Anonymous
07/21/2012 00:04
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
it's not about exposing her DS to other religions. It's about the MIL getting the wrong idea and thinking she can bring DS into the church & that way if life. Give an inch take a mile idea
Anonymous
07/20/2012 23:46
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
Anonymous wrote:It's sad that people get hung up on man made doctrines. It doesn't matter if I am in a church or a temple I have the same sense of spiritualism. For those of you who are true believers in one religion or another, do you feel the presence of God in your place of worship and a spiritual void in others?
Probably they do, that's why they are "true believers"
But the real question is, why would such a person marry outside said faith? We are confusing ethnicity with religion. If OP sees Judaism as religion, how could she live with a non-chosen, wrong DH? If OP sees Judaism as ethnicity, what is the problem of exposing DC to DH's family practices?
Anonymous
07/20/2012 23:26
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
they are not going to church regularlyAnonymous wrote:
PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.
FWIW, you are not Jewish so your children are not Jewish anyway (b/c their father is Jewish does not make them Jewish--it's passed by the mother). So, it doesn't matter if your children go to church, b/c like I said, they are not Jewish in the first place.
if you are reform or conservative, then jewishness is passed on by the father
unless you want to go and tell them that they are not?
I still think op is using the religion thing to distance her mil.
OP, why did you start this thread? you seemed to have descided already anyway
Anonymous
07/20/2012 20:00
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
For many people, church is also about culture and community. I completely agree with 14:58 and others. I also appreciate the 10 Jewish friends who came to my son's Catholic baptism! Should we not have gone to our friend's son's Bar Mitzvah a few weeks ago? My son comfortably stood up with all the other kids around the Bar Mitzvah boy - and he has been a regular camper at DCJCC.
Life is short; OP: you say MIL doesn't live nearby. Raise your son as you plan, but let your child have his own relationship with his grandmother. Our children need other people who aren't their parents to love them and share their life's experiences. Having good grandparents makes our lives richer and deeper in the long run. Yours call to you to honor your faith and pass it along. Your MIL also has herself to share and give - set your boundaries, but then get out of the way.
Life is short; OP: you say MIL doesn't live nearby. Raise your son as you plan, but let your child have his own relationship with his grandmother. Our children need other people who aren't their parents to love them and share their life's experiences. Having good grandparents makes our lives richer and deeper in the long run. Yours call to you to honor your faith and pass it along. Your MIL also has herself to share and give - set your boundaries, but then get out of the way.
Anonymous
07/20/2012 19:17
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
It's sad that people get hung up on man made doctrines. It doesn't matter if I am in a church or a temple I have the same sense of spiritualism. For those of you who are true believers in one religion or another, do you feel the presence of God in your place of worship and a spiritual void in others?
Anonymous
07/20/2012 18:49
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.
Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.
Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.
I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.
OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.
I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.
+ 1
+ 2
PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.
FWIW, you are not Jewish so your children are not Jewish anyway (b/c their father is Jewish does not make them Jewish--it's passed by the mother). So, it doesn't matter if your children go to church, b/c like I said, they are not Jewish in the first place.
Actually there are far fewer blonde/blue-eyed folks than Jews. Look where that thinking got everyone in WWII...food for thought.
Anonymous
07/20/2012 18:45
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
"Clearly the OP is not so concerned about the survival of the Jewish religion (which seems to be doing fine, by the way) that she wouldn't make a family with someone who is not a Jew in the first place."
Hmm not sure how that would be so clear to you.
A woman can marry out and still have Jewish children. The important thing, is to carry on the traditions and raise the children Jewish
Hmm not sure how that would be so clear to you.
A woman can marry out and still have Jewish children. The important thing, is to carry on the traditions and raise the children Jewish
Anonymous
07/20/2012 18:28
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.
Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.
Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.
I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.
OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.
I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.
+ 1
+ 2
PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.
FWIW, you are not Jewish so your children are not Jewish anyway (b/c their father is Jewish does not make them Jewish--it's passed by the mother). So, it doesn't matter if your children go to church, b/c like I said, they are not Jewish in the first place.
Protect your way of life from what? The OP is raising her child Jewish so her child will be Jewish. This has nothing to do with whether or not this kid goes to church twice a year with his grandmother and the OP lets him decorate Christmas cookies at her house as a bonding experience that is about culture and not religion. Being around people of a different faith and respecting religious diversity among the people that you love is not going to destroy Judaism. NOT doing these things is a bigger threat because it will eventually alienate people like the OP's son when they grow up. Some people are attracted by exclusionary, restrictive religions, but more people are alienated by them in a world where people are increasingly living amongst diverse populations.
