PP, thank you. That is one thing I have been thinking about since I made this post yesterday. I didn't think that was even a major thing to consider. My thoughts were "Oh wow, $100k is a lot of money. It sucks he's not making a ton f money to pay it off easier. Hmmm, what can we do as a couple to help, and what can I do?"
Yes, I know, he really needs to step up. I thank DCUM again for laying this all out.
I think that obvious point went over my head because I'm not really using my degree (I did what many of my friends did who were unsure- BA in "communications") and know many others who aren't- but we also don't have $100k in debt.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. To answer a few questions. No, we will not leave the country. No, his parent didn't co-sign.
Wedding won't be for at least a couple years, and money will definitely factor into possibly waiting even later than that. Kids are not on my/our radar right now.
He absolutely needs a second job. I don't want to give details here of what his degree was in and what his job is now. But, he has a BA and a masters from a state school, with a lot of relevant experience using those degrees (internships and teaching), but ultimately chose to work somewhere in a somewhat entry-level position that pertains to what he wants to go back to school for. Sorry to be so obscure about it- I already feel bad airing our dirty laundry on DCUM.
I know there's a few factors here. Including aspects of our personalities, past relationship issues, current relationship dynamics, mismatched finances etc-- that could be a few different posts so I'll spare you.
It's clear we need to talk.

You see this right here, that I have bolded? That is a massive red flag. You don't take on $100 k of debt and then change your mind about what you want to do until after you have paid that debt off. It is like going to law school and then deciding you want to be an actor when you have $400K in debt.

Our choices in this world are constrained, and sometimes we have to commit to things that we don't really want to. If he doesn't understand that, then why do you think he is marriage material?

OP again. To answer a few questions. No, we will not leave the country. No, his parent didn't co-sign.
Wedding won't be for at least a couple years, and money will definitely factor into possibly waiting even later than that. Kids are not on my/our radar right now.
He absolutely needs a second job. I don't want to give details here of what his degree was in and what his job is now. But, he has a BA and a masters from a state school, with a lot of relevant experience using those degrees (internships and teaching), but ultimately chose to work somewhere in a somewhat entry-level position that pertains to what he wants to go back to school for. Sorry to be so obscure about it- I already feel bad airing our dirty laundry on DCUM.
I know there's a few factors here. Including aspects of our personalities, past relationship issues, current relationship dynamics, mismatched finances etc-- that could be a few different posts so I'll spare you.
It's clear we need to talk.

OP here. Thank you everyone. This is a lot to think about. To be honest, I didn't realize the importance of this on our marriage/relationship. I understand $100k is a lot of money (especially given our finances), but as someone with no college debt (thank you state school and Dad), I guess it just wasn't on my radar until recently.
I need to have a sit-down about our finances. I want to know the details of the loan (exact amount, terms of loan, etc) so I don't feel out of loop and have to ask questions on DCUM.
Dumping him and finding someone else hadnt even crossed my mind. But, I do think reading everyone's replies gave me a slap in the face- a needed one. And I think he needs one too. Metaphorically of course.

And did his parents co-sign for any of those loans?? Defaulting will screw them over.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why is this a problem it's clear that he needs to earn more money with one job or get a second.

Default should never be an option. It really sounds like your fiancee is an underachiever if he hasn't already thought about getting a second job. Maybe he doesn't mind that you're covering more than your share of the bills.

Think twice before marrying him, you'll likely resent him and his predicament within the first year.

+1

The fact he doesn't already have two jobs and isn't living somewhere cheap but letting OP cover more says everything about his character. Marry him and you are in for years of struggling just to get to *zero.*

I had $83,000 in student loans when I met my husband, I told him a few months into dating him, I worked three jobs and had a roommate... I finished paying them off myself right before the wedding. Man, those numbers kept me up at night. He would have married me WITH the debt, but I didn't want him to. Married at 34. Three kids later, I hear stories about how student loan debt makes people postpone marriage, children, houses, contemplate suicide, and breathe a sigh of relief.
You may not WANT it to make a difference in your relationship, but it will. In every aspect.
He has to have a plan to deal with it. You can't do it for him.

Hopefully he can go back to school and become a nurse practitioner or physician assistant after defaulting on his student loans. I urge you as his fiancee to tell him to pick up a second job and pay off the loans as an investment in your futures. You don't want to have to financially support this guy for years.

Why in the world would he take out 100k in loans for a job in a field that pays only 30k? He needs to get a different job or an additional job. Do not marry him. If you want to have some sort of ceremony with friends and family that's fine but don't legally marry him without at least having a real plan on how to pay off his loans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you telling me he doesn't have a clue about how much he took out in federal and private loans. He would only have resorted to private loans if he (/parents) made too much to qualify for federal or he maxed out at what 48k?

