Anonymous wrote:Well, my apparent "special needs" child was at a party tonight with people she hadn't met before and we were complemented on her intelligence and manners, so there goes your theory about our shitty parenting.

Mine too. We have some pretty serious issues and never once has my child destroyed anything.

On the peeing in the bed issue - use pull ups or nighttime diapers/underwear and several mattress covers. We have at least 1-2 issues a day and the mattress is still like new and clean. I don't get the issue. Some of it is prevention on the parents part.

DH has damaged far more furniture than the kids.

Anonymous wrote:Well, my apparent "special needs" child was at a party tonight with people she hadn't met before and we were complemented on her intelligence and manners, so there goes your theory about our shitty parenting.

Not sure what you're talking about, but many congrats. I'm sure the compliment will complement the chat boards here nicely.

We have done it gradually, room by room. The dining room set was the first keep piece from my townhouse because I figured it made more sense to save and get what I wanted versus spending $1000 easy on an interim dining room and chairs. Once the kids were around 4 and 5, I didn't want the first room you see in the house to look like a daycare center ( I can hear Candice Olson as she would makeover the living room to be both chic and child friendly). Also, any previous furniture we had wasn't really optimized for the space. Basically, the room wasn't stylish, we had kid sh%% everywhere with no place to put it, and didn't have enough storage for our stuff and the scaling of the furniture was off. There is no way I could wait 10 more years to upgrade the room.

We are waiting before we update the basement because it gets the heaviest use from the kids. This is the one room where we will wait until the kids are older, maybe middle school, before we take out carpet and redo the flooring with a laminate, replace the couch and cheap coffee table, take down the paneling and awful built-in etc. Besides this being the room where we don't have to worry about anything other than the tv, we realize that our needs for this room change with their age. Not many toys to store nor do we need carpet in middle school.

Well, my apparent "special needs" child was at a party tonight with people she hadn't met before and we were complemented on her intelligence and manners, so there goes your theory about our shitty parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have gorgeous furniture and a 2yo. No problems here. If something spills, it is likely clear and we clean it up. My couches were OLD but cost $14k to be recovered in a nice fabric. We mostly dine in the kitchen and have white Herman Miller chairs that we sit on. We use Sferra table cloths and throw them in the wash. Really, nice stuff lasts longer and if you know how to clean well there is never a problem.

Ahhh, the delusions of the parent of a singleton 2yo who has yet to have "a problem". So, you've covered your couch in 14k worth of fabric? There isn't going to be enough ativan or xanax in your IV drip to stop your towering rage when your little angel drags permanent black sharpie marker all over your new Mitchell Gold.

If sharpies are properly put away, then its a non-issue. They can't ruin what they don't have access to.

We had a mom like you in our old neighborhood, poor little richy rich, never could have fun in mom's playhouse.

I knew that mom! She made the kids all use the back door - never the front door - and could only stay in family room where we watched dukes of hazard. She never gave us snacks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have gorgeous furniture and a 2yo. No problems here. If something spills, it is likely clear and we clean it up. My couches were OLD but cost $14k to be recovered in a nice fabric. We mostly dine in the kitchen and have white Herman Miller chairs that we sit on. We use Sferra table cloths and throw them in the wash. Really, nice stuff lasts longer and if you know how to clean well there is never a problem.

Ahhh, the delusions of the parent of a singleton 2yo who has yet to have "a problem". So, you've covered your couch in 14k worth of fabric? There isn't going to be enough ativan or xanax in your IV drip to stop your towering rage when your little angel drags permanent black sharpie marker all over your new Mitchell Gold.

If sharpies are properly put away, then its a non-issue. They can't ruin what they don't have access to.

We had a mom like you in our old neighborhood, poor little richy rich, never could have fun in mom's playhouse.

We bought a sofa on the cheaper side, and had it custom upholstered which made it look more expensive (Rowe --you choose a fabric). Looked great, kids have worn it out, now time to replace it. We got 10 years out of that cheaper sofa! We all feel relaxed and comfy. It looks fine but lately the pets have started shredding it. That pet (kitten) has a new home now, so time to shop. No sense in waiting, but neither sense in something too nice to sit on unless your house is large with guest only sitting room.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's o.k. to teach your kids that some things are off limits and that the house is not their personal playground.

