The truly "happy and fulfilled" probably don't post on DCUM.

same goes for bloggers, I imagine

Look, you should totally do what works for you and I'm glad you were both able to figure that out AND make your lifestyle work so you can do it.

To me, being home with a baby is pretty boring. It's a ton of mindless, tedious tasks. So I see what people mean about "using their brain." When I change the baby's diaper, I'm making sure she's not falling off the changing table but other than that am not running through the ABC song with her and mentally checking if she's developmentally at the correct place. I'm just ... changing her diaper.

I don't find work to be a lot of tedious tasks or mindless paperwork - every job is different. Work stretches my brain in an interesting way for me that being at home with a baby does not.

I'm glad you're a happy, fulfilled SAHM. I'm a happy, fulfilled, work outside the home mom, and hope you're glad for me too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm another totally fulfilled, happy stay at home wife and mom. My kids are all school aged. Our home life simply works better with me at home. And I love it!

In some respects I think our home life would be better too if one of us stayed home - instead of two stressed parents trying to do two jobs, you have a division of labor. On the other hand, my relationship with dh is stronger in some respects now that I am back at work. When I was home, I tended to focus on him too much because he was my only conduit to the adult world. This was both positive and negative - I craved his company, but I also focused any resentment on him.

Still, if we had all the money in the world, I would try staying home for a year or two. As it is, I feel I owe it to our kid to stay economically viable on my own, in case anything happens to dh.

scary

Didn't you have friends?

ick

Not every WOHM works in a job that is intellectually stimulating day in and day out. Mine certainly wasn't. Sure there were pockets of intellectual work but many meetings I sat through were far from stimulating and some of my colleagues acted more like middle schoolers at times then intellectual partners. Lots of time was spent doing documentation and responding to emails and to planning.

Was it adult interaction, - yep but was it intellectually stimulating every moment of every day, absolutely not. In the same was being at home is not intellectually stimulating all day every day. I now have to seek out activities and opportunities for that, but my life is not void of intellectual stimulation.

Anonymous wrote:I'm another totally fulfilled, happy stay at home wife and mom. My kids are all school aged. Our home life simply works better with me at home. And I love it!

In some respects I think our home life would be better too if one of us stayed home - instead of two stressed parents trying to do two jobs, you have a division of labor. On the other hand, my relationship with dh is stronger in some respects now that I am back at work. When I was home, I tended to focus on him too much because he was my only conduit to the adult world. This was both positive and negative - I craved his company, but I also focused any resentment on him.

Still, if we had all the money in the world, I would try staying home for a year or two. As it is, I feel I owe it to our kid to stay economically viable on my own, in case anything happens to dh.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Addressing 19:39 - Your post has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. I didn't mention anything about people who work, but wish they could afford to stay home.

In fact, it's sort of the opposite - I am specifically wondering why some people (not all, some) think it must be unfulfilling and would prefer to work where they can "use (their) brain".

Let me clarify for you ... Childrearing without support can be hard work, harder than going to an office where you have the luxury of time and space and adult company. The sahm of 3 kids under 5 who has to do all the housework probably has a harder job. Hence, many women would feel more "fulfilled" at work. But a sahm of older kids with more support - say, one in kindergarten half the day, housecleaners, and the occasional babysitter ... Sign me up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another happy, fulfilled SAHM here.

I never had a career, though. I've known for a long time that I WANTED to be a SAHM, this despite my "feminist" mom trying to convince me that I should be a diplomat or something.

My kids are all in school now, but I still stay home. I "justify it" by knowing that on teacher in service days, snow days, sick days, etc. I don't have to scramble for child care. I just love on the first snow day of each year, watching the news stories about all the parents grumbling that they had to leave work early to pick up their kids for the early snow closing.
Also, I do a lot of volunteer work in the schools. A LOT of programs/events/etc. happen in school because of SAH parents volunteering.

You never had a career.

That says it all, PP.

