This happened to me but at a restaurant and not at christmas. It was me, some friends, and friends clients and their children. I've never met them before. All sitting there and the friends clients say let's pray and all hold hands the wife takes my hand. I was offended that she just thought I would pray with them. I took her hand and placed it into the person next to me hand. Saying I appreciate their religious beliefs but I would appreciate some in return. I think it shocked them that not everyone prays before a meal? But they prayed and it ended up just them praying as a family. The rest of us at the table waited quietly.

If they had not been so presumptuous with it, I would have not felt so awkward. But it worked out in the end and I'm glad I spoke up for myself.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. The hand-holding would have bugged me. I have no objection to people praying publicly, but I am an atheist and I do not wish to participate.

+1.

I get why you're annoyed OP. I'd let it go.

Fundamentally we should all say a word of thanks before eating a meal. If not to God...just send a thanks out to the universe for the food, and all the hands that put it there.

Incredibly rude. If it was at their house, you would have to deal with it, but it was not his place to do that at your house.

Anonymous wrote:So overreacting!! The anti-religion folks are can certainly come off as offensive as they claim the overly-religious folks are in situations like this. It's OK to express thankfulness.

No one has objected to the idea of saying grace. In fact, the basically unanimous opinion has been that this was fine. It was the FIL barging in to do it over his son at his son's house that people are saying was inappropriate. Nothing anti-religious was said on this thread.

We are a Jewish family and our best friends are Catholic. We do not say grace before meals but they do in their own house. When we are there they say their grace and we sit quietly at the table. We would never ask someone not to say their prayer but we also would not participate. If in a situation like OP's, we would sit quietly but politely decline to hold hands and bow our heads. Tolerance and appreciation goes both ways.

So overreacting!! The anti-religion folks are can certainly come off as offensive as they claim the overly-religious folks are in situations like this. It's OK to express thankfulness.

Something to think about - My children probobly wouldn't have started eating before someone said the blessing. We say grace before every supper. Every single night for their entire lives, they've closed their eyes, bowed their heads, and said the blessing. For some of us, saying grace is as automatic as putting our napkins in our laps. It's not a matter of being showy. I think the vast majority of people stop and say grace before eating. In other words, it would never occur to us NOT to wait for the blessing. When people of other faiths are joining us, we'll say a more generic blessing. But we always say something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How sad. If you are offended then don't pray. Excuse yourself or stand there quietly. Someone saying grace has nothing to do with you or converting you to anything. If you pray before meals then you pray before meals. That doesn't change just because someone might get upset.

So walk away, step back, or just stand there looking dumb if it happens again. No one will care because it is not about you.

I usually feel that people who have to make a big show out of saying grace, are usually doing it for the show.

LOOK AT ME!!!! I'M CHRISTIAN!!! I AM SAYING GRACE!!!!

They are also the people who post on Facebook around this time. ATTENTION!!! I AM AT A SOUP KITCHEN!!!!!

Very rare do people say grace at every meal, those who do - do it quiet and don't need to make a big show. It's not about me, it's about them. It's about their day to day belief which isn't a December 25th thing. It's a yearly 3 meals a day thing.

Once again saying grace has nothing to do with what you think of it. If I say grace quietly its because I am by myself. If I am with my family, then it will be aloud because I am not sending the message that its ok to say it as a family at home, but in public we should be afraid.

But if I am by myself or in mixed company I am still going to say grace. Even if its a business meeting. But I will do it quietly because I don't join hands in prayer when I don't know who the other person is praying to. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else. I pray before every meal.

At big family meals, that is what we do as well. If my son married someone who took offense, then I would give her the same advice- excuse yourself, step back, or stand there looking stupid.

You have to have the opportunity to flaunt your religion and pray publicly or else you're being persecuted. This is why we need prayer back in public schools!!

I don't really understand the arrogance of some of you. You really think that people are sitting around thinking about how you feel and if you will notice them saying grace or not. That's very arrogant because for the last time, its not about you.

If I say grace at home, I am saying it in public. The word you are looking for is consistent not flaunting.

Case in point

I'm not very religious and I'm not bothered by people saying grace. I actually feel more uncomfortable if they say it quietly b/c I don't really know what I should do. I prefer if I'm included in it - that they're offering the blessing for all of us - even if it's not my thing. I get why you're bothered by FIL upstaging your DH, but let it slide. File this under things not worth fighting about. Now that it happened, plan ways to avoid it in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

No reasonable person participating in a holiday/family celebration for another person's religion would be offended by a prayer before dinner. It is part of agreeing to be present at the meal itself.

