Anonymous
Post 10/26/2012 05:34     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I get annoyed but I also sympathize with the moms who stay too long, I just figure they are desperate for adult company! Especially the SAHMs! Another pet peeve of mine is how many SAHMs never let you get a word in edgewise!

But I have had a friend (not from another culture, total wasp), who came for a 9am visit, and left at 4! At the time I was pregnant with my first, didn't have appropriate toys for her 2 and 4 year old, hadn't expected to feed them all day (I had muffins but thought she would leave by lunch). It was a disaster. House totally destroyed. I was third tri and completely wiped by 2. And we had utterly run out of conversation- it was uncomfortable! Turns out her husband was working from home that day and asked her to get them out of the house! Wish she had told me that!


Again--- people aren't mind readers. If you want someone to leave, you must tell them to leave. You can do it in a nice way. It sounds to me like these people who don't leave are trying to be friendly. Why all the negativity?

Also, I can't stand the talk about lazy SAHMs. This sounds like nanny culture to say that SAHMs are lazy. I remember there was a mom who stayed at home and would rest throughout the day. Her nanny would go around telling EVERYONE, including other SAHMs, that her boss was lazy and just liked to lie around all day doing nothing. It turns out that this mom had a very serious illness. It's very destructive and mean to go around saying that SAHMs are lazy. You never know what is going on with someone. And nannys, you don't know what happens in that house before you arrive and after you leave. You sound jealous, resentful and bitter when you call SAHMs lazy. It makes you look bad to direct that meanness toward SAHMs. You really need to cut it out.
[b]

Hit a never did we??? And yes the SAHMs who dump their kids on me to go to the spa and shop are lazy and I'm not being taken advantage of just because I'm a nanny. I'll drop your little snowflakes back off at your house after exactly two hours because I don't care what is going on in their life, I'm not free childcare so they can go get a blow out. How dare you, look after your own kids or better yet HIRE YOUR OWN NANNY if you are unable to care for thrm yourself. I'm not the red cross or some other charity it a drop off center. How would you feel if someone expected you to do their job for free every week? F that.


As a SAHM who has never had time to go to a spa or spend the afternoon shopping because I'm too busy trying to fit in cleaning the house, ironing DH's work clothes, grocery shopping, cooking, and taking care of three children (who I never drop off at other people's houses even though I do end up taking care of others' kids from time to time, thanks), I find your attitude toward SAHM pretty offensive. By the end of the day I'll bet I do a hell of a lot more than you do and I don't get paid for it. Of course, I love my children and that's why I do it. But you need not be so nasty and call all SAHM lazy. Walk a day in my shoes. As for feeling taken advantage of, say NO. You work for one family and are paid by ONE family. Tell the others "not today" and keep saying "not today" every day. They will learn. If they meet you in the park their children can play with your charges there. Problem solved.
Anonymous
Post 10/26/2012 04:21     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I get annoyed but I also sympathize with the moms who stay too long, I just figure they are desperate for adult company! Especially the SAHMs! Another pet peeve of mine is how many SAHMs never let you get a word in edgewise!

But I have had a friend (not from another culture, total wasp), who came for a 9am visit, and left at 4! At the time I was pregnant with my first, didn't have appropriate toys for her 2 and 4 year old, hadn't expected to feed them all day (I had muffins but thought she would leave by lunch). It was a disaster. House totally destroyed. I was third tri and completely wiped by 2. And we had utterly run out of conversation- it was uncomfortable! Turns out her husband was working from home that day and asked her to get them out of the house! Wish she had told me that!


Again--- people aren't mind readers. If you want someone to leave, you must tell them to leave. You can do it in a nice way. It sounds to me like these people who don't leave are trying to be friendly. Why all the negativity?

Also, I can't stand the talk about lazy SAHMs. This sounds like nanny culture to say that SAHMs are lazy. I remember there was a mom who stayed at home and would rest throughout the day. Her nanny would go around telling EVERYONE, including other SAHMs, that her boss was lazy and just liked to lie around all day doing nothing. It turns out that this mom had a very serious illness. It's very destructive and mean to go around saying that SAHMs are lazy. You never know what is going on with someone. And nannys, you don't know what happens in that house before you arrive and after you leave. You sound jealous, resentful and bitter when you call SAHMs lazy. It makes you look bad to direct that meanness toward SAHMs. You really need to cut it out.
[b]

Hit a never did we??? And yes the SAHMs who dump their kids on me to go to the spa and shop are lazy and I'm not being taken advantage of just because I'm a nanny. I'll drop your little snowflakes back off at your house after exactly two hours because I don't care what is going on in their life, I'm not free childcare so they can go get a blow out. How dare you, look after your own kids or better yet HIRE YOUR OWN NANNY if you are unable to care for thrm yourself. I'm not the red cross or some other charity it a drop off center. How would you feel if someone expected you to do their job for free every week? F that.
Anonymous
Post 10/26/2012 02:12     Subject: Re:What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
I have a friend who just tells the guests to leave/go to bed in case you are staying over. At first I was taken aback, but now I appreciate it and do it myself sometimes. Just like that: "Sorry guys, you need to leave, I am tired".
Anonymous
Post 10/26/2012 00:28     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:Okay, I often host play dates form the friends of my 4yo and their moms. It's generally fun, but way too long and I almost always host bc I'm the only one who also has a 1.5yo who needs to nap. So they usually stay and play through her entire nap in the afternoon (when I could really use some downtime then-- if for no other reason than to clean up from the 4 preceding hours of play date!) What excuse could I give them? I can't really say I have to go run errands. I'm stuck in the house and I just want them to leave. I have occasionally told them that I really need to rest, but it doesn't seem to register as a valid reason to leave.


