Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- if you don't have kids, join a meet-up group.
If you do, it seems that ways to expand your circle are:
1) house of worship
2) moving to a social neighborhood
3) getting involved in your kids' pre-school or school
4) neighborhood swim/tennis club
5) join a moms' meet-up group

I found my circle by doing #s 2, 3 and 5.

How do you know before renting/buying if your neighborhood is social? Based on organized events in the neighborhood or just whether the people are social are not? Or do you just move to a neighborhood where you know at least 1 person?

I think you pick an area in which you want to live and then ask around. Post questions on here; stalk the neighborhood to see if you see folks out and about. A swim/tennis club in or in close proximity to the neighborhood helps as a gathering place, so maybe look for communities with that.
You could also ask a realtor. Some hoods have websites.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I am an introvert and a "sloth". People exhaust me. I have a few very good friends and some acquaintances and I honestly don't have the time or the energy for more. Just reading about the endless girls' weekends, sorority meetups, mommy get-togethers and vineyard tours people post about on FB are exhausting to me. Hanging out with my family with the occasional dinner out with a friend or two here and there are plenty for me. But I know I am probably in the minority here.

I could have written this!

I agree with most of this... however I wish I had 4-5 friends with similar families (ie husband, kids) to invite over here and there (maybe every month or so?) for a get-together. I also wouldn't mind catching a movie or lunch with a female friend every once in a while. Just nice to get out like that sometimes.

I have what my parents had and I now realize how lucky that is...some REALLY great neighbors with similar interests and non-annoying kids. There are 3-4 families where we routinely have impromptu gatherings. We also vacation sometimes together. I see these people as people I will still want to hang out with when all of our kids flee the nest. My parents had a really core group of neighbors like this in my cul-de-sac growign up...they were like family members to me. I still ask about MrandMrs so-and-so and their kids and my parents are still close with even the ones that retired in different parts of the country.

I have a few childhood friends and work colleagues in the area that live about 20 min away and we are in touch less frequently due to kids' schedules---but we try to do somethign every 3-4 months or so and when I get together with them we pick up right where we left off.

I don't like planning things in advance so I appreciate my neighbors are spur of the moment--let's hang out but also don't worry or take it personally if we don't see each other that particular week becasue of busy schedules. no jealousy and no drama and I hope it remains this way! I keep thinking how lucky we are to have a street with so many people I would have hung out with in my 20s.

I don't like huge groups and I am not a facebook type. I prefer a tighter core. It is fun to go out once in awhile with a much larger group--but I prefer to keep it local on a week-by-week basis.

Yes.

11:13 - ITA. If only there was an app for testing which neighborhoods have normal people and not a bunch of yahoos

Anonymous wrote:OP -- if you don't have kids, join a meet-up group.
If you do, it seems that ways to expand your circle are:
1) house of worship
2) moving to a social neighborhood
3) getting involved in your kids' pre-school or school
4) neighborhood swim/tennis club
5) join a moms' meet-up group

I found my circle by doing #s 2, 3 and 5.

How do you know before renting/buying if your neighborhood is social? Based on organized events in the neighborhood or just whether the people are social are not? Or do you just move to a neighborhood where you know at least 1 person?

Anonymous wrote:No, because there's very few people worth knowing or hanging out with.

+1.

NO! Not envious! Too exhausted! They can take their big social circle far far away from me so I can have some peace and quiet! That's basically all I need these days. LOL....

OP -- if you don't have kids, join a meet-up group.
If you do, it seems that ways to expand your circle are:
1) house of worship
2) moving to a social neighborhood
3) getting involved in your kids' pre-school or school
4) neighborhood swim/tennis club
5) join a moms' meet-up group

I found my circle by doing #s 2, 3 and 5.

Another family with a large social circle.

We almost all met at synagogue, although some went to high school/camp/college together. We all moved to downtown DC approx the same time, got married within 1-2 yrs of each other, had kids within 1-2 years of each others and 5 couples just moved to the same suburbs last summer.

Now we meet new people at synagogue or through the neighborhood or kids school almost weekly. If we connect, we become FB friends or invite the other one over for a meal. I am regularly inviting people over that I only know as acquaintances. If we get along, great. If not, at least we had a nice meal. I'll invite 3-4 families (8-10 adults + kids) to any given meal.

I definitely have a smaller circle of closer friends within this large group and those are the ones I chat with daily and invite over at the last minute and go away on vacation with. But if I am having an open house party (like for DD's baby naming), we could easily expect to have 100 people.

I'm not jealous of those with a larger social circle than mine because mine is fairly large. I'm just jealous of those with a more RELIABLE social circle. Goddamn everyone in my circle is such a flake. Someone is ALWAYS bailing on something for some absolutely nonsensical reason, or showing up crazy late to a planned event, or what have you. Also, nobody else in my circle is a "planner." They will show up to stuff that is planned or suggested, but I am pretty much always the one to plan it. Then they'll all say, "This was so great, we need to do this more often!" but nobody else will initiate! Everything we do as families is planned by me. And I don't mind this, but if someone else could take up the slack just once and say, "Hey, let's all meet here for dinner on Saturday," that would really be great. It gets old being the one to always coordinate everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: how did you find this group? How did you meet each other?

It is part neighborhood people and part families of kids my kids are friends with at school. About 3/4 of the families overlap in both circles, but we have enough outside of the overlap that we can bring in others or rotate out. It isn't like it was a ready-made group. We've grown into it over time and pruned the branches over time. For example, if your kids are only in lacrosse and all of the rest of the kids are in soccer then you will find some new people that both you and your kids hang out with. Some of those people will work in your group and some of them will just be buddies for that activity/event/sport.
One thing I've learned along the way is that most other people aren't out there living life with a full dance card. An invitation to do something can be just the thing. Play dates, meet at the zoo, have a knit night, meet at the pool. Even something like being the one who comes up with the idea to order pizza when you're all volunteering for something at the school can turn out to be a mini social event.

I should also point out that I've spent years at a time not having more than 1 or 2 friends. I'm was not born or raised to be social. It was acquired through letting go of my childish fears of failure and rejection and just asking people to do things and offering to help out.

You give me hope!

PP, you are very fortunate that your neighbors are not a bunch of back biting gossips with a huge imagination! Some neighbors can be nasty. Though we have been fortunate, a nice mix of families and retired people with big hearts. They have held baby showers for new moms they didn't even know, which is nice. They mind their own business - yet know how to be social, friendly and welcoming at the same time, which is great. It shows when people are intelligent - socially, emotionally and academically.

Anonymous wrote: how did you find this group? How did you meet each other?

It is part neighborhood people and part families of kids my kids are friends with at school. About 3/4 of the families overlap in both circles, but we have enough outside of the overlap that we can bring in others or rotate out. It isn't like it was a ready-made group. We've grown into it over time and pruned the branches over time. For example, if your kids are only in lacrosse and all of the rest of the kids are in soccer then you will find some new people that both you and your kids hang out with. Some of those people will work in your group and some of them will just be buddies for that activity/event/sport.
One thing I've learned along the way is that most other people aren't out there living life with a full dance card. An invitation to do something can be just the thing. Play dates, meet at the zoo, have a knit night, meet at the pool. Even something like being the one who comes up with the idea to order pizza when you're all volunteering for something at the school can turn out to be a mini social event.

I should also point out that I've spent years at a time not having more than 1 or 2 friends. I'm was not born or raised to be social. It was acquired through letting go of my childish fears of failure and rejection and just asking people to do things and offering to help out.