OP, he really should understand every aspect about his loans before going down the default road. Why does it seem that you are doing all the research for him?

There's something about this relationship that seems very codependent. Have the two of you attended any premarital sessions if not, you really should this kind of thing and children/childcare issues really need to be discussed before you decide to commit to each other.

REally they have relationship issues? You are so crazy!

This shit is going on everywhere everyday. Kids are just getting more degrees and taking on more debt and then thinking what the fuck did I do.

How the fuck am I the crazy one? What did he spend $100k on an undergrad degree in something frivolous major at some shitty school? The majority of Kids aren't trying to weasel out of repaying their loans. I can name five who are working extra jobs or in programs to pay them off or get them forgiven. They at least left college with math skills. Everyone isn't viewing default as a viable option.

Can't fathom why OP's man would even be thinking about getting married right now any way considering that he's still a Kid.

Anonymous wrote:Are you telling me he doesn't have a clue about how much he took out in federal and private loans. He would only have resorted to private loans if he (/parents) made too much to qualify for federal or he maxed out at what 48k?

OP, he really should understand every aspect about his loans before going down the default road. Why does it seem that you are doing all the research for him?

There's something about this relationship that seems very codependent. Have the two of you attended any premarital sessions if not, you really should this kind of thing and children/childcare issues really need to be discussed before you decide to commit to each other.

REally they have relationship issues? You are so crazy!

This shit is going on everywhere everyday. Kids are just getting more degrees and taking on more debt and then thinking what the fuck did I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ok so once you default they have two years to harass you. They get removed from your credit report in 10 years...so really it is just like a bankruptcy. (Education 10 years, all others 7 years). After two years they can not call you anymore. The federal loan can garnish your wages. Your credit will be ruined for 10 years. but if you default make no effort to pay it back because it will not matter. Your credit is jacked at that point. So don't get married for 10 years, make sure your credit is great, the house will just be in your name, but he will never be able to get anything.

This is not quite right. They can still sue you for the loans up to the statute of limitations, so it is not really like bankruptcy.

So, if I am understanding this correctly, "defaulting" means, you've stopped paying. They can then harass you (understandably) for two years. What does this harassing consist of- phone calls? Visits to the home (that seems extreme though)?
Then what? You're credits in the shitter, you won't be able to get any home/auto/personal loans, etc for a LONG time?

Can PP explain the suing thing? So, Sallie Mae can actually sue him if he defaults- when does this happen and is this usually what they do?

They can not harass you. They can not call your job. They can call your relatives and friends, but only once to get information for you. Sallie Mae isn't going after someone I know who defaulted on a $35K loan. In fact she is suing them for calling her job. There are very strict rules collection agencies have to follow. They can not call during obscene hours or may threats.

If Sallie Mae reports you as 30 days late or 60 days late your credit is already screwed. I mean it is not that bad, but you lose a lot of points just by being late once. If you are 30/60/90 and then get back on track that is better than a charge off...This is where Sallie Mae would charge off your account and turn it over to collections. If you ever do go into collections...I wouldn't pay squat back to them. You can settle, but they WILL NEVER take it off your credit report.

You could...This is really ass backwards, but try to consolidate or pay them on time. Apply for every credit card known to man. Then in 1 to 2 years keep asking for credit increases. Then once you were at a place where you could balance transfer all the $ over to the credit cards transfer the $, wait 6 months to a year to file bankruptcy.

All in all...if you are young...there is no reason you should not be working two jobs. I worked two jobs until I was 32, and now I am 36 and I still have side gigs here and there. I am always on the grind.

But if you go into collections and they charge off your debt...you credit will be ruined for 10 years. Or if you were to somehow get a loan they would charge you outrageous interest rates.

Are you telling me he doesn't have a clue about how much he took out in federal and private loans. He would only have resorted to private loans if he (/parents) made too much to qualify for federal or he maxed out at what 48k?

OP, he really should understand every aspect about his loans before going down the default road. Why does it seem that you are doing all the research for him?

There's something about this relationship that seems very codependent. Have the two of you attended any premarital sessions if not, you really should this kind of thing and children/childcare issues really need to be discussed before you decide to commit to each other.

Re: private vs. public loans. Some students just don't understand the benefits of government backed loans, get very poor advice from their college, and don't have a family that can guide them toward better loans-and this is particularly try for students going to sketchy colleges. I totally believe their are students out there who took out private loans when they would have qualified for government backed-just like all those people who signed off on sub prime mortgages, when they would have actually qualified for a decent mortgage.

Would you be willing to leave the country? Move to Canada or Europe?