Anonymous
11/29/2017 20:03
Subject: Re:Anyone in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable man?
Anonymous wrote:Hi - DW here. My DH and I almost have a role reversal- he's the emotionally available one and I'm the one who keeps a lot of emotions to myself, closes down when I'm upset etc. But I've gotten a lot better at communicating, mostly because DH is very patient and calm. I think calmness is a big factor. I think some people who close down are afraid of the other person's reaction when they do open up. Does your husband have a problem expressing all emotions or just negative ones? Did he grow up in a house where negative emotions were not expressed or, if expressed, were met with hostility or ignored? Or not validated (oh stop overreacting, etc.). From what you're saying it sounds like depression could be mixed in, and it sounds like he's working on it, which is a reason to hope. I know, for me at least, I'm so much better at communicating than I was- so people do change. It takes time though and effort on both parties. It sounds like you are both putting in the effort.
I could have written this exact post. I am also a DW. We did the Retouvaile program and I learned how to break down the walls that I built up and I am now much more emotionally available to my husband. So op, he can change. It sounds like he is trying.
Anonymous
11/29/2017 13:01
Subject: Anyone in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable man?
Hey recent PPs. Why don't you just say, "Hi, I'm an idiot responding to a five-year-old post."
Anonymous
11/29/2017 10:05
Subject: Re:Anyone in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable man?
Anonymous wrote:You should stop reading about what’s wrong with him and work on being less annoying to him.
Everything you write is about what’s wrong with him, what could have gone wrong in his childhood and how you don’t like his ‘emotional unavailability’. However, it appears that he thrives at work and in activities with others. You appear to literally be sucking the life out of the man.
If you truly want your marriage to work you have to turn your introspection inward.
What have you been doing to bother him and make him uncomfortable? How could you put your own husband at ease and make him happy in his own home?
This is supposed to be an intimate, joyful relationship with another person and you are failing at it. You have to accept that you are failing and stop putting the blame on your DH.
This is so true OP! I made some (what I would consider really shallow!) changes, like look hotter and complaining less and enthusiastic sex and it's like my husbands ON switch turned. Sucks but true. Then from there he's more emotionally available to me. Looking back it's like I filled his tank so he can start to fill mine. Swallow your pride and give it a try for a few weeks!
Anonymous
11/29/2017 09:59
Subject: Anyone in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable man?
Most women fail to notice any connection between "I stopped having enthusiastic (or any) sex with him" and "he stopped being emotionally available".
If you want him to open his feelings to you, keep opening your legs to him. Very simple!
If you want him to open his feelings to you, keep opening your legs to him. Very simple!
Anonymous
11/29/2017 06:56
Subject: Re:Anyone in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable man?
You should stop reading about what’s wrong with him and work on being less annoying to him.
Everything you write is about what’s wrong with him, what could have gone wrong in his childhood and how you don’t like his ‘emotional unavailability’. However, it appears that he thrives at work and in activities with others. You appear to literally be sucking the life out of the man.
If you truly want your marriage to work you have to turn your introspection inward.
What have you been doing to bother him and make him uncomfortable? How could you put your own husband at ease and make him happy in his own home?
This is supposed to be an intimate, joyful relationship with another person and you are failing at it. You have to accept that you are failing and stop putting the blame on your DH.
Everything you write is about what’s wrong with him, what could have gone wrong in his childhood and how you don’t like his ‘emotional unavailability’. However, it appears that he thrives at work and in activities with others. You appear to literally be sucking the life out of the man.
If you truly want your marriage to work you have to turn your introspection inward.
What have you been doing to bother him and make him uncomfortable? How could you put your own husband at ease and make him happy in his own home?
This is supposed to be an intimate, joyful relationship with another person and you are failing at it. You have to accept that you are failing and stop putting the blame on your DH.