer tied down, I can make and spend all my monies on myself, and I have the freedom to come and go as I please, etc. I am still young enough to do all the things I missed out on earlier in life and I can come home to a clean, quiet and orderly home every day.

Bottom line.
I love my children and am glad I had them. But I am just glad I did it when I was younger.

I cannot imagine having kids later in life.

I see so many parents so tired and I am so lucky that I get to spend all of my forties (and beyond!) on my own.

Yes, but those of us who had kids later in life did not have to sacrifice our education, career ambitions, and travel. We did all of these things before we had kids. There are benefits and downsides to either route.

So from my perspective...I did A LOT of traveling through my late 20's...I lived abroad, I did whatever I wanted when I wanted. Then, and only then...I was ready for my kid. And I can't imagine life any other way. I had a super easy baby so the whole first year hardship didn't apply to me, but I can tell you this, if I never travel again (which has been seriously put on the back burner) if I never go to a $200 a person brunch again, if I never just pick up and go again..I don't care. I have him and he makes me feel complete.

BUT had I not taken the time to do these things, I don't know that I would feel the same. You have to evaluate if you would be happy making life about the baby. If yes, go for it. If no...don't. Because I personally can't imagine wanting what I had and not being able to get it. Or to get it AFTER the kids have left.