For this H, I would say 6 at best. We have 2 girls, and have been married for over 12 years. Other than meals, she simply can't take charge of anything. I get involved in everything, whether simply doing it or spending time answering her silly questions. I am not sure how she ever lived on her own. I tend to make quick decisions on small matters. No point wasting time on them. She can't make any decisions. When I am not around, the girls stay up too late or are late for school/swimming/etc, or do not get their homework done. She is basically a terrific person, but the day-to-day stuff is tiresome. She rightfully wants more attention, but I am too tired by that point and must focus on my stuff. On the worst days, I question her basic competence. I do know that that is harsh. But I am tired.

I'm gonna go with a 6. There are financial issues, sex problems, lack of assertiveness on DH's part. On my part, I can be uptight and controlling at times. I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder and am trying to work through it in order to improve our marriage.

I was actually going to give our marriage a lower rating, but after reading some of the posts on here (that sound truly miserable) I reconsidered. DH has flaws but is kind, intelligent, considerate and a romantic at heart. I just wish he was more assertive and self-confident.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say a 2. Been together 20 years, married 16.

I'm in perimenopause, and the things that have chronically bugged me about DH (lack of physical affection/sex; laziness; messiness) really bother me these day. We end up in a huge fight, not speaking to each other for days, about twice a month after i can't take it any more and blow up at him.

Interesting. Sounds like us. How old are you?

OMG, this is us too. I'm so relieved to hear I'm not the only one. I'm not sure I'm in perimenopause, though since I've always had inconsistent periods (and no real other signs of it) except that I'm raging all the time. and like you, blow up about twice a month.

+1, but I'll be generous and give a 3-7 depending on the time of the month. It also went up since DH does all the laundry nowadays and today it is a 7...b/c I am on my period

3

1.

We are headed toward divorce next year, been married 16 years. He is an abusive, anxiety-ridden priss. Back when he was less abusive, he could still be a prick with regularity and, wounded as I was, I stopped wanting to have sex with him at all.

I'd give him a '0' but I think that's not allowed (?) and, in fairness, he is kind to our child about 30% of the time so '0' isn't totally accurate.

I wish he'd move to Albania.

Anonymous wrote:17:15, how old are you two?

I am 37 and my husband is 40. This is my first marriage, his second. He has children from his previous marriage and we don't have any together.

9, married 22 years. Our kids are in high school, and DH and I have more time for each other now. We get along better than we did in our early years of marriage.

17:15, how old are you two?

@ 17:11

I understand completely. It does feel like a parenting relationship. I have to remind him to pay his bills. I have to make his doctors appointments and damn near force him to go. Its crazy. I refuse to have any children with him because I feel like 100% if the responsibility will fall on me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now, I would say I am at about a 3 and my husband would say the same. We have been together for 7 years, married only 3.

My issues with him are his lack of motivation, lack of emotion, lack of cleanliness...he just lacks a LOT. I feel like I have to be in control of the relationship all the time. I make a lot more money than he does so my financial responsibility is greater and I don't take issue with that but he has a problem with it. I guess he expects me to quit my good paying job so that I can make him feel better about himself.

He always complains about our sex life but it is difficult for me to be intimate with someone who makes my life harder to live.

This.

I am the person who posted this. Since you seem to be going through the same thing, how do you deal with it? Do you see it getting better or are you almost at your wit's end? I am trying to decide now if it is worth even trying to go to counseling.

I'm the person who posted a 1, but a lot of my underlying irritations are similar. He makes no money, spends what he does, claims he doesn't want to live with my money anxiety and takes no responsibility for causing it by not bringing in any and blowing what he does have. So. frustrating.

It's not even like a relationship, it's like I'm parenting a middle aged overweight child.

I don't see it getting better, the other person may be different.

Me 9. Dh somewhere between 8-10my I'd guess. 2 years and have a 2 week old

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now, I would say I am at about a 3 and my husband would say the same. We have been together for 7 years, married only 3.

My issues with him are his lack of motivation, lack of emotion, lack of cleanliness...he just lacks a LOT. I feel like I have to be in control of the relationship all the time. I make a lot more money than he does so my financial responsibility is greater and I don't take issue with that but he has a problem with it. I guess he expects me to quit my good paying job so that I can make him feel better about himself.

He always complains about our sex life but it is difficult for me to be intimate with someone who makes my life harder to live.

This.

I am the person who posted this. Since you seem to be going through the same thing, how do you deal with it? Do you see it getting better or are you almost at your wit's end? I am trying to decide now if it is worth even trying to go to counseling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100, at least.

Together 20 years, married 17.

I wish we could win the lottery so we did not have to worry about money (like the unexpected $900 car repair today--so bummed), but our relationship is absolutely heavenly. Eternity is not going to be long enough to love him...

I'm glad to read this. I didn't want to be the first to post a happy response. 10+++++ for me as well. We've been together 25 years. I absolutely adore him. He is a wonderful husband. And a great father to our five kids. He is my very best friend. I'm not always happy - no one is. But I'm always happy to be married to him.

I'm glad to read your response!

Previous PP again...I should say it is a very rare day that we do not make love at least once. I can never get enough of him, in any way.

Our children range from teenagers on down to a seven month old baby.

As for the money issue...it's not a small thing, to struggle financially, but it is a much larger thing to not have my love. I'm sorry PP, and I wish you the best. What is hard for you?

100 PP again...

I emailed this music video to my husband today, because it reminds me so much of us...we go back to the same park we went to in high school every year, too, and take pictures in the same photo booth...we are truly "each the other's world entire:"

http://www.youtube.com/embed/qg6r-IeH7ss

Anonymous wrote:Right now, I would say I am at about a 3 and my husband would say the same. We have been together for 7 years, married only 3.

My issues with him are his lack of motivation, lack of emotion, lack of cleanliness...he just lacks a LOT. I feel like I have to be in control of the relationship all the time. I make a lot more money than he does so my financial responsibility is greater and I don't take issue with that but he has a problem with it. I guess he expects me to quit my good paying job so that I can make him feel better about himself.

He always complains about our sex life but it is difficult for me to be intimate with someone who makes my life harder to live.

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 - been married 5 years with a preschooler. Sex is a little - sparse right now, so I think he'd probably rate it 7/8 but we are very happy.

Reading all this, I think I'm going to go home and have sex with my husband.

You're lucky your husband will probably say yes. I'm tired of asking mine. He admitted long ago that he could go longer without sex than I can. It's horrible to be the person always left wanting more.

Of course he will say yes. Who says no to sex?