Anonymous wrote:NOT having the baby-which OP said she feels she wants - isn't going to transform the ass Dh into a decent person.

Why should she feel like she has to abort her baby for HIM?

+1

If you want this baby then have the baby, terminating the pregnancy won't eliminate your need to co-parent with your x-husband since you already have one child together. I'm guessing he doesn't want this baby because of the added child support but that's just to damn bad, its not his choice.

NOT having the baby-which OP said she feels she wants - isn't going to transform the ass Dh into a decent person.

Why should she feel like she has to abort her baby for HIM?

I would abort. I left my fiancé in a similar circumstance. We separated, got back together, he got physically abusive, I found out I was pregnant, I left him 3 weeks later after he purposefully totaled my car trying to hurt me and had an abortion the next day. I cannot imagine bringing a child into the world with a father like that.

Nope that wasn't OP; OP here.

21:41 tell me more about your friend and your thought process please.

Anonymous wrote:Seeing a friend in the same situation I gave this deep thought and concluded that not having the second kid in is the wiser decision.

Is this the OP?

Seeing a friend in the same situation I gave this deep thought and concluded that not having the second kid in is the wiser decision.

It is interesting that he is attending marriage counseling sessions with you. Do you think he is going to continue to spend the precious time venting? Do you need to apologize for some past action? If so, graciously do so, but let him know that it is time to stop venting in counseling sessions and deal with the present - not the past. Make sure he feels heard, but also make sure the counselor allots time for you to bring up your concerns. This ongoing anger is not healthy for your current child, etc. If you are going to consider abortion - there is a limited time window for that. You don't want to go into a pregnancy that you may not want, but keep because you are subconsciously doing it to spite him. Agree with previous posters about individual counseling for you to sort this out and soon. Are you getting prenatal care and testing?

He told me to have an abortion. I don't know how I'm going to survive this in one piece.

oh hell, OP. I was someone who said that I would probably terminate in the situation, but since you want the baby, you should have the baby. However, the above suggests things are going to get ugly. what's your financial situation and what about other support networks? There's a chance he may come around after the baby's here, but right now he's not attached to this pregnancy and is clearly looking to get out of the marriage. You two must absolutely have a few sessions with a counselor in the next 2 weeks to at least get stuff on the table.

Anonymous wrote:He told me to have an abortion. I don't know how I'm going to survive this in one piece.

Chances are he told you to have an abortion over financial concerns. Having the child or not is your choice - that is fairly established both legally and socially. If your concerned about his control over the child and he is concerned about his financial obligations it may be possible for you, with the help of an attorney, to lower his financial concerns and his control in exchange for one another.

One of the errors people make is believing that raising a child in a two-parent home is always preferable over a single parent home. While this is true for a FUNCTIONAL two-parent home there are indications it is not accurate when comparing a functional single parent home to a dysfunctional two parent home. If you are living in a dysfunctional relationship you are modeling a behavior that accepts unacceptable behavior from the spouse while the spouse is modeling unacceptable behavior directly.

To put it another way. Do you want your child marrying someone like your spouse OR do you want your child to be someone like your spouse? If the answer to both of these questions is no you have to consider the kind of behavior you are modeling by continuing the relationship. Yes children can break free of what they are shown but it is not likely. A child of an abusive relationship will often grow up to accept an abusive relationship OR be an abuser.

What an asshole. It's your body and your choice. He's probably just angry and lashing out. I would be so excited to be 42 and pregnant!

He told me to have an abortion. I don't know how I'm going to survive this in one piece.

"Depending on how much you did pre-separation (I did everything) you will find single motherhood liberating and possibly easier than when you cared for him as well. "

Ditto.

So many supportive responses, thank you! 12:20 12:14 12:08 and 13:29. I do want this baby. I am just really worried about getting through the first years, not just alone but battling an ex who insists on having his share of parental control over his child(ren) while turning everything into WW3. But thanks for all the positive input!

If I were 42, I would have the baby despite the state of my marriage. I think it's wonderful to give your child a sibling and it's a gift at 42!!!!