Exactly this.

My parents always say grace before they eat when they stay with me even though I"m not a religious person. I totally disagree with the above. FIL was disrespectful because it was a formal dinner with guest, and he didn't ask permission first. The only person who would say the above is the religious person who believes that all those with different beliefs must tolerate their public displays of religion.

If you would have bothered to read the whole post that this is excerpted from, you would see that the poster agrees with you about the FIL. However, the OP doesn't need to worry about her friends being upset IN GENERAL about prayers before dinner at a religious celebration they agreed to come to.

I don't believe it is appropriate to assume that you can engage other people in your own prayer.
If you want to pray, go ahead. Don't expect me to participate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How sad. If you are offended then don't pray. Excuse yourself or stand there quietly. Someone saying grace has nothing to do with you or converting you to anything. If you pray before meals then you pray before meals. That doesn't change just because someone might get upset.

So walk away, step back, or just stand there looking dumb if it happens again. No one will care because it is not about you.

I usually feel that people who have to make a big show out of saying grace, are usually doing it for the show.

LOOK AT ME!!!! I'M CHRISTIAN!!! I AM SAYING GRACE!!!!

They are also the people who post on Facebook around this time. ATTENTION!!! I AM AT A SOUP KITCHEN!!!!!

Very rare do people say grace at every meal, those who do - do it quiet and don't need to make a big show. It's not about me, it's about them. It's about their day to day belief which isn't a December 25th thing. It's a yearly 3 meals a day thing.

Once again saying grace has nothing to do with what you think of it. If I say grace quietly its because I am by myself. If I am with my family, then it will be aloud because I am not sending the message that its ok to say it as a family at home, but in public we should be afraid.

But if I am by myself or in mixed company I am still going to say grace. Even if its a business meeting. But I will do it quietly because I don't join hands in prayer when I don't know who the other person is praying to. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else. I pray before every meal.

At big family meals, that is what we do as well. If my son married someone who took offense, then I would give her the same advice- excuse yourself, step back, or stand there looking stupid.

You have to have the opportunity to flaunt your religion and pray publicly or else you're being persecuted. This is why we need prayer back in public schools!!

I don't really understand the arrogance of some of you. You really think that people are sitting around thinking about how you feel and if you will notice them saying grace or not. That's very arrogant because for the last time, its not about you.

If I say grace at home, I am saying it in public. The word you are looking for is consistent not flaunting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How sad. If you are offended then don't pray. Excuse yourself or stand there quietly. Someone saying grace has nothing to do with you or converting you to anything. If you pray before meals then you pray before meals. That doesn't change just because someone might get upset.

So walk away, step back, or just stand there looking dumb if it happens again. No one will care because it is not about you.

I usually feel that people who have to make a big show out of saying grace, are usually doing it for the show.

LOOK AT ME!!!! I'M CHRISTIAN!!! I AM SAYING GRACE!!!!

They are also the people who post on Facebook around this time. ATTENTION!!! I AM AT A SOUP KITCHEN!!!!!

Very rare do people say grace at every meal, those who do - do it quiet and don't need to make a big show. It's not about me, it's about them. It's about their day to day belief which isn't a December 25th thing. It's a yearly 3 meals a day thing.

Once again saying grace has nothing to do with what you think of it. If I say grace quietly its because I am by myself. If I am with my family, then it will be aloud because I am not sending the message that its ok to say it as a family at home, but in public we should be afraid.

But if I am by myself or in mixed company I am still going to say grace. Even if its a business meeting. But I will do it quietly because I don't join hands in prayer when I don't know who the other person is praying to. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else. I pray before every meal.

At big family meals, that is what we do as well. If my son married someone who took offense, then I would give her the same advice- excuse yourself, step back, or stand there looking stupid.

You have to have the opportunity to flaunt your religion and pray publicly or else you're being persecuted. This is why we need prayer back in public schools!!

I'm Jewish and when I get invited to a Christmas dinner, I am mentally prepared for a lot of Jesus talk. If there was extra Jesus talk from a host's parent, I would just assume that like me, my friends have Crazy Parents and we'll all laugh about it later. No big deal.