Most of the "popular" kids did pretty well in life, at least that is what it appeard like at the reunion.

I too believe that social skills will carry you the farthest in life.

I was a smart kid in high school--went to a college prep school, took tons of APs, honors student every semester, National Merit Finalist, etc. and went to a top college but never lived up to my intellectual potential. I have a good career now, but it's in a non-competitive field, not intellectual at all, and I only make $40,000 per year. How did this happen? Well, I had a life changing health problem as a senior in high school that changed me from a type A, studying my butt off and excelling academically to a totally type B, laid back, stop and smell the roses type of person. That led me to take a different career path with better quality of life than the path I had expected to take (medical school).

Overall, I am somewhat satisfied with my career but regret often than I did not live up to my intellectual and career potential. I feel that I let my parents down and myself down. I'm now almost 20 year out of high school but would never attend any high school reunions because I feel that I failed career-wise compared to my classmates who are now doctors, PhDs, etc.

I was a music nerd (dork-estra). Had a lot of friends between school, religious school and music activities. Middle school was very hard for me because that was when popularity was valued far beyond brains, but by high school most people respected intelligence (and those that didn't at least tried to show respect by asking to copy my work - ha!). I was a good girl, save for a few select nights getting wasted with friends. Did everything that was "expected" of me - moved out of home town, Ivy League, master's, marriage, 2 kids, dog, good job. Very happy and still a serious dork Most of the "in crowd" from my school are still in or around our home town, with varying degrees of success. I'd say the most important thing for your daughter is to find her some activities where she can expand her social circle with friends that share her interests. Look outside her immediate school group.

I was not part of any crowd in high school, but instead kind of moved between some of them. I generally avoided the band/stage crew/goth crowd though, but was friend with the popular kids, the nerdy kids, the smart kids, the really religious kids, and the kids who liked to drink and smoke (not drugs though, I generally avoided the druggie crowd).

I find I am still kind of like that now today. Kind of a loner/independent, but not a social outcast either.

I am happily married, with kids, and a career I enjoy, but I do think my personality type has hindered my mobility at work to some extent (I don't play "the game" at all).

I was a popular pom pom girl with lots of friends and good grades. I was always able to get good grades without really trying, but remember being very focused on my social life. Had a much older boyfriend. Married a big nerd in my late 20s, and we have a great life on the outside. I am not in love with him, though, bc he is emotionally abusive, and am waiting for the right time for divorce. We have two small kids that are the light of my life, (and his) and I have a great career, at which I am part-time. I have a master's degree, and have traveled extensively. I have a lot of very dear friends, and hope to teach my kids that they don't have to be married to be happy.

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. With the internet and sharing of ideas, helicopter parenting and child-centric rearing, the popular, athletic, attractive people are also becoming very successful adults. Used to be the outcasts focused and got ahead. Now everyone's aware of the game to get and stay ahead.

?

I love these outrageous generalizations.

Generation Unfounded "Facts"

I dunno. With the internet and sharing of ideas, helicopter parenting and child-centric rearing, the popular, athletic, attractive people are also becoming very successful adults. Used to be the outcasts focused and got ahead. Now everyone's aware of the game to get and stay ahead.

Most of whom I see on FB and the reunions are pretty much the same. The ones who were trying to be snobby are still.....trying.....but it is more frustration with their own life that holds them back, without them even realizing it.

The happy, successful ones are the ones that didn't care what others thought then, or now; but still treat people the way that they themselves would want to ultimately be treated.

Honestly, I don't think of them as their "roles" in H.S., as it is all over the map. The ones you might not expect to be successful fooled us all, and vice versa.

Anonymous wrote:The nerds I knew in high school are for the most part stll nerds. Many are quite smart but their lack of social skills holds them back. The popular kids are doing well both financially and socially.

Let me guess: you were one of the in-crowd.

The nerds I knew in high school are for the most part stll nerds. Many are quite smart but their lack of social skills holds them back. The popular kids are doing well both financially and socially.

I was such a good girl, nerdy, quiet but with a few similar dorky girl friends. No boyfriends ever. Hooked up with one boy senior year - just kissing. Nothing major.

Turned out I was pretty and cool under that geeky teenaged exterior. Now I am an attractive, popular mom with a good career and a zillion friends. PLus I really love my kids and husband. I am pretty happy. And I still stay in touch with my geeky HS friends.

Hear, hear 16:37. I'm with you!

To all Tartans: I'm the reason why AHC implemented a cap on absences. I missed 40+ days of school my senior year, yet still graduated with excellent grades from HS, phi beta kappa from college, and with honors from law school. I was what you might call a type A slacker. I'm a public interest lawyer with a great husband, four awesome kids, and a nice house in a good school district, so I guess you could say my life turned out fine (despite my slacker tendencies).

If you are reasonably intelligent, you can "fake" being social even if it does not come naturally or easily. And just because someone was a "nerd" in high school does not mean you will be a nerd for the rest of your life (unless you want to be - nothing wrong with that). Like another pp said, high school is only a blip of four years in your life.

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, it's people who develop good social skills that do well in life (controlling for intelligence). So while it's good to be smart, it's much better to be smart and social. That said, your daughter doesn't have to figure this out in HS. I'd encourage her to find some group that she can practice her social skills on (community service, music, part-time job, etc). The more she practices with a wide variety of people the better she will get at it. It's something I wish I had focused more on in HS myself (I was the recluse).

Word up.