Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 06:54     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
I probably would have been more subtle than you OP, I would have sent a mass thank you to the family members, copying MIL;

Thank you much for the gift cards! Aiden and Ava will enjoy time with Cruella next week I get build-a-bear.

I don't know where you all got th idea to get together to get this monster gift card, I'm sure Cruella will love the bonus Kroger points as well.

Thanks again,

Tiffani

Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 03:39     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
So if family members had gotten your kids nothing at all, would you be throwing a hissy fit too?

Again, I think its a stupid gift in any denomination. But whatever they got your kids you should be grateful for. If you are expecting family members to help provide for your kids then don't post that gifts don't matter (in your original post).
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 02:27     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
OP save the GCs and throw the next bday party there. problem solved.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 02:14     Subject: Re:Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Just call Build-a-Bear and ask if you can get cash back on a gift card. And I recommend that (a) even if you feel you need the money, don't crank on your MIL--it's not your job and (b) any communication of this sort, even of done in the most diplomatic and respectful and solicited way, should go through your husband, their son. Not you. Definitely not you.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 01:44     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Anonymous wrote:I called my MIL a few weeks ago because I had a Christmas gift idea for them since they have been asking. We are going to visit them for Christmas, so I suggested that they take our children (DH and I will come too) to Build-a-Bear at the mall and build a special stuffed animal with each of the kids. DH and I would watch 2 of them while MIL and FIL had the special time with one of them and switch on and off. They like things like this. MIL was ecstatic and said this is perfect! She then proceeded to say she will ask all of my kids aunts/uncles/grandparents to add in on the gift card to Build-a-Bear. I said please don't do that. I don't want a crap load of stuff from this store. My kids are young and really don't care about animal clothes/accessories. Just a plain stuffed animal is perfect. Do not ask the rest of the family to get them gift cards. I then gave her other very inexpensive gift ideas that she could pass along. I made it abundantly clear that they did not want any money for clothes and accessories for Build-A-Bear. The fact is, the gift would be more of a gift for the grandparents because they like doing things like this. And to be honest, the rest of the family sends the kids money and we use that each year to actually buy things that they need or we use it to fund their activities. I got a call from MIL today saying that she got the whole rest of the family to go in on it and she bought the kids $300 gift cards to Build-a-Bear!!! WTF? What kind of idiot would do this? Who would think to spend this amount of money on this stuff? I have an almost 5 year old DS and twin not yet 2 year olds. They really are not interested that much. She completely ignored my requests. In fact did the opposite. DH and I are upset. Would you be too? Am I being a bitch complaining about what other people are getting our kids? My point is not what they got the kids (which I still think is ridiculous), but that she did it when I specifically told her NOT to do it. I called her back and confronted her. I told her that it is very disrespectful to not listen to our wishes. It is not about the money (and now lack of my presents that our kids will get), but it's about her not listening. I really don't understand how some people can be so selfish. Oh, and btw, the reason that she bought all the gift cards is because where she buys them gives her fuel points and discounts for groceries and she is huge on savings/couponing. I am pretty sure she only did this so she could get the fuel points for herself. That's why she wanted to buy them 15+ gift cards!!


??
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 01:42     Subject: Re:Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but $300+ on bears is a fucking joke. This isn't a little bit of money, this is a monumental waste of money. OP - I would have said nothing but would have gone to the store and bought 1 bear for each child and then bought another set of bears, all of which would have gone to children in need. That would be the last time she wasted that money on crap.


The point is it is mil's and family's money to waste. Gift recipients don't get to call the shots. Good idea on giving the excess to charity. I think build a bear is stupid in any amount of money, but if someone gives it to my child I would Amalie and say thank you. And no way would I let them know I was regifting.


You may be wealthy but $300 is too much money for me to let that go. OP - next year, ask for something with a good resale value and SELL IT. Gifts are gifts but if someone's gift to me was watching them set fire to money in front of me, I wouldn't be happy. This gift is disgusting. A disgusting almost sinful waste of money. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON BEARS. What a stupid bitch.


ITA, pp. OP, I don't think I would have said anything, but I don't think you were wrong for doing so either. Ignore the name callers. You are not a b*tch, you were justly angry and advocating for your kids. If your MIL wanted to get the kids bears, fine, but she had no right to tell the rest of the family that they should get them too - especially after you clearly rejected that idea. If my in-laws stuck my kid with an all-bear Christmas I'd be cheesed too. I was raised by a single mom. Without family, my Christmases would have sucked. Thankfully, those relatives were considerate enough to ask my mom what I wanted or needed and to get that for me rather than whatever they felt inspired to give. Of course she always offered them several ideas and they chose what they wanted to do, but you have to be pretty selfish to ruin a kid's Christmas because you want to give them something they don't want or need. Yes, it's the giver's prerogative, but most polite people actually try to give gifts the recipients would like or could use. Honestly, it sounds like your MIL picked a gift she would want for herself. I'll bet she goes to gun & doll shows.


