Anonymous wrote:
OP here. We have a 4yo and a 4 mo. Before #2 came along, #1 was mommy this mommy that, I want mommy. Pretty typical I guess. Naturally, mommy had the bulk of the child care activities. Since #2 came along, I've taken over the care of #1 (yes, it's wayyyy easier than a newborn, i know). #2 also seems to be consoled by mommy only so guess who gets all the carrying duties? Mommy of course. I get that she's tired. I don't really know what else to do.

At 4mos out from childbirth, I was just coming off a period of crying in my PJs with leaking breasts, wacky hormones, and roughed-up lady parts. Hell, my son didn't even latch and BF until he was 2 mos old, and he woke every hour or two all night long for months. OP, you need a reality check. I'm sorry, but this is life with little kids. Not many couples are getting it on 5x a week during this time period.
Actually, I would be happy with 1-2 times a week. Even I know 5 times a week is impossible (for us anyway)

Jesus, OP, I was prepared to be somewhat sympathetic, but you've revealed yourself to be either utterly clueless or a true asshole. At four months out, many women find sex very painful. Can I repeat that - PAINFUL. As in rips and episiomotomies and healing of scars. Most couples I know, even the most HD, were not having any sex for the first 2 months, and then fairly limited sex until 4 or even 6 mos depending on DW's physical condition. I can't believe your response to this "reality check" is to say you'd be OK with 2 times a week. I realize you are no doubt reacting to perhaps a sexless spell before DC #2 came along, but, Jesus, listen to yourself... Seriously, you are part of the problem here.

She could do other things (even mechanized things) to keep him happy. It shouldn't be such a chore and would show she is interested in his very basic needs, which really doesn't have to be all that complex or take all that much time.

Well, yes, she could. But one, everything OP has written has indicated that he is talking about sex as in sexual intercourse. Two, if we are talking about different types of sexual activity, why are his sexual needs the only sexual needs in the equation. Oral sex is probably one of the few things that might feel good for DW at the moment. So why not start with that, DH, to get things moving for both of you. DW may feel much more inclined if sex is about mutual pleasure instead of just servicing your needs 5 times, wait - whew, only 2 times a week. And finally, DH has basically admitted that DW is doing all the care for DC2 at the moment which means that if DC#2 is not a wonder baby, DW is basically getting NO sleep (or at best, not until very recently). So yes even the smallest "mechanized thing" will be a chore if you are running on 4-6 hours of likely highly interrupted sleep. How could it not be?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What needs are you not meeting for your DW?

Well, if she would tell me, I could fix it right? The difference is I have told her many times about my desires so it's not like she doesn't know.

Have you had an affair? HD wife here, and that's been my solution. I am very, very discreet.

Well, no affair here.

I assume your affair was a physical one right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "do more shit to make her life easier" solution can probably work sometimes. But the only thing it guarantees is making her life easier. Frequently that just means she'll fill up more time by doing things other than having sex with you.

If the problem is that she's LD and not that she's simply gassed every moment of every day, being nurturing, caring, available, and dependable isn't going to make her all tingly for you.

Read a few romance novels and try to be more like the heroes in those books -- wealthy and ripped seems to be a good start.

DOH! 0 for 2

Seriously though, try to work out and see if you have options to increase the income. It probably will make you more attractive to your wife and, if not, you're still healthier, better looking, and wealthier. So, win-win.

You know what's sick about this? 3 years ago, I started to work out to lose some weight so I could be "better" in bed. All for nought, sex frequency didn't change. She was still satisfied in bed (with or without the weight loss)

Sexless Wife again. That is exactly my point. I have long returned to my pre-preg weight and measurements but it makes no difference in DH's drive.

Anonymous wrote:"OP - Be sure to tell her soon. Happy Holidays!"

LMAO

"OP, you need a reality check. I'm sorry, but this is life with little kids. Not many couples are getting it on 5x a week during this time period."

We have a winner!

OP, I think counseling just for you would be a good idea, because you seem sucked into being angry and resentful, rather than confident in being able to express your feelings in a way that is going to create a stronger bond between you and your DW. "I miss the closeness we have when we have sex, and I'm frustrated we don't have that now even though I know this isn't a prime time for you sexually" is going to go a lot farther than "I wouldn't have married you if I thought we'd have such little sex after our kids were born."

