Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each night, I make one dinner and one dinner only! Anyone who doesn't like it is free to make him/herself a bowl of cereal or a sandwich. But I'm not gonna lift a finger to help them. And if they actually eat the meal I put upon their plate, they will get dessert. 90% of the time, they eat what I make.

What would you do if one kid cried, said he was hungry, but couldn't/wouldn't make himself eat what you made, and didn't like any of the other food you had? And just didn't eat? And lost weight... fell to 1%ile for his height, from 25th or so?

I.e. if you had one of the picky eaters who was "happy to starve"?

If you don't find out what's wrong and let your kid fall to the 1st percentile then you are just a terrible human.

And im all for the "make your own meal if you dont like mine" strategy

Ooof, OP. Our nearly 10 y.o. DD is fairly similar. DH catered to her and younger DS for years - short order cook at any meal he prepared for them (our schedules were not in sync at time so he covered most dinners). I argued against it (my mom wasn't French but she could have written that book) but did not want to nag as he was the one in charge of that meal. Fast forward to now and we have one kid with a very narrow palate with just two veggies on it. And it is a huge hassle as we are all now pretty much together for the evening meal. Am seriiously considering doing the one meal thing once school is out, but worry that it has gone on too long and could get toxic and ugly at the tween stage.

Former picky eater here now 37. Didn't eat a salad until my 20s. My dad is a physician and never cared if I didn't eat. His motto was no kid with food on their plate went hungry, unless they actively chose to do so. As I type this i realize it's probably little consolation. You cannot win. Even in teen years it was a major familial power struggle. I remember having the willpower to sit at the dinner table until 9pm and still not eat my food. My parents gave up -- I won.

Wasn't til i moved out of house, met DH, and started being brave enough to try things that i became an adventurous eater.

I should also note that even during this time I loved my parents dearly and talked to them about all sorts of things kids usually hide from their parents -- sex, alcohol, etc. Very healthy relationship overall, i was just an annoyingly picky eater.

We went on a cruise.

No really, we did. And it worked.

It was all inclusive, so they could order anything off the menu or try anything at the buffet.

We sort of made a game out of trying new foods, and it was low pressure and low commitment because the could always have something else if they didn't like it.

I didn't read all of the posts, but it very well could be that he will eat in a similar fashion his whole life. My boss would only eat simple foods - sandwich with turkey and bread, nothing else, would not eat rice, didn't like most veggies, etc. He said that he was always that way, and he truly never changed.

My dd's are picky eaters too, and I don't turn it into a battle. I felt like some of the food battles I had growing up gave me an unhealthy relationship with food.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "reward" for eating is not being hungry.

You aren't a short-order cook. When you stop acting like one, your son will realize he either eats what's there or is hungry. Natural consequences are what worked before people starting overthinking how to raise kids.

He won't starve. Letting him be picky will disadvantage him in the long run. I was very picky as a child and was catered to; it took years as an adult with adventurous friends and husband to get me to taste and actually like most foods.

Don't do this to yourself or him. "Here's what's for dinner -- If you're hungry, you'll eat it." <---Memorize this. Good luck.

I agree with this.

When my first child was a toddler I read the following advice and it has worked for me with two kids. First rule is to take the emotion out of meal time. You have to act like you don't care if they eat or if they don't eat. If you act like you care, then there is emotion and it can, and often does, become a control issue and/or test of wills. Second rule is to make the food choices yourself, prepare a plate with several different nutritious foods, and let kids eat what they want. If they want more of a particular food (let's say fruit), you serve it and when they are done they are done. No snacks after. Sometimes my kids eat half their lunch then want a snack an hour later but we don't permit it. We do have snack time but it is like 3 hours after we eat lunch. Kids know what their body needs and I have to say some days I'm amazed that my kids only want to eat fruit and veggies; other days they want mostly meat and carbs. But there is no game playing...we serve and they eat.

I just posted before you- completely agree! the short order cook part just killed the family dynamics.. 3 of us eat a dinner and one gets the same 2-3 items? We never forced a food but did say that this was the food.... we did do a few of the putting the food in the fridge but that was only necessary initially when DC refused dinner.

Anonymous wrote:The "reward" for eating is not being hungry.

You aren't a short-order cook. When you stop acting like one, your son will realize he either eats what's there or is hungry. Natural consequences are what worked before people starting overthinking how to raise kids.

He won't starve. Letting him be picky will disadvantage him in the long run. I was very picky as a child and was catered to; it took years as an adult with adventurous friends and husband to get me to taste and actually like most foods.

Don't do this to yourself or him. "Here's what's for dinner -- If you're hungry, you'll eat it." <---Memorize this. Good luck.

I agree with this.

When my first child was a toddler I read the following advice and it has worked for me with two kids. First rule is to take the emotion out of meal time. You have to act like you don't care if they eat or if they don't eat. If you act like you care, then there is emotion and it can, and often does, become a control issue and/or test of wills. Second rule is to make the food choices yourself, prepare a plate with several different nutritious foods, and let kids eat what they want. If they want more of a particular food (let's say fruit), you serve it and when they are done they are done. No snacks after. Sometimes my kids eat half their lunch then want a snack an hour later but we don't permit it. We do have snack time but it is like 3 hours after we eat lunch. Kids know what their body needs and I have to say some days I'm amazed that my kids only want to eat fruit and veggies; other days they want mostly meat and carbs. But there is no game playing...we serve and they eat.

Anonymous wrote:A friend has a step son who would have starved himself at 5. What stopped it? Well..

