^^^pp may want to post about the shower and tardiness problem on the McNeeds yahoo group. There are more parents with older kids there.

^curious how long this has been going on. Your son is 18?

Thanks. That was me and I meant to support 9:32. I did miss-type it. 1994.

Could we please talk more about the shower problem. This is a HUGE problem for us. DS could stay in the shower for hours if we let him. This started from the time that he began showering himself. He goes in, we hear the water running, an hour later he will still be in there. We talked to the shrink about it, therapists, looked in the high functioning Aspie books. Bought timers. I've even purchased a gadget that was supposed to limit shower time to 10 minutes and then turn off but it wasn't compatible with our shower head. I simply don't know what to do and DS is off to college next year and I'm very worried.

My husband thought the shower might feel comforting as did the "Squeezebox" for Temple Grandin.

But I would be grateful if the adult woman with Asperger's or the person with a son - both of whom touched on Asperger's and shower issues - would come back and tell us why it is that we cannot get our son out of the shower. First hand experiences? Suggestions?

Also DS cannot get ready for any event (dressed, hair washed, right hose, socks, shoes) on time. Sunday church always ends up with us yelling up the stairs because we are running late. When DS does show up, the hair is wet, the clothes are wrong, the socks are wrong, a belt is missing. This happens every single time we have to go to an event.
DS is 18. I really need help. And, no, natural consequences, punishment, positive reinforcement and bribery doesn't work on Aspies. Or at least not on mine.

Finally, we are at our wit's end about getting DS to school on time. Although DS has a tutor and has learned to pack his bag the night before, DS always runs late to the bus. Then we have to drive him to the second bus pickup. We've repeatedly pointed out that if he just moved a little faster he would make the first bus. It's only a 7 minute difference, but he cannot do it. Also we cannot get him out of bed. There are timers, bed-shakers. Flashing light gadgets. We have tried everything. And, no, we are not helicopter parents or enabling him - we simply cannot get him up and out the door. And, yes, we've tried "tough love" telling him we weren't going to do this anymore. The result is that he doesn't make it to school at all. And he's a great, sweet kid. He is not doing this on purpose. He apologizes and says he doesn't know why he can't get out of bed, can't do the morning schedule 7 min. earlier so he can get out the door to the first bus, or why he has to stay in the shower for an hour. I'm very very worried about college next year (yes, he has an IEP, has meds, and we're already in touch with the disabilities office at the college).

But can any Aspie or Aspie parent out there explain this - especially the shower issue - to us, because we just don't understand. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:This ^ correct. GO read 9:32 s/he is right on point. Asperger's wasn't even recognized before 1984. So most of the lists of Aspies NECESSARILY has to look at historical accounts and data to even venture a guess. When my son got his diagnosis I knew what it was because I worked with the severely autistic and had kept up with the evolving literature. My husband had never even heard of it.

Not this poster but correcting typo. Asperger's wasnt recognized until 1994.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Researchers at Cambridge and Oxford universities believe both scientists displayed signs of Asperger's Syndrome.

Uh, so what. Lots of people have "signs" of autism, and are not autistic. Einstein had close friends, was a ladies' man, and functioned well in society. Gates has myriad friendships growing up, and plenty of girlfriends. Jobs was a bit of a jerk....doesn't make him autistic.

It is just so aggravating to see these ideas thrown out as fact when they aren't.

Yes, "signs" b/c they are dead and you can't definitely diagnose dead people. It's speculation and no, it's not fact but a game that many people like to play obviously. If you don't like it, don't play.

Also, we are talking about Asperger's not autism. Know lots of people who "functioned well in society" who would in all likelihood qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis if they were children nowadays and not 40, 30 years ago when they were children when Asperger's was not recognized.

If you are functioning well in society, by definition then you do not have Asperger's.

I think it depends on how you define "functioning well." My uncle has Asperger's/high functioning autism. He works on the line at Boeing. He has no friends. He has no social life outside of family. If family doesn't make time to see him, he doesn't see them. It's not reciprocal at all. He has a wife because she decided he would make a good husband and put the moves on him. He lives in the same house that he has lived in for the past 47 years. The house, BTW, is the house next door to my grandparent's old house. When it was time to move, he moved next door. He's very rigid. He has poor social skills. He has an overly loud voice. He used to have lots of repetitive motions when he was a boy and young adult, but he outgrew them. He used to have fixated interests on comic books, but his wife gently weaned him away from that hobby. He was drafted and was a medic in Vietnam, btw. He's pretty smart.