Ok ok! I admit it. I posted that title so catch your attention. I wouldn't really say that to DW obviously. Do I think that way in my mind sometimes? Yes! Am I going to say it to her face? No!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What needs are you not meeting for your DW?

Well, if she would tell me, I could fix it right? The difference is I have told her many times about my desires so it's not like she doesn't know.

Have you had an affair? HD wife here, and that's been my solution. I am very, very discreet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "do more shit to make her life easier" solution can probably work sometimes. But the only thing it guarantees is making her life easier. Frequently that just means she'll fill up more time by doing things other than having sex with you.

If the problem is that she's LD and not that she's simply gassed every moment of every day, being nurturing, caring, available, and dependable isn't going to make her all tingly for you.

Read a few romance novels and try to be more like the heroes in those books -- wealthy and ripped seems to be a good start.

DOH! 0 for 2

Seriously though, try to work out and see if you have options to increase the income. It probably will make you more attractive to your wife and, if not, you're still healthier, better looking, and wealthier. So, win-win.

You know what's sick about this? 3 years ago, I started to work out to lose some weight so I could be "better" in bed. All for nought, sex frequency didn't change. She was still satisfied in bed (with or without the weight loss)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, he sounds like he has needs that aren't being met. That doesn't make him an ass, it makes him human. OP, sit down and talk to your wife. Have open, non-hostile conversations about how both of you can come together to better meet family and maritial needs.

The subtext of his post is that he only got married for sex. That is pretty ass-y, IMO.

That's just not true. I married for love and companionship and to have kids with my husband. I didn't realize that our different sex drives, openness to variety, differing inhibitions, etc. would really wear on the marriage in the long run. It's more complicated than you LD spouses make it out to be.

Anonymous wrote:Yet another sexless marriage here. Once a month (maybe twice) is not enough. Plus DW hardly every initiates. To all you HD (high desire) spouses out there, if you had know your spouse would be LD (low desire), would you have gotten married? I feel trapped now with 2 young kids. I love them and all but the lack of sex sucks big time. It's probably not enough of a reason to get divorced BUT it would have been so much better if I had choosen a mate that was HD instead of LD.

Is it acceptable to say somethign like that to a spouse? ----> "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

I have said it to my husband. Makes him defensive and sad; rationalizes why he's not really a LD spouse. I had an affair anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. We have a 4yo and a 4 mo. Before #2 came along, #1 was mommy this mommy that, I want mommy. Pretty typical I guess. Naturally, mommy had the bulk of the child care activities. Since #2 came along, I've taken over the care of #1 (yes, it's wayyyy easier than a newborn, i know). #2 also seems to be consoled by mommy only so guess who gets all the carrying duties? Mommy of course. I get that she's tired. I don't really know what else to do.

At 4mos out from childbirth, I was just coming off a period of crying in my PJs with leaking breasts, wacky hormones, and roughed-up lady parts. Hell, my son didn't even latch and BF until he was 2 mos old, and he woke every hour or two all night long for months.

OP, you need a reality check. I'm sorry, but this is life with little kids. Not many couples are getting it on 5x a week during this time period.

Actually, I would be happy with 1-2 times a week. Even I know 5 times a week is impossible (for us anyway)

Jesus, OP, I was prepared to be somewhat sympathetic, but you've revealed yourself to be either utterly clueless or a true asshole. At four months out, many women find sex very painful. Can I repeat that - PAINFUL. As in rips and episiomotomies and healing of scars. Most couples I know, even the most HD, were not having any sex for the first 2 months, and then fairly limited sex until 4 or even 6 mos depending on DW's physical condition. I can't believe your response to this "reality check" is to say you'd be OK with 2 times a week. I realize you are no doubt reacting to perhaps a sexless spell before DC #2 came along, but, Jesus, listen to yourself... Seriously, you are part of the problem here.

Come on now. I wouldn't have sex if she was in PAIN!!!! Sheesh. We've had sex twice since #2 arrived. Both times were painless!

OP, is your wife breastfeeding? Breastfeeding can really suppress feelings of wanting to have sex. I only started to want to become intimate with my husband again a year after I gave birth, because I started to wean my child and my hormones started to get back to normal. This is how it has been for me after each of my children were born.

"OP - Be sure to tell her soon. Happy Holidays!"

LMAO

"OP, you need a reality check. I'm sorry, but this is life with little kids. Not many couples are getting it on 5x a week during this time period."

