Anonymous wrote:Some of these responses sound like they are from parents of younger kids... At least I hope so, because the idea of calling a 10yo's parents and alerting them to prior alleged bad behavior made me laugh out loud. C'mon OP and all you PPs who used the cringe-worthy phrase "special day": these are 10yoboys. They are reasonably resilient and if not yet mature they at least have some capacity for reason. Canceling the party or dis inviting the other kid are ridiculous outcomes unless the child is overtly dangerous. Otherwise, chalk it up to one blip on the radar that won't impact your son's ability to enjoy his bday unless you make this into a bigger drama than it deserves (which sounds like where you are at OP, what with the talk of heartbreaking and such.) a party is just a party - a couple of hours where the kids get to eat cake, presumably do some kind of Activity, and then go home. Your son will have friends to celebrate with him and if there is a kid he doesn't like in the room, what is the big deal?

Anonymous wrote:Please do not uninvite the boy, and please do not let him or anyone else find out the invitation was an accident--that would be hurtful and terribly poor behaviour.


WHile I'm sure your son is upset and feels the other boy was "mean" to him, most likely the other boy feels your son was "mean". They are little kids--that's how it goes. Teach your son to be a gracious host and to be the first to try to mend a relationship--as others have said, they may never be best friends....but then again, they might in a couple of years. They're still young and sorting things out. At any rate, it will certainly be a good way to teach your son how to 'rise above'.

And definitely keep an eye on the party for any signs of exclusion or 'mean boy' behaviour. None of our kids are perfect.

Anonymous wrote:Do not uninvite this boy. It's an opportunity to teach your child to be a gracious host. It's an opportunity to learn how to turn a bad relationship around by offering an olive branch. It's a test to see if the other kid can be someone worth knowing or if he's just a little jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you owe your son a huge apology. And I hope you two have the kind of relationship where in a couple of years from now he'll be able to tease you about your screwup and you'll both be able to laugh about it.

You can't un-invite the boy. Here's what I'd do:

When he arrived I'd say hi to him, and let him know that I know he and DS haven't been friends, but hopefully this party can be the beginning of a fresh start. It's okay if this party doesn't lead to a lifelong best friendship, but maybe it can lead to co-existing peacefully in school and around town. (And I'd warn DS that I was going to do this.)

Then, I'd pull aside an adult at the party (DH, FIL, my best guy friend, etc.) and point out the boy. And I'd tell them "I need you to make this kid your project for the next two hours. You need to stay right on top of him, and if he even BEGINS to step out of line, I need to know you will be all over it, shutting him down immediately. DS really went out on a limb having this kid, he's tense about it, and I don't want this kid in ANY way wrecking today's party." If the kid teases DS, the Watcher pulls him away from the group, tells him no teasing and if he does it again then you'll have to call his parents to pick him up early, then sends him back to the group. If he plays too harshly, same thing - gets pulled away, gets a talking-to, etc.

After the party, maybe at bedtime or something, I'd talk with DS about how proud I was of him dealing with a curveball graciously, being a good host no matter what, and being the bigger person (even though I accidentally forced him to do it). Then I'd tell him he earned something he's been wanting - to go to the movies with a friend without a parent, to go mini-golfing, some special outing.

Whoa, terrible idea (except the last point about congratulating the son.) Pull the child aside as soon as he arrives and essentially tell him he's a little shit and is on notice? Thats as bad as uninviting him. You treat all your guests the same, period. Thats the lesson OP should be teaching her DS. If you tell the kid thats he's a bad kid and is essentially unwanted, how do you think he will behave? And tell his mother? Who will tell the other mothers.

Same with the freakout of having some kind of body guard stand guard. I think the parents can handle this. Keep an eye out. Don't jump on every little thing. This is NOT an opportunity for revenge, it is an opportunity to start over again.

Since th kid has behaved badly in the past its particularly essential that the grownups in this situation behave well.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you owe your son a huge apology. And I hope you two have the kind of relationship where in a couple of years from now he'll be able to tease you about your screwup and you'll both be able to laugh about it.

You can't un-invite the boy. Here's what I'd do:

When he arrived I'd say hi to him, and let him know that I know he and DS haven't been friends, but hopefully this party can be the beginning of a fresh start. It's okay if this party doesn't lead to a lifelong best friendship, but maybe it can lead to co-existing peacefully in school and around town. (And I'd warn DS that I was going to do this.)

Then, I'd pull aside an adult at the party (DH, FIL, my best guy friend, etc.) and point out the boy. And I'd tell them "I need you to make this kid your project for the next two hours. You need to stay right on top of him, and if he even BEGINS to step out of line, I need to know you will be all over it, shutting him down immediately. DS really went out on a limb having this kid, he's tense about it, and I don't want this kid in ANY way wrecking today's party." If the kid teases DS, the Watcher pulls him away from the group, tells him no teasing and if he does it again then you'll have to call his parents to pick him up early, then sends him back to the group. If he plays too harshly, same thing - gets pulled away, gets a talking-to, etc.

After the party, maybe at bedtime or something, I'd talk with DS about how proud I was of him dealing with a curveball graciously, being a good host no matter what, and being the bigger person (even though I accidentally forced him to do it). Then I'd tell him he earned something he's been wanting - to go to the movies with a friend without a parent, to go mini-golfing, some special outing.