I would define him as functioning well. He has a good paying job, family and a wife. He does not make the same choices in life as NT people do, though. He is definitely different.

While that's great, what happens if you subtract the wife who made the concerted effort to go after him? No kids, no family. Perhaps still living in his original home, next to parents/grandparents to help support him. That's functioning ...but not remotely at the level of a typical person with friends.

As far as I've heard not being able to function in society is not a diagnostic criteria for Asperger's - being rolled into ASD with the DSM-V. I'm the one who posted about the Norm Ledgin's book about Thomas Jefferson. I don't know why you are fixated on the fact that people who can function and function very well in society like Jefferson and Einstein cannot possibly have Asperger's.

My DS has AS. His Asperger's symptoms, the stims, obsessions, and deficits in social communication are not as severe as my DH's, brother-in-law, husband's father, my mother, and both of my brothers. Actually, compared to the adults when they were children, my DS appears NT with supports/services and an IEP. All the adults with the exception of one of my brothers all attended Ivy league colleges and have advanced degrees. The one brother went to Johns Hopkins skipping high school. They are all married and gainfully employed but I am sure if the diagnosis of Asperger's had existed when they were children, they would have been diagnosed with Asperger's.

Also, the leading researchers about Asperger's specifically Simon Baron-Cohen and Tony Attwood, do not agree with you that you have to unable to function in society to have Asperger's and by no means are they minimizing the deficits that come with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Researchers at Cambridge and Oxford universities believe both scientists displayed signs of Asperger's Syndrome.

Uh, so what. Lots of people have "signs" of autism, and are not autistic. Einstein had close friends, was a ladies' man, and functioned well in society. Gates has myriad friendships growing up, and plenty of girlfriends. Jobs was a bit of a jerk....doesn't make him autistic.

It is just so aggravating to see these ideas thrown out as fact when they aren't.

Yes, "signs" b/c they are dead and you can't definitely diagnose dead people. It's speculation and no, it's not fact but a game that many people like to play obviously. If you don't like it, don't play.

Also, we are talking about Asperger's not autism. Know lots of people who "functioned well in society" who would in all likelihood qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis if they were children nowadays and not 40, 30 years ago when they were children when Asperger's was not recognized.

If you are functioning well in society, by definition then you do not have Asperger's.

I think it depends on how you define "functioning well." My uncle has Asperger's/high functioning autism. He works on the line at Boeing. He has no friends. He has no social life outside of family. If family doesn't make time to see him, he doesn't see them. It's not reciprocal at all. He has a wife because she decided he would make a good husband and put the moves on him. He lives in the same house that he has lived in for the past 47 years. The house, BTW, is the house next door to my grandparent's old house. When it was time to move, he moved next door. He's very rigid. He has poor social skills. He has an overly loud voice. He used to have lots of repetitive motions when he was a boy and young adult, but he outgrew them. He used to have fixated interests on comic books, but his wife gently weaned him away from that hobby. He was drafted and was a medic in Vietnam, btw. He's pretty smart.

I would define him as functioning well. He has a good paying job, family and a wife. He does not make the same choices in life as NT people do, though. He is definitely different.

While that's great, what happens if you subtract the wife who made the concerted effort to go after him? No kids, no family. Perhaps still living in his original home, next to parents/grandparents to help support him. That's functioning ...but not remotely at the level of a typical person with friends.

This ^ correct. GO read 9:32 s/he is right on point. Asperger's wasn't even recognized before 1984. So most of the lists of Aspies NECESSARILY has to look at historical accounts and data to even venture a guess. When my son got his diagnosis I knew what it was because I worked with the severely autistic and had kept up with the evolving literature. My husband had never even heard of it.

Thank you everyone for the insightful comments about hygiene. DH and I talked about it last night and DH said he believed it was because of laziness. DS isn't bothered by the water and doesn't love the water either. He just doesn't like to take time out to wash his hands. I'm thinking and hoping this has to change one day...

To the person who called me an ignoramus, STFU. Sorry, but if you start name calling and getting defensive, I'll get nasty too.

You're trying to whitewash ASD and/or Aspergers to reduce it's stigma by associating it with geniuses of our time..and you know it. Your time is better spent helping people to realize that people with ASD still deserve our consideration and compassion, regardless of the stigma associated with it.

Einstein presented his first wife with the list of demands because he wanted to divorce her and wanted out of the marriage desperately. He was angry because she wouldn't let go of the marriage for quite some time. He was already in love with another woman, his cousin, who he wanted to marry.