So while your tone is smug, it's also laughable, as most working parents who are reading your post are only thinking you were too goddamn dumb to succeed in any position.

truth

You're not exactly a role model for kids now, are you?

Not, the PP, but what kind of role model are you? Didn't your mother ever tell you if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

So the other PP smug in not having to worry about childcare for emergencies. THAT'S nice, correct? having NO pity for parents who do work and who must either take leave or find back up childcare when kids are sick, when schools aren't in session, etc.

So many of you are truly simple, and even worse, are lacking compassion for parents who HAVE to work to keep a roof over their heads.

We work for different reasons. You stay home for mainly one - b/c it's easy.

Anonymous wrote:I would encourage my daughters to prioritize starting a family and do a career afterward.

LOL!

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM going on 3 years now with a full time live in nanny. I have to say OP, that I don't know why what other people think should bother you in the least as long as you are happy with your decision. I gave up a well paying professional career but I am completely happy with my decision and barely spare a thought for what others might think of me. I never bother reading through all the SAHM v WOH debates on here because they don't interest me and none of my friends (some of whom are extremely high achievers who could afford to SAH if they wanted to) seem to care one way or the other about my choices because they are completely happy with theirs.

bingo

high achievers where money is not an issue

I, too, could stay home, but we couldn't afford the luxuries of private school and a very nice neighborhood. For that, I'm grateful to be a "productive" member of my household where I know that my role reaches beyond motherhood.

I found staying home really tough and though I loved some parts of it, am happier as a WOHM. I must say in my circle, I don't know one person who isn't doing something to stay in the working world, be it PT or freelance or just making sure to keep up with networking etc. There is no question that many, many more moms would love a more family friendly work culture in this country, would love a PT job with some flexibility. And of course there are women like me who are ultimately happier working FT (though I do have a fair amount of flexibility and DH does A LOT which is key).

As for people doing "grunt work...." people love to work. We may gripe about it, love our vacation days, and it causes stress, but I'm reading Bill Clinton's book "Back to Work" and he puts this need for Americans and all people to work and earn a paycheck very eloquently. My own mom LOVED being a SAHM, defined herself as a wife and mom, but I watched her take great pride in getting a PT job at our school as soon as I, her youngest, was in first grade. My dad was the COO of a large national company and did very well financially, but my mom took great pride in earning her own money, in a way that fit her family's schedule. I don't think that need and that pride should be dismissed. Of course it may not be for everyone and I have no doubt there are women who are quite fulfilled giving that up but it shouldn't be dismissed.

OP, what you think is fine and if you're happy, fine. What's annoying is that you post on an active website that always has interesting debates, on a known controversial topic, then get all uppity when people express different opinions, as they were bound to do.

You obviously expected a bunch of responses like - "wow, good for you! You're awesome! I love staying home too and I use my brain doing it!" That wasn't going to happen. You seem defensive and frustrated, which usually indicates a level of dissatisfaction with one's situation. But if you're happy, great.

I have been a SAHM going on 3 years now with a full time live in nanny. I have to say OP, that I don't know why what other people think should bother you in the least as long as you are happy with your decision. I gave up a well paying professional career but I am completely happy with my decision and barely spare a thought for what others might think of me. I never bother reading through all the SAHM v WOH debates on here because they don't interest me and none of my friends (some of whom are extremely high achievers who could afford to SAH if they wanted to) seem to care one way or the other about my choices because they are completely happy with theirs.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it is not about whether one is fulfilled or not being SAH or WOH. Sometimes it is not about what the parent wants or needs. Sometimes a child has challenges and needs that dictate choices. Sometimes life is not as black and white as this thread makes it sound and arguing about it all is a luxury some of us do not have.

+1

moms' group

Sometimes it is not about whether one is fulfilled or not being SAH or WOH. Sometimes it is not about what the parent wants or needs. Sometimes a child has challenges and needs that dictate choices. Sometimes life is not as black and white as this thread makes it sound and arguing about it all is a luxury some of us do not have.