From the way that you talk it is clear that you are not in an interfaith marriage because someone who embraces this kind of "imminent threat" mindset would not have entered into an interfaith marriage in the first place. Clearly the OP is not so concerned about the survival of the Jewish religion (which seems to be doing fine, by the way) that she wouldn't make a family with someone who is not a Jew in the first place.
Anonymous
07/20/2012 17:47
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.
Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.
Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.
I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.
OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.
I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.
+ 1
+ 2
PP. what you do not understand is that there are far fewer Jewish ppl in this world and we must protect our way of life. So, I as a Jewish person would not EVER go into a church on a regular basis or expose my children to it, b/c they are being brought up Jewish. They can learn about it another way.
FWIW, you are not Jewish so your children are not Jewish anyway (b/c their father is Jewish does not make them Jewish--it's passed by the mother). So, it doesn't matter if your children go to church, b/c like I said, they are not Jewish in the first place.
Anonymous
07/20/2012 16:34
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.
Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.
Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.
I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.
OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.
I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.
+ 1
+ 2
Anonymous
07/20/2012 15:51
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.
Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.
Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.
I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.
So is being Catholic Italian. They are one and the same.
However, I won't deny my ILs the chance to share their lives with my kids - even if their belief system is different. It's different, not damaging.
Anonymous
07/20/2012 15:12
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.
Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.
Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.
I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.
OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.
I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.
+ 1
Anonymous
07/20/2012 14:58
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
Anonymous wrote:Actually, our lifestyle is not confusing to DS at all. MIL is not an immediate member of this family, so that's irrelevant. DH is very supportive of DS going to Hebrew school and celebrating the holidays as a family, with friends etc. He just doesn't pray and does not identify as Jewish.
Judaism isn't only a religion, it's my history & culture. It's about carrying on the tradition out of respect for my holcaust surviving grandparents.
Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.
I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.
OP, I'm one of the PP's in an interfaith Jewish/Christian marriage. You seem not to understand that for your MIL, being a Southern Baptist is also a cultural identification and one that you can respect/appreciate as a part of your family's identity (and it is a part of your kid's identity if not a part of his religion because he father is/was from this background. This is the deal when you intermarry.) I would never deny my MIL the experience of taking our kids with her to her synagogue so that they can see what it is like, meet her friends, learn about the religion in which their father was raised. I do not want them to be Jewish, but I want them to respect Judaism. You should want your child to understand/respect both his grandmother and his father's religious and cultural background even if you do not want him to be a Southern Baptist and your husband doesn't want to be a member of this community anymore. It was part of the experience that formed who he is whether or not he wants to continue to believe. People have a strong need to understand where they come from and your kid will need to learn to integrate his entire background into his identity as he grows up.
I love my Jewish IL's, but one thing that I have found frustrating about the Jewish community in general since I became a part of it through intermarriage is that sometimes Jews do not understand that Christians see themselves are part of a wonderful, rich, and interesting cultural tradition that is meaningful to them in its family/community traditions in a way that is not always linked to religious practice. Jews don't have a monopoly on family traditions or cultural celebrations and it is not a threat for a Jewish person to be a witness/non-believing participant to those traditions anymore than it is for a Christian to be a witness/non-believing participant in Jewish traditions.
Anonymous
07/20/2012 14:44
Subject: I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
I think you have been trained to believe the exact same thingAnonymous wrote:
Christians like to recrute and MIL is no different. We have a good relationship but will never agree on this, since she will always think her way of worshipping is right, as that's what she has been trained to believe.
I dont have a problem exposing DS to different cultures and religions, it's about MIL deciding since we came once, she can get DS to go regularly and that it would be ok for him to identify as Christian.
Cannot help but think you harbor contempt for her religion. Do you like your mil?
Anonymous
07/20/2012 12:48
Subject: Re:I'm Jewish, DH is not. Would going to Church with MIL send the wrong message?
I think the issue is why you think MIL wants you to go...if it is so she can introduce you and show off her grandson to her church friends, show you how proud she is of some project she helped with at the church, etc...I would say go. If you think she is taking you so YOU will be exposed to the church, I would not go. It will just confuse her and give her false hope. She sounds a little clueless about Jewish people.