I think it's okay to disagree, but it is not ok to insult people. I have no way of knowing, but I believe many people feel a certain relationship with other dcum ers. I'm sure the trolls who personally attack other genuinely and deeply hurt those individuals.

Trolls seem to believe that they are commiting a victimless crime, but they are wrong. They are victimizing themselves. Victimization is not a behavior that is easily turned off and on. People who have the capacity to cause deliberate harm to anyone, have the ability to cause harm to anyone.

Sigh...trust me...I spent YEARS on Fertility Friend...I stayed on boards that were almost nauseatingly specific to my plight and yet, there were still posters who posted horrible, evil, nasty posts. And people who did bizarre things to identify people, as real people, IRL. I was stalked and threatened, trust me...I know.

I think it is the roll of the dice when you are dealing with anonymous boards.

And honestly...I'm sorry...other than (((hugs))) icons and teary faces...when something crappy happened, going to the board was just a means of dumping my feelings out in print...and THAT was the catharsis. No one could ever say anything that fixed the hurt.

LOL...I can laugh now...although it is awful...I had just suffered from finding out the child I was carrying, that I had been fortunate to conceive through IVF...had a lethal trisomy, and I was going to have to terminate the pregnancy.

I posted...hoping only for support...and then I was bombarded with comments like...

"Well at LEAST you got PREGNANT!!"

"Well...you could NOT terminate...and have the baby...at least you would have a baby for that short amount of time!"

"You are going to HELL because you terminated this pregnancy."

"Because you terminated the pregnancy you were fortunate to achieve through IVF...Likely, you will never be given that gift again."

(I shouldn't put quotes...because these really are only 'concepts' of what people said to me...but these are basically the ideas of the 'support' I received.)

Of course I had legions of on-line friends who were supportive, and with whom I have actually maintained long-term facebook friendships.

But...it's an open board...and open forum. It sucks, but you'll never be able to select/police/omit people who would do the crazy...

I'm sorry for your frustrations... (((hugs)))...see what I mean?? Pretty useless...

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line here? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. If you can't find it in yourself to be compassionate towards others and understanding of their situation that's fine, but you shouldn't then complain that people are not sufficiently sympathetic to your situation.

And I say this as someone who has spent $50,000+ on fertility treatments and will NEVER EVER have a biological child.

Thank you for this. This is the point that many of us were trying to make all along.

Bottom line here? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. If you can't find it in yourself to be compassionate towards others and understanding of their situation that's fine, but you shouldn't then complain that people are not sufficiently sympathetic to your situation.

And I say this as someone who has spent $50,000+ on fertility treatments and will NEVER EVER have a biological child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it--even the chronically infertile and childless among us are EXCEEDINGLY more fortunate then the 0.001% who get terminal colon cancer or melanoma or breast cancer in their 30's. Point being, suffering is not a competition.

Yes, but telling infertile women to suck it up because, hey, they don't have cancer isn't compassionate either.

No, of course not. But when they begin the downward spiral of a thread with their inability to show compassion for another, what do they expect? People here are going to call them on that, every single time. So they should just stop. That is what this PSA is about.

You are so right and so many of us have been so very, very wrong. If someone is raw because they have never had success and they have to move to donor, adoption or childless they should get themselves together and show compassion to others at all times. What? You are NEVER EVER going to have a child and possibly no longer have savings because of all of the things you have tried? You will never have a positive pregnancy test ever? Suck it up and be compassionate and perfect towards others at all times. After all, the pain of having to go through a successful IVF cycle is exactly the same as going through an unsuccessful one. Pain is pain right? You may never ever have a child but at least you are not being eaten alive by fire ants or being sucked to your death in quicksand. Be grateful for what you have got.

Thank you so much to you for calling me on my (and others) bullshit. Your perfection and ability to always behave perfectly and control your emotions is truly an inspiration to behold. I wish you were in charge of the world. Perhaps then you could enforce physical beatings for those of us who do not stay in line appropriately. Thank you, thank you for you PSA.

It's incredible that you spent the time and energy to write such a bitter, caustic response in an attempt to defend being nasty to women who are going through infertility. Who are you to judge whether someone else's pain is as significant as yours? So why not be compassionate and recognize the collective sorrow, pain, and suffering that almost anyone going through infertility encounters? Oh wait, you answered that with your bitter and caustic rant .... I hope for your sake you get some peace soon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it--even the chronically infertile and childless among us are EXCEEDINGLY more fortunate then the 0.001% who get terminal colon cancer or melanoma or breast cancer in their 30's. Point being, suffering is not a competition.

Yes, but telling infertile women to suck it up because, hey, they don't have cancer isn't compassionate either.

No, of course not. But when they begin the downward spiral of a thread with their inability to show compassion for another, what do they expect? People here are going to call them on that, every single time. So they should just stop. That is what this PSA is about.

You are so right and so many of us have been so very, very wrong. If someone is raw because they have never had success and they have to move to donor, adoption or childless they should get themselves together and show compassion to others at all times. What? You are NEVER EVER going to have a child and possibly no longer have savings because of all of the things you have tried? You will never have a positive pregnancy test ever? Suck it up and be compassionate and perfect towards others at all times. After all, the pain of having to go through a successful IVF cycle is exactly the same as going through an unsuccessful one. Pain is pain right? You may never ever have a child but at least you are not being eaten alive by fire ants or being sucked to your death in quicksand. Be grateful for what you have got.

Thank you so much to you for calling me on my (and others) bullshit. Your perfection and ability to always behave perfectly and control your emotions is truly an inspiration to behold. I wish you were in charge of the world. Perhaps then you could enforce physical beatings for those of us who do not stay in line appropriately. Thank you, thank you for you PSA.

I disagree. I think it is the way this board is organized. There is not this type of fighting on any other forum.

I really think people come to DCUM to be mean