I'm another one who thinks this is a giant waste. I'm not sure I would have said anything, but honestly, it's just beyond tacky. We're not talking about the fact that MIL got a gift that the OP didn't like, we're talking about MIL organizing a huge group gift, and convincing the family NOT to give gifts that were actually wanted or needed (cash) and now they're getting a bazillion bears they won't appreciate. OP has come back on and said they don't have much money. Which is what I was thinking. Growing up, I used my Christmas presents to do things I wanted to do throughout the year, because there was NO extra money in our household for things like that. So if instead of getting cash I truly desired, my grandma would have convinced every single relative to change their gift to something I wouldn't have wanted, I would have literally wept. Think of the OP's children, not the OP. These kids got a raw deal, and so what if OP went mama bear on her MIL? I might have too, now that I think about it.

300 bucks on a bear. That is crazy and I'd be ticked, too.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 01:24     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Sheesh, OP. You didn't need to say a thing.

What do we do when ILs are annoying?

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

You're not going to "teach" the woman who raised your husband a damn thing. Ever. You can't change anybody, ever.

You can sell the cards or give them as gifts. Taking "a stand" or whatever in the world you thought you were doing is just a complete waste of your energy, and as you can see, many of the other pps think you were terribly rude to do it. Your family dynamics sound mucho WEIRD so I won't judge that. But really, this was a dumb approach to take. If you use the cards, whether selling them or giving them to other kids, there's absolutely no waste here. Geez.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 01:07     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
I would have DH talk to the relatives directly and tell them not to pool with MIL since she is asking for things the kids don't want/need.

I think using the gift card for a birthday party is a great idea
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2012 00:43     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Anonymous wrote:you can always use the cards for bday/holiday presents for other kids...

I would definitely do this. You said you MIL got 15 gift cards? I know it's not what you wanted but you can use this for all those bday school parties.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2012 22:24     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
O please. You people with the relatives who get your kids stuff you don't want. These relatives ruined the kids' Christmas? Really? If you know your MIL or whoever is going to ignore the list you send, then don't send the list. If you know the great aunt will buy what you say you are already getting for the kids, then don't tell her what you are getting! You cannot control these people so stop trying.

OP, it seems you tried to provide a good gift idea that would be a great experience for your kids and for your in-laws. So your MIL messed it up. You cannot control her and you shouldn't try because it will just give you an ulcer. Next year, call all the other relatives and give them ideas. Then call your MIL and give her ideas and tell her you have already called the other relatives. Learn from this year.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2012 22:02     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Anonymous wrote:[
Am I being a bitch complaining about what other people are getting our kids?



Yes.


+1. You are a bitch.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2012 22:01     Subject: Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
I totally feel you OP!! This type of stuff pisses me off. Why bother calling and asking what the kids want if you are just going to ignore it? My MIL is similar, except she asks the kids what they want from Santa, then she goes and buys them the same thing. This happened a few times and then I let her have it. Two Christmas' I watched on Christmas eve, as my kids opened up exactly what I bought for their Santa gifts. Since then MIL will ask what the kids want or need, then make a special effort to buy them absolutely nothing on that list. She also loves to tell the relatives that my kids want things that she thinks are awesome, but that my kids would never play with.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2012 21:58     Subject: Re:Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Ugh. Sell the cards on Craigslist for a 10% discount or something. Build-a-Bear is wasteful and freaky. I can't stand when all the kids should "Stuff my bear! Stuff my bear!" Gross.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2012 21:51     Subject: Re:Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Since she got you multiple gift cards in small amounts, why don't you give them as birthday gifts to the kids' Bday parties that your 5 year-old is invited to this year. Then you will have the money that you usually spend on gifts free to spend on your own kids and not have a ton of random bear stuff around your house.

Anonymous
Post 12/01/2012 21:43     Subject: Re:Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but $300+ on bears is a fucking joke. This isn't a little bit of money, this is a monumental waste of money. OP - I would have said nothing but would have gone to the store and bought 1 bear for each child and then bought another set of bears, all of which would have gone to children in need. That would be the last time she wasted that money on crap.


The point is it is mil's and family's money to waste. Gift recipients don't get to call the shots. Good idea on giving the excess to charity. I think build a bear is stupid in any amount of money, but if someone gives it to my child I would Amalie and say thank you. And no way would I let them know I was regifting.


You may be wealthy but $300 is too much money for me to let that go. OP - next year, ask for something with a good resale value and SELL IT. Gifts are gifts but if someone's gift to me was watching them set fire to money in front of me, I wouldn't be happy. This gift is disgusting. A disgusting almost sinful waste of money. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON BEARS. What a stupid bitch.


ITA, pp. OP, I don't think I would have said anything, but I don't think you were wrong for doing so either. Ignore the name callers. You are not a b*tch, you were justly angry and advocating for your kids. If your MIL wanted to get the kids bears, fine, but she had no right to tell the rest of the family that they should get them too - especially after you clearly rejected that idea. If my in-laws stuck my kid with an all-bear Christmas I'd be cheesed too. I was raised by a single mom. Without family, my Christmases would have sucked. Thankfully, those relatives were considerate enough to ask my mom what I wanted or needed and to get that for me rather than whatever they felt inspired to give. Of course she always offered them several ideas and they chose what they wanted to do, but you have to be pretty selfish to ruin a kid's Christmas because you want to give them something they don't want or need. Yes, it's the giver's prerogative, but most polite people actually try to give gifts the recipients would like or could use. Honestly, it sounds like your MIL picked a gift she would want for herself. I'll bet she goes to gun & doll shows.