We have a winner!

OP, I think counseling just for you would be a good idea, because you seem sucked into being angry and resentful, rather than confident in being able to express your feelings in a way that is going to create a stronger bond between you and your DW. "I miss the closeness we have when we have sex, and I'm frustrated we don't have that now even though I know this isn't a prime time for you sexually" is going to go a lot farther than "I wouldn't have married you if I thought we'd have such little sex after our kids were born."

Great advice, if DH is not LD, but if she is...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. We have a 4yo and a 4 mo. Before #2 came along, #1 was mommy this mommy that, I want mommy. Pretty typical I guess. Naturally, mommy had the bulk of the child care activities. Since #2 came along, I've taken over the care of #1 (yes, it's wayyyy easier than a newborn, i know). #2 also seems to be consoled by mommy only so guess who gets all the carrying duties? Mommy of course. I get that she's tired. I don't really know what else to do.

At 4mos out from childbirth, I was just coming off a period of crying in my PJs with leaking breasts, wacky hormones, and roughed-up lady parts. Hell, my son didn't even latch and BF until he was 2 mos old, and he woke every hour or two all night long for months.

OP, you need a reality check. I'm sorry, but this is life with little kids. Not many couples are getting it on 5x a week during this time period.

Actually, I would be happy with 1-2 times a week. Even I know 5 times a week is impossible (for us anyway)

Jesus, OP, I was prepared to be somewhat sympathetic, but you've revealed yourself to be either utterly clueless or a true asshole. At four months out, many women find sex very painful. Can I repeat that - PAINFUL. As in rips and episiomotomies and healing of scars. Most couples I know, even the most HD, were not having any sex for the first 2 months, and then fairly limited sex until 4 or even 6 mos depending on DW's physical condition. I can't believe your response to this "reality check" is to say you'd be OK with 2 times a week. I realize you are no doubt reacting to perhaps a sexless spell before DC #2 came along, but, Jesus, listen to yourself... Seriously, you are part of the problem here.

She could do other things (even mechanized things) to keep him happy. It shouldn't be such a chore and would show she is interested in his very basic needs, which really doesn't have to be all that complex or take all that much time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "do more shit to make her life easier" solution can probably work sometimes. But the only thing it guarantees is making her life easier. Frequently that just means she'll fill up more time by doing things other than having sex with you.

If the problem is that she's LD and not that she's simply gassed every moment of every day, being nurturing, caring, available, and dependable isn't going to make her all tingly for you.

Read a few romance novels and try to be more like the heroes in those books -- wealthy and ripped seems to be a good start.

DOH! 0 for 2

Seriously though, try to work out and see if you have options to increase the income. It probably will make you more attractive to your wife and, if not, you're still healthier, better looking, and wealthier. So, win-win.

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. We have a 4yo and a 4 mo. Before #2 came along, #1 was mommy this mommy that, I want mommy. Pretty typical I guess. Naturally, mommy had the bulk of the child care activities. Since #2 came along, I've taken over the care of #1 (yes, it's wayyyy easier than a newborn, i know). #2 also seems to be consoled by mommy only so guess who gets all the carrying duties? Mommy of course. I get that she's tired. I don't really know what else to do.

At 4mos out from childbirth, I was just coming off a period of crying in my PJs with leaking breasts, wacky hormones, and roughed-up lady parts. Hell, my son didn't even latch and BF until he was 2 mos old, and he woke every hour or two all night long for months.

OP, you need a reality check. I'm sorry, but this is life with little kids. Not many couples are getting it on 5x a week during this time period.

Actually, I would be happy with 1-2 times a week. Even I know 5 times a week is impossible (for us anyway)

Jesus, OP, I was prepared to be somewhat sympathetic, but you've revealed yourself to be either utterly clueless or a true asshole. At four months out, many women find sex very painful. Can I repeat that - PAINFUL. As in rips and episiomotomies and healing of scars. Most couples I know, even the most HD, were not having any sex for the first 2 months, and then fairly limited sex until 4 or even 6 mos depending on DW's physical condition. I can't believe your response to this "reality check" is to say you'd be OK with 2 times a week. I realize you are no doubt reacting to perhaps a sexless spell before DC #2 came along, but, Jesus, listen to yourself... Seriously, you are part of the problem here.