Anonymous wrote:Women - don't let these bible thumpers discourage you. If having sex with someone who is married is something you want to do, do it. Life is not about the the mistakes you don't make, it's about handling the ones you do. Then again, nothing may ever come of your sex with a married guy.

Everything has consequences - even not doing something has consequences. stop measuring them and just start living.

I am no where near a bible thumper. I do not need a god to tell me that hurting children is wrong.

Do what you want, you will anyway.

Truthfully, I have yet to STOP a friend from ruining her and her children's lives. I have only been able to help put the pieces together afterwards. I can only tell you the final product is not pretty.

Women - don't let these bible thumpers discourage you. If having sex with someone who is married is something you want to do, do it. Life is not about the the mistakes you don't make, it's about handling the ones you do. Then again, nothing may ever come of your sex with a married guy.

Everything has consequences - even not doing something has consequences. stop measuring them and just start living.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

This is a crock of BS. I did put a lot of energy and effort into my marriage. For all I know he did to. It just got to the point that no matter how much energy we put in, we were getting nothing except a roof over our heads and children to raise. No companionship, no love, and definitely no sex. And yes, if one of us was happy, the affair would not have happened. The spouses played a role even as a cheated spouse you don't want to own up to your culpability.

So if you sat in the basement and drank yourself into a coma - it would have been his fault too. You act like it was an either/or situation. There are a multitude of other ways to have addressed your issue. YOU CHOSE the most selfish way. You are selfish. Plain and simple.

Wow! NP here, and PP it is astounding to me that you presume to know enough to judge that other poster so clearly and vehemently! You are obviously very pained, and I can only hope you put as much energy and clarity into your own life and relationships. I also hope you own your own choices the way you are insisting the other poster owns hers.

I am not pained until I get the inevitable call from my female friends who have their affair partners dump them when the wife finds out. Then the AP’s wife calls the husband. Then I get the call. The crying, the feeling of emptiness, the what have I done, the husband who had no clue, the children who are freaking out, the mom who has to move into an apartment (because that is the law when you are a slut).

Wake up people! You are adults! You have responsibilities! There are other people that are affected by your selfishness.

I am sorry if your H did not fill every emotional need you have, every single crevices in your soul. Here is an idea - fill them yourself - with something other than a man. Get a job! Get a life! Do some volunteer work!

X 1,000,000

church lady is back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

This is a crock of BS. I did put a lot of energy and effort into my marriage. For all I know he did to. It just got to the point that no matter how much energy we put in, we were getting nothing except a roof over our heads and children to raise. No companionship, no love, and definitely no sex. And yes, if one of us was happy, the affair would not have happened. The spouses played a role even as a cheated spouse you don't want to own up to your culpability.

So if you sat in the basement and drank yourself into a coma - it would have been his fault too. You act like it was an either/or situation. There are a multitude of other ways to have addressed your issue. YOU CHOSE the most selfish way. You are selfish. Plain and simple.

Wow! NP here, and PP it is astounding to me that you presume to know enough to judge that other poster so clearly and vehemently! You are obviously very pained, and I can only hope you put as much energy and clarity into your own life and relationships. I also hope you own your own choices the way you are insisting the other poster owns hers.

I am not pained until I get the inevitable call from my female friends who have their affair partners dump them when the wife finds out. Then the AP’s wife calls the husband. Then I get the call. The crying, the feeling of emptiness, the what have I done, the husband who had no clue, the children who are freaking out, the mom who has to move into an apartment (because that is the law when you are a slut).

Wake up people! You are adults! You have responsibilities! There are other people that are affected by your selfishness.

I am sorry if your H did not fill every emotional need you have, every single crevices in your soul. Here is an idea - fill them yourself - with something other than a man. Get a job! Get a life! Do some volunteer work!

I do think that the cheated-on spouse is partly responsible if they have pushed their partner away and don't tend to the partner's emotional/physical needs. I saw this with my parents. One was extremely selfish (and border-line abusive in a everything-must-be-my-way type of thing or I will give you the silent treatment for god knows how long) and it didn't surprise me when the other went and had an affair and found solace, love and affection in the arms of someone who was willing to appreciate them in a way they weren't being appreciate at home by their spouse.