Einstein had close friendships, some of them lasting 20 or so years also.

Since when did wikipedia become an authoritative source? Check out http://www.pbs.org/opb/einsteinswife/milevastory/married.htm

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Researchers at Cambridge and Oxford universities believe both scientists displayed signs of Asperger's Syndrome.

Uh, so what. Lots of people have "signs" of autism, and are not autistic. Einstein had close friends, was a ladies' man, and functioned well in society. Gates has myriad friendships growing up, and plenty of girlfriends. Jobs was a bit of a jerk....doesn't make him autistic.

It is just so aggravating to see these ideas thrown out as fact when they aren't.

Yes, "signs" b/c they are dead and you can't definitely diagnose dead people. It's speculation and no, it's not fact but a game that many people like to play obviously. If you don't like it, don't play.

Also, we are talking about Asperger's not autism. Know lots of people who "functioned well in society" who would in all likelihood qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis if they were children nowadays and not 40, 30 years ago when they were children when Asperger's was not recognized.

If you are functioning well in society, by definition then you do not have Asperger's.

I think it depends on how you define "functioning well." My uncle has Asperger's/high functioning autism. He works on the line at Boeing. He has no friends. He has no social life outside of family. If family doesn't make time to see him, he doesn't see them. It's not reciprocal at all. He has a wife because she decided he would make a good husband and put the moves on him. He lives in the same house that he has lived in for the past 47 years. The house, BTW, is the house next door to my grandparent's old house. When it was time to move, he moved next door. He's very rigid. He has poor social skills. He has an overly loud voice. He used to have lots of repetitive motions when he was a boy and young adult, but he outgrew them. He used to have fixated interests on comic books, but his wife gently weaned him away from that hobby. He was drafted and was a medic in Vietnam, btw. He's pretty smart.

I would define him as functioning well. He has a good paying job, family and a wife. He does not make the same choices in life as NT people do, though. He is definitely different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Researchers at Cambridge and Oxford universities believe both scientists displayed signs of Asperger's Syndrome.

Uh, so what. Lots of people have "signs" of autism, and are not autistic. Einstein had close friends, was a ladies' man, and functioned well in society. Gates has myriad friendships growing up, and plenty of girlfriends. Jobs was a bit of a jerk....doesn't make him autistic.

It is just so aggravating to see these ideas thrown out as fact when they aren't.

Yes, "signs" b/c they are dead and you can't definitely diagnose dead people. It's speculation and no, it's not fact but a game that many people like to play obviously. If you don't like it, don't play.

Also, we are talking about Asperger's not autism. Know lots of people who "functioned well in society" who would in all likelihood qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis if they were children nowadays and not 40, 30 years ago when they were children when Asperger's was not recognized.

It's May 2015. The DX of Asperger's syndrome is no longer used as of this month. It's all "Autism Spectrum Disorder."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Researchers at Cambridge and Oxford universities believe both scientists displayed signs of Asperger's Syndrome.

Uh, so what. Lots of people have "signs" of autism, and are not autistic. Einstein had close friends, was a ladies' man, and functioned well in society. Gates has myriad friendships growing up, and plenty of girlfriends. Jobs was a bit of a jerk....doesn't make him autistic.

It is just so aggravating to see these ideas thrown out as fact when they aren't.

Yes, "signs" b/c they are dead and you can't definitely diagnose dead people. It's speculation and no, it's not fact but a game that many people like to play obviously. If you don't like it, don't play.

Also, we are talking about Asperger's not autism. Know lots of people who "functioned well in society" who would in all likelihood qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis if they were children nowadays and not 40, 30 years ago when they were children when Asperger's was not recognized.

If you are functioning well in society, by definition then you do not have Asperger's.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Researchers at Cambridge and Oxford universities believe both scientists displayed signs of Asperger's Syndrome.

Uh, so what. Lots of people have "signs" of autism, and are not autistic. Einstein had close friends, was a ladies' man, and functioned well in society. Gates has myriad friendships growing up, and plenty of girlfriends. Jobs was a bit of a jerk....doesn't make him autistic.

It is just so aggravating to see these ideas thrown out as fact when they aren't.

Yes, "signs" b/c they are dead and you can't definitely diagnose dead people. It's speculation and no, it's not fact but a game that many people like to play obviously. If you don't like it, don't play.

Also, we are talking about Asperger's not autism. Know lots of people who "functioned well in society" who would in all likelihood qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis if they were children nowadays and not 40, 30 years ago when they were children when Asperger's was not recognized.