Step back everyone! Some women are uncomfortable with men being around when you feel invaded--infertility is very invasive, and people manifest their vulnerabilities differently! It's not logical and doesn't have to be.

At the same time, I think it's great if a mate's presence helps a woman through the process, and has the wherewithal (time, days off work, etc.) to provide that support, great!

You can acknowledge that men make you feel more uncomfortable during a VERY uncomfortable process that has shame built in (failure, needing help, legs spread every other day), but also acknowledge that they have a valid purpose.

It's not one side or the other, how about we all acknowledge this SUCKS, the feelings that accompany it SUCK, and no way we're all going to agree on how to get through it--and no one patient or even subgroup of patients can dictate waiting room procedures.

If there is a way for your clinic to make mens' presence more comfortable (better shielding of the undressing areas at GW for example) suggest it but otherwise, this thread is really more about people venting about their vulnerability and inability to control this, and make it more dignified, than about any right or wrong about mens' involvement or clinic protocol on privacy during dildo cam exams.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how yall have sex at home!! The neighbors are all around you!!! OMG!

LOL

Anonymous wrote:dildo cams.

love that!

Anonymous wrote:My DH comes to everything. It's easier than me trying to answer a million questions afterwards. Plus, we are both on this journey together and we want to be there for each other.

Same. We had a long drive to our clinic so it was nice to chat along the way. It really made me feel, like we were doing this together even though I was having the constant blood drawls and dildo cams.

I don't know how yall have sex at home!! The neighbors are all around you!!! OMG!

Honestly, I'm more uncomfortable at spas that have co-ed lounge areas. There you are naked under a rob hanging out with men. At appointments, I'm behind a closed door when undressed.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is ridiculous...men have every right to accompany their partners to these appointments. My husband went to some when he felt I was under a lot of stress or down for support, I also went to several alone, but I would never judge someone's partner for being there. It's a long hard process that you are in together and we have no right to try to dictate how someone's relationship or support system works.

This exactly. My DH has come with me to many of my monitoring appointments when I needed an ultrasound. We honestly never thought anyone would be offended by this. We are in this together and I appreciate his support and having him there with me physically. I've had issues with ultrasounds in the past and I would not have made it through many of the appointments without him.

This thread is ridiculous...men have every right to accompany their partners to these appointments. My husband went to some when he felt I was under a lot of stress or down for support, I also went to several alone, but I would never judge someone's partner for being there. It's a long hard process that you are in together and we have no right to try to dictate how someone's relationship or support system works.

Anonymous wrote:I've been pregnant before, so i have been to OB appointments. The presence of men at an OB's office doesn't phase me at all. But when I have to go empty my bladder at the infertility clinic and there is a man sitting in a chair outside the door, clearly seeing that I am going to the bathroom, that bothers me. And I don't get then point of why he is sitting in that chair. The times my husband has come he is very mindful of that and only wants to come back when they are ready for him. He doesn't want to hang out outside of a bathroom.

This can't be the only area of your life where you've had a man see you enter a bathroom. How absolutely ridiculous.

I've been pregnant before, so i have been to OB appointments. The presence of men at an OB's office doesn't phase me at all. But when I have to go empty my bladder at the infertility clinic and there is a man sitting in a chair outside the door, clearly seeing that I am going to the bathroom, that bothers me. And I don't get then point of why he is sitting in that chair. The times my husband has come he is very mindful of that and only wants to come back when they are ready for him. He doesn't want to hang out outside of a bathroom.

My husband didn't come to the routine monitoring but he had to be there to sign papers each time we started a DE cycle. He did ask me if I wanted him to come with several times and I said no, especially if it was just a blood draw. What would be the point of that? He came for the initial appointment when we changed clinics, though that was an afternoon appt. He was also there when we were doing regular IVF for retrieval and transfer at two different clinics. At SG the schedule is different so for the IVF stuff you wouldn't see the men. I don't get what the big deal is. Men have to be there for some things (their own deposit or testing) or want to be there (ultrasound for pregnancy)

Anonymous wrote:This is not about degree of involvement. My husband is very involved too but doesn't go to my follicle checks. Doesn't mean he is any less involved than yours. Also, sounds like you did IUI instead of IVF. Much less involved than IUI. As many PPs said before, the issue is not that any of us think your husband is interested in our vagina. You are downplaying it. And I go to SG too - men are back there much longer than 5 minutes hanging out in chairs outside of exam rooms.

Then what exactly is your concern? That a male stranger knows you are getting fertility treatments?

Being there to see the follicle made my DH feel more involved. It doesn't matter whether that is the case for yours or not. I did not post a thread wondering why your DH was not there. And yes, we did iui - not everyone at SG is doing ivf.

Like I said, men will be at OB appointments as well so better get used to a closed door and curtain being enough separation.

How do you know why the men are there? My DH was at SG for the initial consultation, IUIs (3), pregnancy ultrasounds (probably 7 in total over 3 pregnancies), and a D&C. Maybe also came one time when he had to go to LabCorp that morning anyway? Ends up being a lot of occasions.

Geezus khrist, talk about hormones doing the talking...

This is not about degree of involvement. My husband is very involved too but doesn't go to my follicle checks. Doesn't mean he is any less involved than yours. Also, sounds like you did IUI instead of IVF. Much less involved than IUI. As many PPs said before, the issue is not that any of us think your husband is interested in our vagina. You are downplaying it. And I go to SG too - men are back there much longer than 5 minutes hanging out in chairs outside of exam rooms.