Anonymous wrote:I guess I should clarify. My problem is not paying for college- we have been saving since she was little and should have enough for her to go to a decent school. I just feel like at this age, kids start paying for their gas, etc. Am I way off base? Or do most parents pay for these things?

I think it's reasonable for parents to pay for essentials such as food and health care and school-related expenses such as mandatory field trips, but anyone over 16 and able to work should be responsible for things like spending money, cell phone, gas, and their own car expenses if they have one or have access to one. Clothes I'd choose a middle ground on...I'd give her a modest budget to update her school clothes each year in high school - say, $250 - and then anything over that would be her own expense.

I'd also expect her to be saving for college. You may be paying tuition and room, but I m'd encourage you to require her to save for her personal expenses, dorm decor, books, clothes, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should "feel" the affects of not having a job. Determine a small amount of money each week that you will give her, and then no more.

When she is hungry for more $, she may find a job. But jobs are hard for teens to find. And she may be scared. And she may need help -from you- finding one.

Then she is not ready to do anything on her own. When I was 14 and one day, I asked my parents to drive me to the local supermarket so I could get a job application to become a cashier there. The only help I needed in filling it out is asking for my social security number.

The only "help" she should need is a pep talk to put on her big girl panties and get out there and do it. Freaking pathetic. Stop helicoptering children.

Which goes to prove that every one has different parenting styles and family dynamics. Good that it worked for you, but it may not work for others.

Anonymous wrote:She should "feel" the affects of not having a job. Determine a small amount of money each week that you will give her, and then no more.

When she is hungry for more $, she may find a job. But jobs are hard for teens to find. And she may be scared. And she may need help -from you- finding one.

Then she is not ready to do anything on her own. When I was 14 and one day, I asked my parents to drive me to the local supermarket so I could get a job application to become a cashier there. The only help I needed in filling it out is asking for my social security number.

The only "help" she should need is a pep talk to put on her big girl panties and get out there and do it. Freaking pathetic. Stop helicoptering children.

OP,

When did she start applying for jobs? The job market is super tight. My 16-year-old got a part-time summer job through his dad. I know many 16-year-olds who are not working fulltime. Maybe she could add a day of volunteering to her plate? It's also tricky for place to hire teens as family vacations get in the way.

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

Ha, I am imagining your children in 20 years saying to you, "No, you can't live with us when you get sick and no, we won't help pay for your nursing home. Don't expect us to bail out your bad decisions." In my family we take care of our own.

People are bashing the idea of working in a burger joint. Guess what? I worked in our college admissions office for work-study as an undergrad and I can promise you that a job at a burger joint looks just as good or better on a college app than volunteering at a hospital or in a museum. The only exception might be if your volunteer work were for a special project that had major leadership potential or a tangible product that was a sole endeavor of an extraordinary sort. But patents who think that they should shelter their gifted little Larla from getting her hands dirty with condiments in favor of a cushy volunteer gig are mistaken if they think that colleges dismiss service industry jobs.

We values commitment, growth, etc. so starting a job at 16 and getting promoted to assistant manager at 17 looked great. Taking on some kind of initiative or leadership is important, and it can be done in all kinds of jobs

That may well be true, but there are reasons you might want your kid to spend their time volunteering at something that they are interested in other than bolstering their college resume. I spent two years in high school working at Burger King (a nice step up from my previous job sorting mushrooms). I didn't learn much from it, except be on time, listen to the manager etc. - stuff that as a relatively respectful kid, I would have done anyway. Basically, it was just a way to get money - which is fine, that is why I needed the job in the first place. Nobody at the restaurant I worked at was getting promoted to assistant manager at age 17. The workers who held those positions were older, with more than a year or two of work experience.
There's nothing shameful about having a job for the sole purpose of getting money, and for some kids, it can definitely help to develop a work ethic. I got into a good college (no idea of my job factored in favorably). But if were financially possible for me to volunteer instead, I would have been able to learn more about what I might be interested in doing long term. The point of an internship/volunteer position should be to learn something about a field you may be interested in pursuing, not to act as some "gold star" for college admissions offices.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

My parents paid for me to go to a state school, and yet amazingly, despite your prediction of a lack of independence, I manage to take care of my kids, work full time, and volunteer at my church. My parents have not given me money since, except for whatever they paid for small birthday or Christmas gifts.

My teen volunteers, does academic camps and extra-curricular activities throughout summer - so does not have a solid chunk of time which would allow her to get a paying job.

I have "employed" her at home to help me. I pay her by the hour for chores around the house and tutoring younger siblings for a certain number of hours per day.

These chores are mandatory. She can choose to get paid or not get paid for it - but my expectation as a "mom-employer" is - promptness, timeliness, following my guidelines and lack of attitude.

I don't exceed more than 2 hours a day - I pay her $10/ hour. She also has flexibility to get out of it on the weekends...only if she has plans with her friends!

We pay for everything for her. I think she would like to pay for things but the only opportunity she has to spend the money is when she is out with her friends, buying presents for the family or at a bookstore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

You do what works for your family, but I think that you are making some dangerous generalizations. By itself, paying for a kid's education or helping them pay for it does not make them dependents who cannot take care of themselves. My job as a parent is to prepare my kids for the world as best I can and make them self sufficient. In this current job market, an undergrad degree is the basic entry level requirement. So I have no probelm paying the lion's share. What I do require is that they provide most of their own spending money, that they get good grades and that they have some skin in the game (either through scholarships or loans).

Nobody expects you to pay for their wedding or their first house - I would not pay for either of those myself. But I do not think that a college education is the same thing!

Agree completely. We will pay for DD's college. I am grateful that my parents paid for my undergrad. Then, I paid for law school myself by working full time and going to school at night. Boy, my parents' generosity sure turned me into a lazy-ass slacker, right?

Same here! Now I make a good income (better than my parents ever did) and will happily help them when they need it. I hope the miserable parent above doesn't have any expectations of help from their kids when they're elderly etc

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

What a miserable family. I bet you're the type who's going to charge them for watching their kids.

I'm 43 and I don't want a job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would be unacceptable to me. She needs to be doing something educational or productive for 40 hours a week. If she wants to get a job in the gift shop of either the hospital or museum that would be fine. But sitting around doing nothing is completely unacceptable to me.

I agree with this advice, OP.

She is 16. Why should she work for 40 hours a week?

She has the rest of her life to work 40 hours a week.

She should "feel" the affects of not having a job. Determine a small amount of money each week that you will give her, and then no more.

When she is hungry for more $, she may find a job. But jobs are hard for teens to find. And she may be scared. And she may need help -from you- finding one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

I see kids whose parents don't pay for college and I feel really, really sorry for them. They are not getting as much out of the college experience as they could because they have to spend so much time working.

Agree, although I worked in college and it was fine. but I worry about letting kids rack up loans for college. They carry such a heavy debt burden, that degree is almost useless to help them get ahead in life. I'd do everything I could to help my kids avoid loans in college these days.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about that. She is working; just not for money. That's not a bad thing. So many teens are applying for jobs and not getting them. She has one that hopefully she enjoys.

Ten hour? That's dabbling, not working.