Look after your loved ones or you may lose them! I utterly believe in that. Just because you marry someone, they are NOT your property.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

This is a crock of BS. I did put a lot of energy and effort into my marriage. For all I know he did to. It just got to the point that no matter how much energy we put in, we were getting nothing except a roof over our heads and children to raise. No companionship, no love, and definitely no sex. And yes, if one of us was happy, the affair would not have happened. The spouses played a role even as a cheated spouse you don't want to own up to your culpability.

So if you sat in the basement and drank yourself into a coma - it would have been his fault too. You act like it was an either/or situation. There are a multitude of other ways to have addressed your issue. YOU CHOSE the most selfish way. You are selfish. Plain and simple.

Wow! NP here, and PP it is astounding to me that you presume to know enough to judge that other poster so clearly and vehemently! You are obviously very pained, and I can only hope you put as much energy and clarity into your own life and relationships. I also hope you own your own choices the way you are insisting the other poster owns hers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

This is a crock of BS. I did put a lot of energy and effort into my marriage. For all I know he did to. It just got to the point that no matter how much energy we put in, we were getting nothing except a roof over our heads and children to raise. No companionship, no love, and definitely no sex. And yes, if one of us was happy, the affair would not have happened. The spouses played a role even as a cheated spouse you don't want to own up to your culpability.

So if you sat in the basement and drank yourself into a coma - it would have been his fault too. You act like it was an either/or situation. There are a multitude of other ways to have addressed your issue. YOU CHOSE the most selfish way. You are selfish. Plain and simple.

Anonymous wrote:NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

This is a crock of BS. I did put a lot of energy and effort into my marriage. For all I know he did to. It just got to the point that no matter how much energy we put in, we were getting nothing except a roof over our heads and children to raise. No companionship, no love, and definitely no sex. And yes, if one of us was happy, the affair would not have happened. The spouses played a role even as a cheated spouse you don't want to own up to your culpability.

Anonymous wrote:I know 20:53 is just trying to goad everyone on here and I shouldn't rise to the bait, but her post is the prime example of the type of women who has an affair with a married man....and it isn't pretty.

20:53 here. I am actually a man. Are you sure you are open minded enough for a forum discussion like this?

Actually one of the women (my dw's best friend) said for years her ea saved her in a difficult year when her dh was totally blind to her emotional needs. She had told her dh about the ea from the beginning, but he didn't take it seriously. As far as I know she did not have another ea and become a very successful business women.

Absent/abusive/neglectful father seems to be a pattern for the women I know who do this.

As some one who has, in the past, been involved with a married man I will take a stab at this question. The type of woman I was, well... I was attracted to him for sure. But most of all I was reckless. Did I have poor self esteem, maybe. I justified it at the time because I never wanted him to leave her and I knew he would not leave her. I also realized that for him, we were not star crossed lovers, I was just another person in his long line of people he slept with outside his marriage. It was fun for a bit I guess, but then I realized that as a single girl ( I was not married at the time) I did not have to do the sneaking around bs. So between that and the guilt, I cut it off.
So to sum up: reckless women have affairs, and men. It's the ones with particularly deluded sense of self who talk about how 'awesome' it is. It's not.

NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

Here's my scenario.

I'm married but living a life where my DH and I are more like roommates than lovers. I run into a guy professionally. We get to know each other and we find out we have a lot in common. Same hobbies and kids. We talk about those for a while. Somewhere along the line, because we start sharing things about our lives, we start sharing personal stuff - hopes, dreams, aspirations, what ifs, and our marriage issues. Turns out, he is also more like a roommate to his wife than a lover. We are both in our marriages because of the kids but we are missing the sexual connection. We find out we are attracted to each other. We have an affair because it fills a void even if temporary. The alternative would be to divorce our spouse and see our kids part time.

You may get it. You may not because you have a great marriage. You may not because you don't see you are sexually and emotionally starving your spouse. All I know that if at least one of our marriages was satisfying, the affair would not have happened.

I know 20:53 is just trying to goad everyone on here and I shouldn't rise to the bait, but her post is the prime example of the type of women who has an affair with a married man....and it isn't pretty.