Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much it costs you to get to the wedding should not be connected to the gift, nor should the fact that you're not bringing a date. I would feel awful to give any of my cousins less than $200 for their weddings.

If you can't afford to go, then don't go and send your regrets with a proper gift.

So you think the gift is more important than her presence??

Pp is horrible. $ > family

In your circumstances, I'd give a $50-100 gift. Pick something from the registry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the above real? Oh my

YES its real. I will say we are European background and within our group that is expected.
Do I feel its over the top? HELL YES. But I wont be the only one to not do it.

My sisters gave me 2500 for my wedding.

So it's not about the spirit of giving, it's about what others think of you? Nice.

Well, in a sense yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the above real? Oh my

YES its real. I will say we are European background and within our group that is expected.
Do I feel its over the top? HELL YES. But I wont be the only one to not do it.

My sisters gave me 2500 for my wedding.

So it's not about the spirit of giving, it's about what others think of you? Nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the people on this thread live in la la land.

$200 is crazy for a gift, unless it's for your child who is getting married.

A $40 gift is completely acceptable and normal. People want you there because they want to celebrate with close friends and family; not because they think you're going to give them a ton of money and stuff. (and if they are in the opposite camp, who gives two shits about them?).

You are in no way expected to pay for your plate.

WTF?? when my close cousin married I was a bridesmaid and son was ring buy. I gave $1000. For her shower I spent 700.

This is insane, some of you are cheap. I give 200 to any old person's wedding I attend. A cousin, far more!

If parents give their kids 200, they are cheap bastard. I would rather nothing at all.

You don't seem to realize what a very small bubble you live in. . . On second thought, I'd bet that you're very deliberate about keeping that bubble small.

I didnt start this, everyone does it. I am not going to be the cheap one who doesnt. It's not a small bubble. My cousin had 600 people at her wedding. (mine was much smaller).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the people on this thread live in la la land.

$200 is crazy for a gift, unless it's for your child who is getting married.

A $40 gift is completely acceptable and normal. People want you there because they want to celebrate with close friends and family; not because they think you're going to give them a ton of money and stuff. (and if they are in the opposite camp, who gives two shits about them?).

You are in no way expected to pay for your plate.

WTF?? when my close cousin married I was a bridesmaid and son was ring buy. I gave $1000. For her shower I spent 700.

This is insane, some of you are cheap. I give 200 to any old person's wedding I attend. A cousin, far more!

If parents give their kids 200, they are cheap bastard. I would rather nothing at all.

You don't seem to realize what a very small bubble you live in. . . On second thought, I'd bet that you're very deliberate about keeping that bubble small.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the above real? Oh my

YES its real. I will say we are European background and within our group that is expected.
Do I feel its over the top? HELL YES. But I wont be the only one to not do it.

My sisters gave me 2500 for my wedding.

I would be extremely uncomfortable if one of my guests had spent that much on a wedding gift. And both my DH and I come from money. It's just plain tacky and shows a complete lack of class.

Spending $40 on a GIFT is perfect, OP. The fact that you took the time to actually pick out a personal gift says a lot. Please don't put any stock in what you are reading here. Most of these posters were clearly raised in a trailer park.

I wouldn't attend unless the cousin was someone as close to me as a sister would be. You don't have the funds to be traveling and paying fo a wedding. It happens. Send a nice $25 gift and a card.

$200? Sheesh, I need to find a better - I mean richer - family. Mine are too much of cheapskates.

When we got married we had a few friends still in grad school. We asked them to be in the wedding party. They had to pay for plane tickets, hotel, and formal ware. We did not care that they did not give us a gift. We were just really happy they came.

Anonymous wrote:Is the above real? Oh my

YES its real. I will say we are European background and within our group that is expected.
Do I feel its over the top? HELL YES. But I wont be the only one to not do it.

My sisters gave me 2500 for my wedding.

I agree with those who say give what you can, and show your love to the couple. Weddings mean different things to different people. To some, it is about indulgence. To others it is about being together with your new spouse and the other people you love the most.

I don't remember who gave us checks at our wedding (although I am very thankful for all of them), but I will always remember the card my husband's aunt gave us with 3 crumpled $20 bills. I know that she often has trouble making it through the month, so $60 was a true hardship for her. I also remember someone else who gave us "only" a wedding themed photo album with a nice card. A cousin gave us "only" 3 jars of homemade jam. He's super-environmental, and the jars were reused. I suppose the $200 poster would be offended at these gifts, but my husband and I loved them, and spending time with people at our wedding.

One time when I was very tight on money, I gave my cousin something small for her shower. I did go up privately and told her I wished I could give her something more. I didn't make a big deal over it, and neither did she.

OP, give what you can - with love!

Is the above real? Oh my

Anonymous wrote:Some of the people on this thread live in la la land.

$200 is crazy for a gift, unless it's for your child who is getting married.

A $40 gift is completely acceptable and normal. People want you there because they want to celebrate with close friends and family; not because they think you're going to give them a ton of money and stuff. (and if they are in the opposite camp, who gives two shits about them?).

You are in no way expected to pay for your plate.

WTF?? when my close cousin married I was a bridesmaid and son was ring buy. I gave $1000. For her shower I spent 700.

This is insane, some of you are cheap. I give 200 to any old person's wedding I attend. A cousin, far more!

If parents give their kids 200, they are cheap bastard. I would rather nothing at all.

Anonymous wrote:Dear $200 gift poster, will you PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE start and advice thread in Off-Topic. DCUM needs you.

I also give AT LEAST 200 but am not the other poster who said that.