Anonymous wrote:We contribute $300.00 a month to my MIL on a monthly basis for over 6 years. We also provided the downpayment for her house and split the cost with a BIL for her last used car. I am sure that we will be undertaking at least one major renovation in her house in the next few years. My DH has 4 siblings yet we are the only consistant contributors. The house, although we made the downpayment and have made a few payments prior to the $300.00 a month contribution, is not in our name. Frankly, I don't care. My view is that the $300.00 a month payments will ease my conscious when his mother needs to live with someone and I say - "Not here, we have done our part."
However, I was raised in a family where my mother and uncles all did a massive renovation of my grandmother's house, bought her several new cars, and currently pay for her live-in help (she is 95). I was raised to be thankful that my MIL raised a man that I thought the world of - enough to marry. I can not thank her enough for turning out such a wonderful son and I would not begrudge her in her later years of the "fruits" of her labor. No we are not rich, we budget it in like a car payment. I don't need lattes from Starbucks. I am not going to let mercenary feeling regarding who gets what after someone dies or goes into a nursing home stop me from doing the right thing.

So by your own admission your motive is not simply to help, but to arm yourself against future respnsibility for MIL? It's good of you to help, surely, but in OP's situation one sibling is putting the MILs house in her name without discussing it with other siblings and brushing off questions about it. That is not cricket and it is more than reasonable for PPs to question it, including myself.

We contribute $300.00 a month to my MIL on a monthly basis for over 6 years. We also provided the downpayment for her house and split the cost with a BIL for her last used car. I am sure that we will be undertaking at least one major renovation in her house in the next few years. My DH has 4 siblings yet we are the only consistant contributors. The house, although we made the downpayment and have made a few payments prior to the $300.00 a month contribution, is not in our name. Frankly, I don't care. My view is that the $300.00 a month payments will ease my conscious when his mother needs to live with someone and I say - "Not here, we have done our part."

However, I was raised in a family where my mother and uncles all did a massive renovation of my grandmother's house, bought her several new cars, and currently pay for her live-in help (she is 95). I was raised to be thankful that my MIL raised a man that I thought the world of - enough to marry. I can not thank her enough for turning out such a wonderful son and I would not begrudge her in her later years of the "fruits" of her labor. No we are not rich, we budget it in like a car payment. I don't need lattes from Starbucks. I am not going to let mercenary feeling regarding who gets what after someone dies or goes into a nursing home stop me from doing the right thing.

That makes no sense. I haven't directly paid a homeowners insurance premium in the 20 years I've owned property-- I just let the mortgage company escrow do it. There's no need for the owner to be the one who writes a check.

I would not entrust paying the insurance premium on my most expensive asset to someone else.

Anonymous wrote:Talked to SIL. She said she was putting the house in her name via a sale in order to pay insurance. Said MIL should be getting around 3k a month which doesnt explain why she cant afford home insurance.

I asked - so are you going to inherit the house since you sre putting all this money into it? She answered - i dont know, it doesnt matter. Very vague answers.

That makes no sense. I haven't directly paid a homeowners insurance premium in the 20 years I've owned property-- I just let the mortgage company escrow do it. There's no need for the owner to be the one who writes a check.

And if the house is in her name she won't inherit it-- she'll already own it.

Anonymous wrote:Talked to SIL. She said she was putting the house in her name via a sale in order to pay insurance. Said MIL should be getting around 3k a month which doesnt explain why she cant afford home insurance.

I asked - so are you going to inherit the house since you sre putting all this money into it? She answered - i dont know, it doesnt matter. Very vague answers.

It is in her name so of course she is getting it and probably everything inside as well. How much is this house worth? I'm sure this could be done in another way. What if she wants to kick her out later?

Talked to SIL. She said she was putting the house in her name via a sale in order to pay insurance. Said MIL should be getting around 3k a month which doesnt explain why she cant afford home insurance.

I asked - so are you going to inherit the house since you sre putting all this money into it? She answered - i dont know, it doesnt matter. Very vague answers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would work on a plan now while she is still younger. OP it is could you are voicing your concerns now.

there is no plan. She just does what she wants and everyone else try not to ask any questions.

This is how most families operate. No one feels comfortable asking the tough questions. But trouble is brewing. So many elderly people have no real plan for the last 10 or 20 years of their life. It seems ok to go day by day but then their health goes down hill and expenses go up and elderly people may not adapt to a quick change when they run out of options.

Anonymous wrote:I would work on a plan now while she is still younger. OP it is could you are voicing your concerns now.

there is no plan. She just does what she wants and everyone else try not to ask any questions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sister in law is putting the house if her name but trying to get you to pay for repairs?? Are you kidding me?? O, are you this naive?? That means when mom dies, she gets the house. If mom is not on the title at all, sister in law can kick her out and sell the house! My lord. Do not give a dime.

She has a reputation as a very decent person. Says shes doing it to pay the insurance and bills.

Although there was some shady story when she stirred up a conflict with her grandmas house inheritance. She objected to who was going to inherit it and at the end no one got the house. The taxes on it were not paid and it was sold for nothing by the state.

You don't need to have a house in your name to pay insurance and bills. She is staking a claim to the house - do not be naive about this.
Now that may be fine but you all need to have a discussion about who is getting what and who is going to pay for what.
Otherwise this is going to end very badly, with lots of acrimony, just like it did with her granmammy.

Anonymous wrote:The sister in law is putting the house if her name but trying to get you to pay for repairs?? Are you kidding me?? O, are you this naive?? That means when mom dies, she gets the house. If mom is not on the title at all, sister in law can kick her out and sell the house! My lord. Do not give a dime.

She has a reputation as a very decent person. Says shes doing it to pay the insurance and bills.

Although there was some shady story when she stirred up a conflict with her grandmas house inheritance. She objected to who was going to inherit it and at the end no one got the house. The taxes on it were not paid and it was sold for nothing by the state.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sounds like all you grandmother wanted was to spend her final years in familiar surroundings full of memories of her lifetime and not in a cold and sterile place that she knew was simply a stopover on her way to the morgue.

Everywhere is simply a stopover on the way to the morgue. The sooner we all realize that the sooner we can start making appropriate plans.

My grandmother spent 20 years telling us how much she hated the house but was too "stuck" and fearful to make a change. She had three daughters that wanted to welcome her with open arms into their homes. In the last few years of her life she would have health issues in the middle of the night and would call my aunt who was still working and she would have to run over. It was very stressful for her family. Her living situation was dangerous but we would have had to get her out in a straight jacket. It was a very sad situation. She was legally blind at this point and could not do the stairs or see the stove. I just think that families need to start making plans early. We are left with a lot of sadness with how the last years of her life were spent. Perhaps her "choice" but I think if she could have let go of that house years ago she would have had better quality of life live in cleaner, safer conditions with her family or in a one level apartment near by. I just have guilt that we did not figure out a plan earlier for her.

Anonymous wrote:
Sounds like all you grandmother wanted was to spend her final years in familiar surroundings full of memories of her lifetime and not in a cold and sterile place that she knew was simply a stopover on her way to the morgue.

Everywhere is simply a stopover on the way to the morgue. The sooner we all realize that the sooner we can start making appropriate plans.