1. A trip to the doctor. Doctor told him to eat, or he would be in the hospital.
2. They stopped fighting, and stopped catering. If the kid whined at the table, he was sent away from it. No snack, no separate meal. If he came back and was willing to eat properly he could stay. When everyone else was finished the table was cleared. The words "I hate" "yuck" and "gross" were not allowed at the table.
3. It took a week or two, but he started eating better. No more whining and demanding different food. He clued in that he was missing out by getting himself sent away from the table. Not just on food, but on the discussion etc. that happened. Everyone had to be on the same page. Mom, Dad and siblings. Don't play the game, and it stops.

It's been a year. He now eats the majority of the time without an issue, and is back to a healthy weight. AND they are having happier family dinners.

I wrote earlier how I was able to turn my picky eater to a good eater (working on expanding it)- and I don't mean children's menu items! Our pediatrician said your child will not starve by missing a meal- the biggest battle was dinner. Breakfast- cereal or oatmeal (though now DC eats scrambled eggs, French toast, western omelets, quiche- bacon etc.).., lunch was also easier though now not pbj - only once a week.

Anyway- if you want to help, you need to nip this early- not later.. I grew up in Europe and had parents/society that you eat what is given. I remember eating food like liver, brussel sprouts etc (not every day) and sitting at the table alone for a while since I didn't touch the food. but I am the least pickiest eater now. I did have a period where I did not like that many veggies but I really like veggies. Basically, their is a light at the end of the tunnel but you as a parent can switch this around. I am amazed by how many adult super picky eaters are on this board! You can change things- I do not think their parents tried very hard to be honest and I do think you can convert someone into something. For example, you always describe your child as shy- they repeat that. I hear my DC say they were picky eating- and I said they were not - that they ate great. Stop labeling- can be very dangerous. GL- but it takes WORK that in the long term pays off.

Anonymous wrote:Eats more than my kid.

Someone always has it worse than YOU.

Well that was helpful.

Eats more than my kid.

Someone always has it worse than YOU.

A friend has a step son who would have starved himself at 5. What stopped it? Well..

1. A trip to the doctor. Doctor told him to eat, or he would be in the hospital.
2. They stopped fighting, and stopped catering. If the kid whined at the table, he was sent away from it. No snack, no separate meal. If he came back and was willing to eat properly he could stay. When everyone else was finished the table was cleared. The words "I hate" "yuck" and "gross" were not allowed at the table.
3. It took a week or two, but he started eating better. No more whining and demanding different food. He clued in that he was missing out by getting himself sent away from the table. Not just on food, but on the discussion etc. that happened. Everyone had to be on the same page. Mom, Dad and siblings. Don't play the game, and it stops.

It's been a year. He now eats the majority of the time without an issue, and is back to a healthy weight. AND they are having happier family dinners.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each night, I make one dinner and one dinner only! Anyone who doesn't like it is free to make him/herself a bowl of cereal or a sandwich. But I'm not gonna lift a finger to help them. And if they actually eat the meal I put upon their plate, they will get dessert. 90% of the time, they eat what I make.

What would you do if one kid cried, said he was hungry, but couldn't/wouldn't make himself eat what you made, and didn't like any of the other food you had? And just didn't eat? And lost weight... fell to 1%ile for his height, from 25th or so?

I.e. if you had one of the picky eaters who was "happy to starve"?

Don't starve a kid to make a point. Find out what he'll eat to serve as an alternative. Period.

Anonymous wrote:Each night, I make one dinner and one dinner only! Anyone who doesn't like it is free to make him/herself a bowl of cereal or a sandwich. But I'm not gonna lift a finger to help them. And if they actually eat the meal I put upon their plate, they will get dessert. 90% of the time, they eat what I make.

What would you do if one kid cried, said he was hungry, but couldn't/wouldn't make himself eat what you made, and didn't like any of the other food you had? And just didn't eat? And lost weight... fell to 1%ile for his height, from 25th or so?

I.e. if you had one of the picky eaters who was "happy to starve"?

Anonymous wrote:My little brother was insanely picky, and now he is in his mid 20s and still is. It is my opinion, and this is only my opinion, that catering to picky eating reinforces anxiety and fear of trying new things, weather it is food or something else. That making such a simple decision of whether or not to try a new food turns into a complicated over thought out chaotic event. Same as meeting new people, trying a new activity, etc. My brother stresses about food, if he comes to visit my parents still want me to make him a separate meal. It is so stupid.

Trying new food should be exciting, you never know what it will taste like, what pleasures it might bring. Take the anxiety away, it won't help anyone.

Super picky adult eater here, and I can tell you my experience is the opposite. I've done interviews on live TV, given speeches in front of hundreds of people, walked across a rope bridge spanning two cliffs with water crashing 200 feet below, moved to a new city where I knew no one, moved to a new country where I knew no one, started a sport at 22 that I had never tried before, taught myself to swim. I LOVE getting lost (intentionally) and finding my way back again, LOVE new places, LOVE meeting new people.

I have no desire to ever try another new food as along as I live. I'll do it, occasionally, to keep people happy, but I hate it. It has nothing to do with new experiences in general for me; very narrowly focused on just food aversion.

My nephew was like this with his mother. He would only eay PBJ, pizza, and spaghetti with tomato soup. He wanted to visit me for a couple of weeks one summer and I told him that he had to eat the same as my family and he agreed. At the end of two weeks he ate everything I served.

I think a lot of children just like to play their mothers. After that visit, my sister told him if he could eat at my house, he could eat at home. Today, he eays like a horse.