Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is my mother.

When I had DD, she:

- Put all of DD's stuff in a pile and put it on top of the cat litter area (soiled everything with cat doodoo)
- She broke my breast pump (trying to "clean it - man that was hard to take apart. . .")
- She smoked out the entire condo from burning something in the oven - it was horrible food and the whole place stunk for days!!!!
- She shrunk/ruined a bunch of our clothes

I think some people are just really super not smart. But the poison ivy thing had me totally cracking up OMG. Did she put the gloves back in the sink for you to use or what?

Why did you have her doing your laundry??? She is not your maid.

NP here. My mother lived with me and DS when he was an infant, and despite me specifically telling her NOT to do any of our laundry, she did and ruined some of DS's clothes. Unbelievably annoying.

OP I hope you're able to get out soon. I completely feel for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Today, before she left, MIL asked me to lock the door behind her, and I said with a silly smile and sarcastic tone "Sure 'Jonie,' I love you."

A sarcastic "I love you"? Why would you say this??

OP here. I said it because I wanted to make her laugh, and it worked because she cracked up... and believe it or not, I do love her. She just drives me up the freaking wall. We actually get along pretty well because I don't tell her about my issues with her because I'm in her house and she tends to react like a big baby when I do say something. I learned that one early on.

Oh... and my new iron works great. Thanks to the poster for the suggestion!

Today, before she left, MIL asked me to lock the door behind her, and I said with a silly smile and sarcastic tone "Sure 'Jonie,' I love you."

A sarcastic "I love you"? Why would you say this??

NEVER EVER in a million years would I say "Geez, you ate the meal, can you lift a finger and help clean up every now and then????"
Nor would I ever say, "Could ya just put the iron away since we all use it?"

I just go and get it. Which, by the way, I've pretty much dealt with via a suggestion here on this site... I just bought another. Now, she'll eventually take that one too, but I'll deal with that in the same way. As a matter of fact, I didn't say anything about the bottle brush incident. I simply waited until she walked out and discreetly threw it away. Yeah, I did it with a massive eyeroll, but so what.

Why wouldn't you say some of these things? Sure OP, It's a lot easier to let someone frustrate you and then be pissed, passive aggressive, roll your eyes, etc, than actually communicating with them. But given your current situation, that's not healthy behavior or good modeling for the kids. An admonishment to "lift a finger and help clean up" obviously won't work, but "could you put the iron away since we all use it" is totally reasonable. Families under one roof have to communicate, end of story. Now, if you continue to try, and it gets ignored, you have my sympathies. But as some other posters have pointed out, if you're that miserable, it's time to pack up the brood and go. I'm willing to bet there's some less than ideal housing options that would still be more appealing than your current situation, and I bet your MIL would welcome her freedom/privacy back. Get creative, get your DH on board and move forward.

Anonymous wrote:FWIW I don't think any of your comments sounded bitchy or entitled. You have legitimate gripes.

+1. You get nothing but empathy from me, OP. Good luck. It's a tough situation, but just keep repeating yourself: "this, too, shall pass."

FWIW I don't think any of your comments sounded bitchy or entitled. You have legitimate gripes.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I posted on the first page about having lived this exact situation.

Do not explain anything to the heartless and prejudiced people on this board who hurl insults at you. The more you attempt to justify yourself, the more they will hound for your blood. It's psychological.

When I was living with my parents, DH and I took advantage of nearly every private minute we had to commiserate with each other and brainstorm options to leave. Once I tried venting on DCUM and half the responses were like the meanies' on this thread. Until they become unemployed long-term, and have to decide whether to live under a bridge or stay at their ILs', they will NEVER get it. They'll just continue to kick you when you're down.

You might as well get off the thread. Talk as little as you can to your MIL. Hide the stuff you really cannot afford to lose. Maybe jog every morning to keep you from going insane?

Hang in there.

+1

The people telling you how wrong YOU are, are the very people who inevitably will treat their children's spouses like shit and think its ok. Here's to hoping you and your family are able to get on your feet ASAP.

OP, I posted on the first page about having lived this exact situation.

Do not explain anything to the heartless and prejudiced people on this board who hurl insults at you. The more you attempt to justify yourself, the more they will hound for your blood. It's psychological.

When I was living with my parents, DH and I took advantage of nearly every private minute we had to commiserate with each other and brainstorm options to leave. Once I tried venting on DCUM and half the responses were like the meanies' on this thread. Until they become unemployed long-term, and have to decide whether to live under a bridge or stay at their ILs', they will NEVER get it. They'll just continue to kick you when you're down.

You might as well get off the thread. Talk as little as you can to your MIL. Hide the stuff you really cannot afford to lose. Maybe jog every morning to keep you from going insane?

Hang in there.

OP here.

I need to clarify:

OF COURSE IT WAS BITCHY! I was not really asking for opinions on the previous comment because I KNEW it was bitchy. I meant it as snark. Now, I see it certainly didn't come off that way!

To clarify again:

Of course I am appreciative. And I need to make it clear that MIL and I, although VERY different, do maintain a respectful relationship. When I run errands, I ask her if she would like anything, I take her to run her own errands and often times, bring her home a cup of coffee, her favorite snacks, or her much loved sweet tea. I'm not walking around her home with my head held high as if I'm better than her, but looking back at my previous posts.... it sure does sound that way. But keep in mind, at those times when I posted, I was fresh off another incident that pushed me to log on to this site so I could get it all out.

Today, before she left, MIL asked me to lock the door behind her, and I said with a silly smile and sarcastic tone "Sure 'Jonie,' I love you." She turned around, looked right in my face, and in an even sweeter, funnier tone, said, "You can be a real bitch, you know that?"

We both laughed as she headed off. Point is, we're just different. The only way to make my living situation better is to move out, which by the way, is much more of a reality thanks to the feedback I've received here!

Thanks to you all for the humbling yet honest comments. Thanks especially to those of you who genuinely understand, because this experience has been far from positive. But now, we are getting that one-bedroom. We'll get on our feet from there, because it will be better for everyone.

As for the comments on being "financially responsible," I don't know what kind of struggles you've had, but they obviously were either easily solvable or not as bad as you may think. I don't know if you married into money, if your parents gave you money, or if you have genuinely done it on your own, but please don't be ignorant enough to believe that financial struggles come about as a result of being irresponsible.

My husband and I are both college educated and paying back student loans. We have one vehicle that we bought and paid for and as young adults, and also as young adults, did not have a single person show us how do make good financial decisions. Sadly, for us, its been all about trial and error. We don't go out to eat, we don't shop unless we need socks or underwear, and we've had the same comforter on our bed for the last 10 years. I'm saying all this to make it clear that the "you made your bed" style comments couldn't be more wrong.

Yes, OP, that was bitchy. All of your complaints are bitchy and entitled. You need to work harder on moving out and developing a more tolerant attitude towards your MIL.

You should also be thankful she allowed you to stay in her house this long.