OP, I deal by a combination of hiring people and making DH take the kids more on the weekends so I can get shit done.I give him a choice "would you like to take the kids this aftrnoon or mop the floor, pay the bills and cook a few meals?"

sure, I would rather be at the park with my kids than cleaning the house, but it's better than nothing. I have also identified what he will do: grocery shopping and getting the dry cleaning, since both impact him. I never do those things.

and my standards have dropped.
good luck.

I would absolutely LOVE to hear DH's side of the story.

You can't make him do stuff. You can create a situation where he wants to or needs to do stuff.

1. Don't do his laundry. He will eventually have to do it. I don't understand why grown men need somebody to do their laundry. It's crazy to me.

2. Go out and grocery shop or work out 2 nights a week and on the weekend once for a few hours. Lots of men won't do stuff with the kids because they don't know what to do or the wife keeps judging how they are doing it. Also, you can create a daddy/daughter tradition - like every Sunday dad takes her to get ice cream and pick up some groceries or he takes her to ballet class or whatever.

3. Get a plastic container from Target. Take all the "stuff" that he leaves lying around in the plastic container. Then when he says where is the X say check the container. Our container stays in the pantry. It's basically an 8x10 container with receipts, keys, etc - stuff he just leaves lying around. This way the house is clean and I don't throw away anything important. Eventually he will go through the container and throw stuff out.

I have 5 brothers - nice guys - men are lame (not all of them - 1 out of the 5 does not need instructions).

Good Luck!