Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they do it b/c they can and it makes them happy, and it makes my husband and i happy too. my parent's attitude is that they rather help us now when they're around than help us when they're dead.

You better hope they don't become ill - or if they do, have good long term health insurance - or they'll suck you dry of THEIR money.

thanks for your concern. they have excellent health insurance. my parents are actually quite smart about these things. and i appreciate they're generosity. we're not living a highfalutin lifestyle. we have a townhouse and my parents helped with a portion of the downpayment (my parents offered to pay for a wedding or cash for a downpayment -- i chose the cash) and they assist with tuition bills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't live in NW, but my parents died young and left me their money. What would you suggest I do?

Then why are you posting?

duh

Because according to some I guess I'm a leech. So stupid. It's the parents' choice. Where is the line drawn? Are birthday gifts of cash ok? Contributions to 529s? I especially love the "my parents paid for private school and college and now I do it alone!" posters. You CAN do it alone because you had parental help! I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting it if it's offered but don't be all high and mighty about how you've made it on your own.

Come again, what is the point of this entire thread?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am completely naive, but I am surprised that this is a widespread practice and perhaps even more surprised that people take it. I cannot imagine taking any money from my parents, regardless of how well off they are.

What would you suggest we do? When Dh's grandfather wrote checks out to the grandkids for sevral years and sent them to each of them with a note about how much he wanted to give this to us to help us get a start, or when DH's dad sends a check (which he does with some frequency) saying he got a windfall and wanted to share, should we rip up the check? Scrawl all over the letter, "We don't want your money because we can do it ourselves, godammit"?

We would never ask for help, but I would never insult them by taking such a stance on a gift. I learned years ago after jockeying for years with my FIL that he still needs to be the parent. He doesn't care that we can pay for everyone's dinner, for example. If we are out he always insists on picking up the check, and I have finally stopped fighting him. He wants to do it to show he is still the parent. So we let him. Why do we need to rub his nose in how much we don't need his influence (since we moved away from a place where he had some) or his money?

It's not about rubbing his nose in it and honestly, if i were in your situation I am not sure how I would handle it. This is also your DH's family, so you have less leverage in terms of dealing with them and turning down their "gifts."

I think that having limited resources has shaped me immensely. It has forced me to become efficient, creative, self-relient, and responsible. I can't speak for those who have always had plenty of money available to them, but I wonder how they are responsible and independent in other aspects of their lives given that they've never *had* to support themselves.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am completely naive, but I am surprised that this is a widespread practice and perhaps even more surprised that people take it. I cannot imagine taking any money from my parents, regardless of how well off they are.

What would you suggest we do? When Dh's grandfather wrote checks out to the grandkids for sevral years and sent them to each of them with a note about how much he wanted to give this to us to help us get a start, or when DH's dad sends a check (which he does with some frequency) saying he got a windfall and wanted to share, should we rip up the check? Scrawl all over the letter, "We don't want your money because we can do it ourselves, godammit"?

We would never ask for help, but I would never insult them by taking such a stance on a gift. I learned years ago after jockeying for years with my FIL that he still needs to be the parent. He doesn't care that we can pay for everyone's dinner, for example. If we are out he always insists on picking up the check, and I have finally stopped fighting him. He wants to do it to show he is still the parent. So we let him. Why do we need to rub his nose in how much we don't need his influence (since we moved away from a place where he had some) or his money?

When we were shopping for our first home in Bethesda with what we thought was a reasonable budget for a modest house with a few bedrooms, our realtor looked us square in the eye and said, "Well, we could do more if your budget was a little higher. Don't you think your parents will give you a gift if you ask nicely?" Seriously?! I thought that was SO weird. And a little rude. She seemed to think it was weird that our parents were NOT helping us out with the purchase of our first home. That's just the way this area is.

Funny this is the typical liberal mindset sponging off either the government Or parents believing they are entitled

To answer 23:33:

Big checks hover around $50k per year from each. They also contribute max to our 529 plans so we don't actually save for our kids' college funds. Smaller checks are $5k for birthdays, Christmas, etc.

The trust my grandmother set up for each one of her grand kids paid for my undergrad education. My dad assisted in my grad school. He waived my mom's life insurance policy when she passed so I could use the money as down payment input home and avoid PMI just as his mom gave him money to buy his first house. His annual checks helped pay for my
IVF which produced the three grand kids he was so happy to have and when he passed two years ago I have used some of my inheritance to supplement our income so I could go part-time (and soon I will SAH). All things he would have supported. I don't feel guilty or bad. We could still afford to live in this area without the help, but would be in Germantown suffering through 1 1/2 hour commute. I may make you sick, but I feel fortunate. My intent is pay for our kids education and to leave them with a modest inheritance. In my mind, nothing wrong with that.

nothing wrong with helping family.

My parents give us the maximum permitted tax-free per year. We don't spend a dime of it, nor do we rely on its availability. If my parents ever need or want it, it's there for them. If not, it's money that's been transferred tax-efficiently. My DH and I have a high HHI on our own, and hope to do the same kind of gifting for our kids. No strings attached in our family, just a "we're all in it together" approach to family finances.

This approach may be more common among recent immigrants. I'm first generation American, and my extended family has always had finances intertwined between generations and among various branches of the family. One child would come to the US, then send money home to help a cousin get here, for example. Likewise, when an older family member needed extra care, she could rely on moving in with her niece and her niece's husband. Our family is doing much better financially than we were a generation ago, but the communal sentiment still applies. Maybe its true that I'm less "independent" than others. But I think of it as being more connected with, and more responsible for, my family. When buying our home, I made sure there was space for family to come live with us for extended stays, or while someone's getting his or her feet grounded here in the US. This seems normal to me, and an effective way of helping family.

We take NOTHING from our parents, either and are god damn proud of it.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's other people's business. I'm not a trust fund baby, but my parents and in-laws give us a nice check every year, plus smaller checks here and there. We don't need it (BigLaw) but it's nice.

...can you give an example of such a check?
Just curious...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you amassed wealth and knew it would be taken largely in estate taxes, you would be looking for ways to transfer the money now before you die too.

+1 and parent had trust fund (and worked even though they didn't have to).

Nah. A good estate lawyer can protect the money through trusts and other means, and rich people can afford good estate lawyers who get them under whatever the taxable amount is for the year in question (it's been changing since 2001). Plus, there are limits to how much you can transfer to your kids every year before it becomes taxable. Finally, "old money" as a PP called it is all about preserving the capital and instead spending out of income, which hopefully is significant.

Their very good estate lawyers told them to give us 52k/yr which is the current max limit per couple gift tax limit. They also contribute 26k into DS's 529 and have contributed the max every yr since he was born. So yeah, we're not turning down the money and messing up their estate planning.

You people spend such an inordinate amount of time worrying about other people's money. (Usually your "friends," it seems.) It's pathetic. If your friends are jerks don't be friends with them. I know lots of rich jerks and poor jerks and I avoid them equally. The bitterness thing is only eating you up inside. I can promise you the trust fund kids are not one bit concerned with your opinion. Your bitterness reflects much worse on you than them. It's sad and funny at the same time--just so transparent and illogical.