Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't in the same place as your baby/toddler from, say, 8am-6pm, it is hard to call yourself a ft parent.

So are all dads who WOH "part time parents"?? I never considered my dad to be a part time parent even though for my whole life he has worked (outside the home) full time. He'd be offended by the notion, as would my husband, as am I. Parenting is more than providing childcare.

When there are two contributing parents, usually one is focused on financial support, while the other is managing the home and family well-being. Sure, you can attemp to split the responsibilities down the middle. But as we all know, it almost never works out that way.

This is not a statement of fact.

Isn't the one who earns more $$$, the one more focused on being the "primary breadwinner"? And the other does most of everything else in the family?

Not in our family, and not in most of the families we know.

I am the OP regarding telecommuting. MY DH still takes DS to daycare and DD is in school so not an issue. It helps alot and at my firm, it is fine to do so as not as not 100 percent. It allows me to pick up my DD sooner from aftercare (or come home on bus) and get more things done than waste time commuting.

We could afford for me to be a SAHM, but one of the biggest motivators not to is the pressure one parent has the sole financial support for the family in this economy in that scenario. There are pros and cons to everything but one of the biggest stressors I hear from my male colleagues who have SAHM is that issue. Can't be good for the family dynamics. I am grateful I have the option to continue working at a job that has some flexibility (in big law) and parent (despite what some on this board think I am doing).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't in the same place as your baby/toddler from, say, 8am-6pm, it is hard to call yourself a ft parent.

So are all dads who WOH "part time parents"?? I never considered my dad to be a part time parent even though for my whole life he has worked (outside the home) full time. He'd be offended by the notion, as would my husband, as am I. Parenting is more than providing childcare.

When there are two contributing parents, usually one is focused on financial support, while the other is managing the home and family well-being. Sure, you can attemp to split the responsibilities down the middle. But as we all know, it almost never works out that way.

This is not a statement of fact.

Isn't the one who earns more $$$, the one more focused on being the "primary breadwinner"? And the other does most of everything else in the family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went in house. Hope you find the right answer for your family.

+1, and I went 80% like you. Then I left law altogether to stay home for 5 years. Now I'm in another professional field after returning to school. BTW, I have three kids, two in their teens now and one in college. It was after my second child was born that I started to find practicing law unmanageable. I left when he was about 1.5 years old.

I'd hang in for a while to see if things get better. They do for lots of lawyer moms. If you still feel like you do now in a year, you can reevaluate your options. Good luck!

I took a similar path. Worked 60% until my second was born, then left law practice. DH was then on partner track in another firm and traveled a lot. We had a great nanny, but I felt like a hampster on a wheel. I was FT SAHM for 8 years until third kid went to K. Then I went back to PT work in another field -- not law-related. My kids are also now in college and HS, and I feel very lucky that I was able to change to a career that allows more flexibility w/re to hours, scheduling and working at home. BTW, DH ended up making partner and his take is that BigLaw is very tough for associates (either male or female) with young kids and a spouse working FT.

OP, I would give it 2 years and then, if it's not working, you and your can re-evaluate. Think creatively, look at the long-term picture and make a joint decision about what you value.

Anonymous wrote:Telecommuting has helped a lot. Is that an option? Not all the time but saves a lot of commuting time.

Your house needs to be big enough so that you are not distracted by the sitter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't in the same place as your baby/toddler from, say, 8am-6pm, it is hard to call yourself a ft parent.

So are all dads who WOH "part time parents"?? I never considered my dad to be a part time parent even though for my whole life he has worked (outside the home) full time. He'd be offended by the notion, as would my husband, as am I. Parenting is more than providing childcare.

When there are two contributing parents, usually one is focused on financial support, while the other is managing the home and family well-being. Sure, you can attemp to split the responsibilities down the middle. But as we all know, it almost never works out that way.

This is not a statement of fact.

Telecommuting has helped a lot. Is that an option? Not all the time but saves a lot of commuting time.