No need for an excuse, just tell them the time it will end beforehand. Of just say "I love to see you, but you know, I really need the downtime during my childs nap" Or tell them you need a nap. Most moms will totally understand. They may think that you want them to stay so you aren't lonely.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 22:22     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Okay, I often host play dates form the friends of my 4yo and their moms. It's generally fun, but way too long and I almost always host bc I'm the only one who also has a 1.5yo who needs to nap. So they usually stay and play through her entire nap in the afternoon (when I could really use some downtime then-- if for no other reason than to clean up from the 4 preceding hours of play date!) What excuse could I give them? I can't really say I have to go run errands. I'm stuck in the house and I just want them to leave. I have occasionally told them that I really need to rest, but it doesn't seem to register as a valid reason to leave.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 21:10     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
NP here. People here can be socially dense. You asked. NOW YOU KNOW tell them ahead of time: would you like to meet at the PARK from (1-2 hour window not during meal time/s), depending on your day. I know from experience which moms will pull this and which will not.

More often than not, there are moms who (as PP nanny mentioned) try to take advantage during drop off played ages. ESPECIALLY if they know you have help (regardless of whether the help is occasional, or due to exigent circumstances, or whatever). We have one family that always comes to the door on our once-every-two-weeks we have a sitter, as if they somehow have an obligation to have her services too. For free! BS. Lay down the law. If they don't get it nicely, might be time to move on. I have noticed a lot of needy people - there seems to be a big deal to meet anyone who is not too needy, unfortunately. Its always "oh they do this, what can they do for ME..." Vomit. Yes, I am jaded. GL OP.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 20:09     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:ok, so what is the standard? I figured 1.5 to 2 hours but would see 2 hrs as still perfectly fine (but at the 2 hr mark you start to pack up). yes? or too long?

weird that an acquaintance would stay that long. If it's a genuine friend, then i'm always the one trying to talk them into staying and putting their kids down at my house so we can hang out more (but that's a "play date" done more for the mommies who happen to have kids near in age - not a kid-scheduled play date).


I think the same way as this poster and am wondering if maybe the friend who overstayed her welcome just thinks that the two of you are better friends than you really are. I also agree with the PPs who said that the host should make it clear from the get-go what the expectations are. Makes it so much easier for everyone.


OP here. Don't get me wrong. I like the mom. We are new friends but we are friends. I think I am a good host and make people feel welcome in my home. That is why I invited them over for a playdate. I just didn't expect them to stay for soooooooo long. I think this mom just had no clue. I actually stopped talking after a few hours and took my kids to another room. I don't know how much clearer I could be.
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 19:40     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:Confession: I am terrible at ending conversations and knowing how/when to leave. I grew up watching my father say to my mother "Susanne, we've got to get going," and she would then proceed to spend an hour or more saying goodbye. I try not to be like her but have no idea how. Teach me!


OMG this is me! LOL

When I start saying bye to my mom over the phone we usually talk for 20+ minutes LOL
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 18:28     Subject: Re:What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:flick the lights on and off...

op, she's probably bored and/or feeling isolated. or she may have had no sense of how much time had elapsed due to personality and/or sleep deprivation.

i would just set the time and/or politely tell her you have an errand to run if she doesn't take the hint


lmao!!!


that was a joke, ding dong
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 18:25     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:Nanny here- This happens to me ALL THE TIME. Except it's usually lazy SAHMs dropping off their kids. Now after 2hrs I put everyone in the car and call the mom to say I'm driving them home so to please meet me at their house.


Sounds good. Where do I sign up?
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 18:20     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Confession: I am terrible at ending conversations and knowing how/when to leave. I grew up watching my father say to my mother "Susanne, we've got to get going," and she would then proceed to spend an hour or more saying goodbye. I try not to be like her but have no idea how. Teach me!
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 17:16     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:I disagree, PP. etiquette is universal. You do not stay more than an hour to an hour and a half for a play date. M


Not to be rude, but you sound a bit sheltered in your own little world. Etiquete is NOT universal and to me, a typical playdate is more like 2-4 hours. Neither one of us is wrong. You just have to set up clear expectations so the fault is also on the OP, no?
Anonymous
Post 10/25/2012 16:20     Subject: What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Moms have errands to run, need to cook, etc... Who the hell hangs out for an entire day at someone else's house?


You can't cook while talking to someone?


I don't want to talk to someone all day. We just talked for two hours. It was lovely. I'm done. Not everyone is as extroverted as you are.