Anonymous wrote:I don't get the women who are denying the existence of EAs. If some woman was telling my husband she would lick him all over, that would be disturbing. But how you would feel if you found out your husband worked with someone who really felt a connection with, who when she was going through a hard time, he felt awful about it and wanted to protect her/comfort her. How he thought they had so much in common, and really understood each other.

OP. This is what my dh said. They have a connection, she is lonely (since her divorce) ... I said take your pick. There's a whole bunch of lonely people in DC.

PP again - what I mean is, that e-mail crosses the line beyond EA. I wouldn't be inviting her over for a BBQ to scope things out - sounds like that ship has sailed.

It sounds like they have been intimate already. Why do you think they haven't had sex? That e-mail speaks volumes.

I don't get the women who are denying the existence of EAs. If some woman was telling my husband she would lick him all over, that would be disturbing. But how you would feel if you found out your husband worked with someone who really felt a connection with, who when she was going through a hard time, he felt awful about it and wanted to protect her/comfort her. How he thought they had so much in common, and really understood each other.

That's what happened with my DH. He was lying about the amount of time they were spending together. He was doing date-type things with her even though he thought they were "platonic." (like on work trips they would go on bike trips, out for drinks just them, etc.). No physical lines were crossed but he was clearly into her. And in order to do all this, he was less interested and motivated in spending time with me, because he was giving all his energy to her. He would come home and just want to veg out or text with her.

It took a while for him to realize what a hot mess she was and that they were both lost and not actually discovering their soul mates. It helped that he had known her for years and it was only when he entered mid-life crisis mode caused by a career disappointment and birth of our second child, and she was going through a messy divorce they "discovered" each other. She is actually not psycho, but she has kids, he has kids, and I think he realized it was pointless to leave the mother of his children for some woman with more children just because he felt an infatuation. And that after a year or so of new sex, it would be same old, same old, only they wouldn't share the kids and they wouldn't have a shared history. So we opted together to work on issues on our marriage that were weak. It ended up being a good thing but I would not wish it on another person and I certainly wouldn't dismiss it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe that something is an affair unless sex is involved. This "emotional affair" talk has gotten out of hand in recent years. Before a few years ago, I never heard of it.

+1.

+2 This is nuts.

DH here: I generally agree with this. The concept of an emotional affair seems to me invented by people who are so threatened by any relationship outside of the marriage that they are looking for a reason to shut things down. Having said that, if OP's DH was emailing another woman about licking one another's bodies up and down, a line has clearly been crossed.

Anonymous wrote:How do people disagree that an emotional affair isn't an affair?
If my H was getting racy texts/pics and spending all his emotions and conversations on another woman, that "doesn't count"?

Racy texts/pics are different than "my husband talks to this woman about our relationship--its cheating" EAs.

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Anonymous wrote:Why do women always want to hold on to their cheating scum husbands? If I were the OP I'd kick him out until he came to his senses and realizes what he was about to lose. And if he didn't, he wasn't worth holding on to. Have some self-respect.

How come when a man cheats he is scum? But when a woman cheats? She was trying to "discover" herself, he never connected with her emotionally, he was too distant, worked too many hours and didn't make her feel sexually desirable, etc?

Because (1) a cheater is never wrong in their minds and (2) this forum is mostly women. And closeted gays. And super-players like TSFG who probably goes home to Hagerstown every night banging some hot bitch the whole way back.

OP, I'm sorry you are going through this. FWIW, I think that your husband is cheating on you. If you only have him saying "we're just friends" and nothing more to go on, I think he's lying to you. Noone writes such sexual messages without something already happening. I'm just thinking about my male friends - even those I'm flirty with. I'd never say I'd lick them or ask what they'd do to me if I came over at night. Unless I was confident about our "relationship" and that would be if something already physical happened. I'm sorry.

How do people disagree that an emotional affair isn't an affair?
If my H was getting racy texts/pics and spending all his emotions and conversations on another woman, that "doesn't count"?

Anonymous wrote:Why do women always want to hold on to their cheating scum husbands? If I were the OP I'd kick him out until he came to his senses and realizes what he was about to lose. And if he didn't, he wasn't worth holding on to. Have some self-respect.

How come when a man cheats he is scum? But when a woman cheats? She was trying to "discover" herself, he never connected with her emotionally, he was too distant, worked too many hours and didn't make her feel sexually desirable, etc?

Why do women always want to hold on to their cheating scum husbands? If I were the OP I'd kick him out until he came to his senses and realizes what he was about to lose. And if he didn't, he wasn't worth holding on to. Have some self-respect.

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Anonymous wrote:How do you even know she sees it as an emotional affair? Are you sure the infatuation was mutual?

She certainly flirts with him and feeds his ego. When dh mentioned he was sweaty and needed to take a shower, she said she would lick his body up and down. She then asked what he would do if she came over to our house right then, in the middle of the night.

Um WTF? If you actually read this then why in the hell did you not ask your DH about it? Seriously!

I just read it recently and need a little time for it to sink in.

Also, if he knows I'm reading his communication then he will change his password and then I will know nothing.

PP here again. I understand you want to know more but the more it goes on...the more damaging in can get. You might want to deal with it straight on soon!

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you even know she sees it as an emotional affair? Are you sure the infatuation was mutual?

She certainly flirts with him and feeds his ego. When dh mentioned he was sweaty and needed to take a shower, she said she would lick his body up and down. She then asked what he would do if she came over to our house right then, in the middle of the night.

Um WTF? If you actually read this then why in the hell did you not ask your DH about it? Seriously!

I just read it recently and need a little time for it to sink in.

Oh OP I am sorry (pp here). I would be furious reading that and would NOT be able to hold back. You have some strong resistance! I really do hope you confront him with this before contacting the woman. She obviously has issues and I do not think anything good will come from contacting her in the begnning. Talk to your DH and maybe get some counseling.

Goodluck!

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you even know she sees it as an emotional affair? Are you sure the infatuation was mutual?

She certainly flirts with him and feeds his ego. When dh mentioned he was sweaty and needed to take a shower, she said she would lick his body up and down. She then asked what he would do if she came over to our house right then, in the middle of the night.

Um WTF? If you actually read this then why in the hell did you not ask your DH about it? Seriously!

I just read it recently and need a little time for it to sink in.

Also, if he knows I'm reading his communication then he will change his password and then I will know nothing.

Are you sure this hasn't progressed to physical already?