Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he purposely shit the bed to make me clean it .

Omg how could you not see the craziness of this man before you married him!
Man

Not the poster you quoted, but people like this don't fly their freak flag outright right away. Abusers tend to be very good manipulators.

Thank you for saying this. People always want to blame the victim. This is why victims of abuse don't wan't to
speak about it.

One part emotional exhaustion due to years of depression, passive aggressive behavior and unemployment, coupled with some drunk driving and credit card debt. I knew I would become physically ill if I stayed, and I wasn't willing to have my financial future destroyed in order to do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he purposely shit the bed to make me clean it .

Omg how could you not see the craziness of this man before you married him!
Man

Not the poster you quoted, but people like this don't fly their freak flag outright right away. Abusers tend to be very good manipulators.

When he put his fist through the window.

*replaced

He destroyed, for the second time in a year, something with sentimental value of mine that could not be relaced. As punishment because I had dared to spend money without asking permission, to replace something else he had destroyed in one of his rages.

I asked for something small (DH to come home early from work, with notice, so I could go to something important to me). He said no.

Anonymous wrote:Curious what finally made you go through with it.

I had kind of known for a while that I wasn't going to be able to stay trapped in that relationship for the rest of my life - the thing that finally tipped it for me was going to a wedding - the wedding of a woman my ex worked with, and a woman who I'd crushed on...hard. That woman and I had that kind of instant, powerful, eye-dilating chemical attraction, the first time we were introduced by DW. She was seeing someone (and I was obviously married) and of course, neither of us did or said anything inappropriate. A little over a year later, she dropped by our house while I was alone - ostensibly looking for DW, but made it clear she was there to see me. After an awkward few minutes (because we both were not going to misbehave), she left. I knew, she knew, but meh. That's not love, that's lust, but I was living in a dead, "roomates" relationship, and that was the promise of something better. About six months later, she accepted the guy's proposal and then six months after that, they married - DW and I went to the wedding. I remember vividly still (this is 14 years ago now) watching her in her wedding dress, and thinking that should be me up there with her.

Right then and there, I decided I wasn't going to waste any more of my life in a dead relationship. No kids, no real ties. Done. We'd done counseling, we'd tried all sorts of things, for >7 years, and it wasn't going to change.

Very happily re-married today. I very consciously avoided a TON of mistakes I made the first time.

For me he held a knife to my throat. PS this was someone not violent or mean at all, though rather controlling. But after I _once_ talked to an old high school classmate (no secrecy or cheating at all) his face turned into Mr Hyde and he threw a fit for a whole week, and in the next 6 months would accuse me of cheating, call me a whore, pick fights over nothing, leave at 2am threatening suicide. The knife thing happened 3-4 times.

I literally could not sleep at night at all, I slept when he left; , luckily my job was flexible. I'd stay up reading about murder-suicide and abuse. 75% spouse murders happen during and after leaving. I never told anyone. I kept cool till I could arrange to leave and move far far away. The divorce is still pending luckily no kids.

PS he also became desperate for kids in this period . he seemed to sense I'd leave. He was not physically abusive otherwise, 90% of the time he was very nice and considerate., so strange.
.