I also think this carries over from adult behavior re: RSVPing to non-child events. We used to like entertaining, but haven't done much lately. Part of that was people who would rsvp and then not show. If 20 people rsvp, I plan (and pay for!) food for 20. At our last event probably a half dozen people just didn't show. No one contacted us in advance. Only one contacted us immediately afterwards. The others, it came out in conversation much later, and the excuses were of the "something came up" variety.

If you are invited, you respond yes or no. It's not hard. No one is too busy to take this simple, easy, courteous step.

Anonymous wrote:I think this may stem from the practice of inviting all the kids in the class, and people feeling like b-day parties have to be such a production.

I was just thnking this! I feel so bad for the child and the parents who spent the time and money planning - I really do. But, as I read this I am thnking this has never happened to us ( not because we are overly popular, social, fun, throw great parties, etc.) but because I have never invited ( or let the kids invite) guests who were not " real" friends. And by this I mean kids they play with at least once or twice a week, all the time, in our home or theirs. My one child is well-liked and often gets invited to things but he is an introvert and perfers not to go so with him we even pre-check and say to his 3 or 4 closest pals " billy's birthday is on a tuesday this year does that work ." Other parents do that too since again it is only close friends and who else do you want at your party then your real pals.

Now, if this is for the 5 and under set, I do get why people want to include the class, playgroup, soccer team as they are just starting to make friends and maybe don't have a group. This was us and I get it but even then I only invited the kids we had weekly playdates with.
It is rude and I am appalled with you. He or she will have their group soon enough. I promise you so hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So glad to know that this has happened to others. It happened to us, and for a while I wondered if it had something to do with my child. Upon further reflection, I realized my son has many friends and is generally well-liked, and that iour bad luck was due to a busy season (soccer, baseball, Easter) and inconsiderate invitees.

If you think about it, we do more parties now than we ever did; I don't think I had my first real birthday party until I was 8. With all these outside activities, it's impossible to attend everything. For this reason, we don't do large birthday parties anymore. We invite a small number of kids over to do something fun, and that's it. It's much more meaningful, I think.

Yes I agree with this (the part I've underline and highlighted from your post, OP). That is one of the reasons we have not done a "friends" bday party yet. DD will be 5 in the Fall and last year she just had cake and ice cream at home with us and my parents (and a little cupcake party at her school) and this year, as a "step up," she'll have a little party with her cousins. She thinks this is just about the most exciting idea she has ever heard of and is already counting down the days!

PP here. The hard part is when their very best friends at school have huge "event" parties, your child starts to ask why they can't have the same. That was our mistake, when we attempted to do the same for my son (lesson learned!) We now tell the kids that we simply prefer to hold small parties with close friends and to be sure, my kids enjoy them as much as any other party they've been to.

Yes, all her friends have these big event parties too. So far she has been fine with the explanation, "This is how our family does it," but I know she won't be as easy as she gets older. It helps that her cousin closest in age also has a family b'day party at the beach every summer, so she has just come home from seeing that, and therefore is excited about it and thinks she is cool and gets to have a cousins party "just like _____." Whew!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So glad to know that this has happened to others. It happened to us, and for a while I wondered if it had something to do with my child. Upon further reflection, I realized my son has many friends and is generally well-liked, and that iour bad luck was due to a busy season (soccer, baseball, Easter) and inconsiderate invitees.

If you think about it, we do more parties now than we ever did; I don't think I had my first real birthday party until I was 8. With all these outside activities, it's impossible to attend everything. For this reason, we don't do large birthday parties anymore. We invite a small number of kids over to do something fun, and that's it. It's much more meaningful, I think.

Yes I agree with this (the part I've underline and highlighted from your post, OP). That is one of the reasons we have not done a "friends" bday party yet. DD will be 5 in the Fall and last year she just had cake and ice cream at home with us and my parents (and a little cupcake party at her school) and this year, as a "step up," she'll have a little party with her cousins. She thinks this is just about the most exciting idea she has ever heard of and is already counting down the days!

PP here. The hard part is when their very best friends at school have huge "event" parties, your child starts to ask why they can't have the same. That was our mistake, when we attempted to do the same for my son (lesson learned!) We now tell the kids that we simply prefer to hold small parties with close friends and to be sure, my kids enjoy them as much as any other party they've been to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Calling someone and trying to give a guilt trip on behalf of the birthday parents is more obnoxious than not RSVPing. You never know which family is dealing with true adversity and hadn't even checked their email because they are so overwhelmed. "

Totally disagree. Odds are against the tragedy situation and the best way around that is a message that could be read either way but that if you blew it off you KNOW it's a guilt trip..."Hi, X, I just wanted to check up on kiddo A since we heard you guys had to miss birthday kid's party at the last minute. it was a nice but very small party. I really hope everything is ok with you."

The "not checking email" scenario may work for no RSVP but doesn't for those who RSVP yes and then just inexplicably bail.

Bingo.

And frankly, you shouldn't give out your email address if you don't check it. When you give your email you are telling people this is how to get in touch with you. If you prefer the phone or snail mail, tell them at the outset, don't just let them feel ignored. (Although I highly doubt most people are THAT overwhelmed that they go weeks without checking email.)

Anonymous wrote:So glad to know that this has happened to others. It happened to us, and for a while I wondered if it had something to do with my child. Upon further reflection, I realized my son has many friends and is generally well-liked, and that iour bad luck was due to a busy season (soccer, baseball, Easter) and inconsiderate invitees.

If you think about it, we do more parties now than we ever did; I don't think I had my first real birthday party until I was 8. With all these outside activities, it's impossible to attend everything. For this reason, we don't do large birthday parties anymore. We invite a small number of kids over to do something fun, and that's it. It's much more meaningful, I think.

Yes I agree with this (the part I've underline and highlighted from your post, OP). That is one of the reasons we have not done a "friends" bday party yet. DD will be 5 in the Fall and last year she just had cake and ice cream at home with us and my parents (and a little cupcake party at her school) and this year, as a "step up," she'll have a little party with her cousins. She thinks this is just about the most exciting idea she has ever heard of and is already counting down the days!

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad my DC's have aged out of this. Both attended private schools, there were major, birthday productions every other weekend. We had simple, family birthday parties at home. I guess, my poor kids felt so unloved.

Just curious, are there any Dads responding to this thread or is this just a Mom thing?

I think your post is way off point. Rsvping yes then not showing up without any explanation happens at smaller casual parties too. I don't think anyone on this thread has advocated for having huge party events or implied that is neccessary for your kids to feel loved.