Amen. Different rooms for different purposes. You don't pee in your bed, you don't eat in the living room, you don't wander naked through the kitchen.

You're missing the point, many kids pee in the bed, snack in the living room, and run laps naked around the house. As crazy as they are at home, they are awesome at their school and with others. There is not necessarily a correlation between how kids are at home and how they do at school.

Amen. Different rooms for different purposes. You don't pee in your bed, you don't eat in the living room, you don't wander naked through the kitchen.

Well, we sometimes do the last one. But only when DC is asleep or not home.

Bottom line, know your kids. There are some for whom this will never be a problem. There are some who will be, let's say, creative, no matter how well parented. This is DCUM, so we all want to think it's all about our parenting skills, but there's no denying there is also a component of innate personality and luck. There are plenty of parents who have multiple children of completely different temperaments despite a common parenting style. And even if your children are sweet, obedient non-hellions, that's not to say there won't be that one accident or incident sometime, or that their friends will always share their disposition.

Our philosophy: live your life. If you want it now and can afford it now, don't put it off and deny yourself for 20 years. That's easy for us to say; our tastes aren't super-expensive and our (only) child has a naturally reserved temperament.

If you're planning more little darlings in the future, and don't know what they'll be like, take it slow--a piece at a time, a room at a time. Your house doesn't have to be all-or-nothing, daycare or Duncan Phyfe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I asked my mom the other week if my siblings or I ever "wrecked" furniture. The answer was "no". Boundaries, manners and discipline works just fine. So does teaching kids that furniture isn't a toy.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Glad your perfect little Stepford children can do this.

Seriously - set boundaries? Discipline? Gee, why didn't I think of that?

Must be in the execution, you had better work on yours.

After hosting a couple brunches with kids included, we know exactly which families we would invite back and which ones we will not ever be inviting back (kids knifing our wood table, snacking all over the house, requesting special foods and then not touching it, messy, entitled. Oh, and now they're failing in elementary school for behavioral problems. The parents blame the school and teachers of course.).

Anonymous wrote:

It's o.k. to teach your kids that some things are off limits and that the house is not their personal playground.

Amen. Different rooms for different purposes. You don't pee in your bed, you don't eat in the living room, you don't wander naked through the kitchen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I asked my mom the other week if my siblings or I ever "wrecked" furniture. The answer was "no". Boundaries, manners and discipline works just fine. So does teaching kids that furniture isn't a toy.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Glad your perfect little Stepford children can do this.

Seriously - set boundaries? Discipline? Gee, why didn't I think of that?

Not the PP you were responding to. But to put it gently, parents like you are actually the problem. I certainly don't have "perfect little Stepford children". What I do have is five children who know how to behave inside a home, ours or someone else's. I never moved a thing. We had/still have nice furniture. Our home never looked like a daycare center with toys in every room and knick knacks out of site. We taught our kids what they could and could not touch. The result? When we went to visit grandparents or friends without kids, I didn't have to worry about them breaking anything. They knew better.

Not to suggest we haven't had a few accidents through the years. But they certainly knew better than to jump on furniture or beds, write on walls, touch things that they weren't supposed to touch, and destroy the house. Unless you have a special needs child, you have a big problem if your kid is trying to write on the wall after about 2.

It's o.k. to teach your kids that some things are off limits and that the house is not their personal playground.

It depends.

If you have a large house, you can certainly start accumulating "nice" things in a formal living room, or master bedroom or guest room, or other places where they kids don't go often or you can successfully enforce limits in.

I (I'm a designer) specify lots of Room & Board/C&B/easy-care type stuff for clients in their well-used living spaces, but I calculate the fabric selections pretty carefully based on their lifestyle/number of pets/other places they can play (do the have a basement?)/etc... I've had no issues with "nicer" sofas if they're upholstered with the right materials. In fact, a sturdier frame is an asset.

I would basically never tell someone to get an expensive rug, delicate lamps/end tables, or silks in rooms where children frequent. But microfibers/most leathers, and "nice" distressed woods tend to fare just fine. The key is to choose items that can take abuse, and for hard surfaces you want them to be able to develop a "scratch patina" without ruining the look.