Give it some time, if your child is not sleeping, it will skew your entire perspective. Pick a date, say in 6 months, and decide you will reevaluate at that time. If things still seem unbearable, then you can make a move. In the meantime, start to think about what you would want to do, and how you would accomplish it (or - just sleep as much as possible, that is totally fine too!). I really thought I was going to quit after returning to work, but a year later, I was so glad that I stuck with it. It really gets easier. Hang in there!!!

I'm a fed gov lawyer, and it certainly has its perks...but I have also had to give up the "fast track" because that was simply too much with a kid. And that was also REALLY hard for me...having been driven for basically my entire life. But hey, it has all been worth it!! My son is the best thing in the world

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT BALANCING LEGAL JOBS AND PARENTING? THIS THREAD IS NOT ABOUT SAHMS.

"Balance" is a myth.

We all know that no one has it all, all the time.

You do, however, get to choose your priority.

That's why OP is considering a home childcare business.

Oh, so you're trolling. Cool. Are you responding to yourself as well to keep the thread going? Because that's sort of sad.

Anonymous wrote:CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT BALANCING LEGAL JOBS AND PARENTING? THIS THREAD IS NOT ABOUT SAHMS.

"Balance" is a myth.

We all know that no one has it all, all the time.

You do, however, get to choose your priority.

That's why OP is considering a home childcare business.

CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT BALANCING LEGAL JOBS AND PARENTING? THIS THREAD IS NOT ABOUT SAHMS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn't show up to work for most of the day, you wouldn't call yourself a full time employee. If you aren't in the same place as your baby/toddler from, say, 8am-6pm, it is hard to call yourself a ft parent. You must, by the nature of it, delegate the parenting during those hours to someone else. The inflexible workplace make it so.

Mother is a noun that describes a relationship. We are all FT mothers.

You are insecure, it seems.

Parenting is a verb, and an action verb, in fact.

Parenting is not a feeling you have while you're sitting at a desk 50 hours a week. That's why someone else has to do the actual work if you don't do it.

Ooh, snap.

Why advertise for a "nanny" position when we should really be advertising for a "pat-time parent" position? Nannies aren't nannies, for crying out loud, they are part-time parents of our part-time children. Thanks for clearing that up.

Well, now that you mention it, what do you call parents who have night and weekend nannies? Don't know any? I do. They're called, even more, absentee. They have more of a grandparent/grandchild type of relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn't show up to work for most of the day, you wouldn't call yourself a full time employee. If you aren't in the same place as your baby/toddler from, say, 8am-6pm, it is hard to call yourself a ft parent. You must, by the nature of it, delegate the parenting during those hours to someone else. The inflexible workplace make it so.

Mother is a noun that describes a relationship. We are all FT mothers.

You are insecure, it seems.

Parenting is a verb, and an action verb, in fact.

Parenting is not a feeling you have while you're sitting at a desk 50 hours a week. That's why someone else has to do the actual work if you don't do it.

Ooh, snap.

Why advertise for a "nanny" position when we should really be advertising for a "pat-time parent" position? Nannies aren't nannies, for crying out loud, they are part-time parents of our part-time children. Thanks for clearing that up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't in the same place as your baby/toddler from, say, 8am-6pm, it is hard to call yourself a ft parent.

So are all dads who WOH "part time parents"?? I never considered my dad to be a part time parent even though for my whole life he has worked (outside the home) full time. He'd be offended by the notion, as would my husband, as am I. Parenting is more than providing childcare.

When there are two contributing parents, usually one is focused on financial support, while the other is managing the home and family well-being. Sure, you can attemp to split the responsibilities down the middle. But as we all know, it almost never works out that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn't show up to work for most of the day, you wouldn't call yourself a full time employee. If you aren't in the same place as your baby/toddler from, say, 8am-6pm, it is hard to call yourself a ft parent. You must, by the nature of it, delegate the parenting during those hours to someone else. The inflexible workplace make it so.

Mother is a noun that describes a relationship. We are all FT mothers.

You are insecure, it seems.

Parenting is a verb, and an action verb, in fact.

Parenting is not a feeling you have while you're sitting at a desk 50 hours a week. That's why someone else has to do the actual work if you don't do it.

Ooh, snap.