Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 20:58     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
I once read that the best possible "path" for a woman was to be awkward or unattractive as a child/teenager, because then they learn to develop compassion and humor and sweetness and all the things that people desire. They're not full of themselves because they're the "prettiest" one in 7th grade. They learn to be good people. Later, when they outgrow their awkward stage and fill out and grow and are no longer gawky, but attractive, they are still the kind, humorous and smart people they learned to be when they couldn't rely on their looks. I wish my daughter a long awkward stage. I wish her gawkiness and braces and bushy eyebrows. Because I wish her sweetness and kindness and generosity and compassion, and all the things she might fail to develop if she is convinced that beauty is her most important asset. Let her be beautiful later, after she learns the important stuff. I feel sorry for all of you in this thread who have not found genuine female companionship and support in the world- whether due to your looks or not. There is nothing better than a handful of women who support you no matter what. I have many acquaintances and friends, but a circle of 4 other women who comprise my tightest circle. No jealousy, no competition- they are truly salt of the earth. All women should have that.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 20:49     Subject: Re:The downsides to being pretty....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the super attractive women who do find it a hindrance have something else going on that explains why they have a difficult time connecting with other people. But it's easier to blame their issues on how attractive they are.

Also, if women think it's rough being so attractive - try being fat. It's like you're invisible.


That's not always true. I've recently been involved in a situation where an "okay-looking, but clearly insecure about her looks" colleague purposefully shut down some opportunities for two young, very attractive women for the sole reason that they were younger and more attractive than her. Before it happened, I knew she would do it, and why, but I wasn't in a position to stop it. Her only contact with these women was via their photos, by the way - they didn't do anything to bring this on themselves.

In my field I hear quite a lot of stories about women who are targeted because of their looks. In a surprising number of cases, the targets are really not in any way to blame.


Out of curiosity, what field?

There was someone when I was a law firm associate who most of the female associates tended to look down on a bit -- but it wasn't because she was gorgeous (she was), but because she dressed in a just-barely-appropriate, nightclub-y way. Sleeveless, plunging necklines, leopard print, mini skirt. She looked amazing, and totally unprofessional. I'm sure she was smart as well as beautiful but her manner of dress made her look like a ditz. That is the only time at work I have consciously judged a woman based on her looks. And I didn't dislike her -- I just wondered about her competence or at the very least, her common sense!
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 20:44     Subject: Re:The downsides to being pretty....
Anonymous wrote:My guess is that the super attractive women who do find it a hindrance have something else going on that explains why they have a difficult time connecting with other people. But it's easier to blame their issues on how attractive they are.

Also, if women think it's rough being so attractive - try being fat. It's like you're invisible.


That's not always true. I've recently been involved in a situation where an "okay-looking, but clearly insecure about her looks" colleague purposefully shut down some opportunities for two young, very attractive women for the sole reason that they were younger and more attractive than her. Before it happened, I knew she would do it, and why, but I wasn't in a position to stop it. Her only contact with these women was via their photos, by the way - they didn't do anything to bring this on themselves.

In my field I hear quite a lot of stories about women who are targeted because of their looks. In a surprising number of cases, the targets are really not in any way to blame.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 20:04     Subject: Re:The downsides to being pretty....
From the article I can assume that she is much prettier in person - she may not be photogenic. I have a girlfriend like that. She is utterly gorgeous and has always had men fall all over her, but you would never know it if you saw a picture of her.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 20:00     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was actually going to post about a similar subject because of an incident today at work…

I am probably considered above average attractive and it has created some problems for me especially in the work environment.

Female coworkers are not friendly towards me. I have to work extra hard to establish a friendship. I was told once by a current work friend/colleague, that she originally thought I gave off an attitude of being "better" than others. I, 100% hand on the bible honestly do not feel that way whatsoever. I do find it hard to believe that it was the 'real' reason why women were often cool towards me despite my efforts to establish a connection. I don’t know if it came from a place of jealousy or intimidation or what but I don’t believe I ever gave off that impression bc I do not feel that way in any shape or form. I tend to believe that I had to try harder with females to show that I was a kind person despite my “above average” physical appearance. Its like women think I must automatically be a bitch and/or mistrustful bc of my looks. Whereas a female who may be physically average or below average does not have to try as hard to “prove” their character. (and as a side note, I will say that not ALL women have these sentiments, but many do)

It's difficult with men as well in the work environment. I find while I may be invited to client related activities and lunches and happy hours more often than other females in my office, I find that I have to work extra hard at being taken seriously. I am in no way a ditz or stupid, I have a higher ed degree from a reputable university, but my ideas and statements aren’t given the same credibility. My male counterparts’ suggestions tend to be given a little more consideration and validation than mine do. Yes, sometimes because they are better but often times I get the impression that I am just that pretty girl who they don’t pay to think strategically.

What’s helped me to deal with this all is that I do not think that any of these attitudes are in a malicious fashion or even deliberate. Its something that’s programmed in our upbringing, our culture and our society.

Undoubtedly I will get lots of comments about “oooh poor pretty girl” and “you do sound like you’re coming off as haughty” but this is truly my take on the situation and some of the discrimination I have faced.

Just my two cents.
Well, at least you have your looks.


Until they fade
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 19:57     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
14:28 here. To clarify, I have many friends who are women. But, I have only met one genuine woman friend in my entire life that wasn't catty or competitive with me at some point in the relationship. I'm not Hollywood hot. I'm just attractive enough to get treated differently. As others have suggested, there are likely other personality traits to explain why I find it difficult to befriend women.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 19:20     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:14:28 There is definitely some truth here. There are different kinds of hurdles in the job place for smart, attractive women. I think of that Working Girl quote whenever this issue annoys me - "I've got a mind for business and a body for sin." For whatever stupid reason, it cheers me up.

I tend to be thankful of the advantages - job offers from men who enjoyed being around me, professors who liked me, etc...

The hardest part is definitely finding solid girl friends. I can count them on one hand.


This is just such bullshit. One of my best friends is a true knockout. People notice her EVERYWHERE. She has many close girlfriends. Because she's funny, smart, and a great and loyal friend.

I just can't believe some of you think the reason you don't have friends is because you're so attractive. Get over yourself and have a reality check.



I'm attractive (some say beautiful) and my closest friends are women. I've always had trouble trusting men and their motives. I cherish my friendships with women and I'm a bit suspicious of "beautiful women" who can't be friends with other women.


I am suspicious of woman who call themselves beautiful
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 19:18     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
Anonymous wrote:The only British women I have known have been terribly insecure, overly mindful and critical of other women, and had an extremely warped sense of self. I know some American women like this, but not as many.

Some women may gravitate toward catty, while some not.


Likes attract likes.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 19:16     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
Anonymous wrote:I'm confident that I am prettier than her. And younger. I didn't read the article because the only downside I have seen is dreading the day when your looks fade.


Good Lord! another one who doesn't know her grammatical rules
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 18:11     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
The only British women I have known have been terribly insecure, overly mindful and critical of other women, and had an extremely warped sense of self. I know some American women like this, but not as many.

Some women may gravitate toward catty, while some not.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 17:46     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
She has the face of a troll (ba da bum).
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 17:40     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
She doesn't mention her mother. I wonder how her mother reacted to her? Was she jealous or supportive of her because of her appearance? How other women react to her may have something to do with how her mother reacted to her.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 17:31     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
Funny, I have had both stages in my life (attractive and not so much.). I believe strongly that ones relationships and trust of men and/or women have greatly to do with their own relationship with their mother and father and their treatment during formative years. I never knew I was attractive growing up, but I did feel mostly loved happy and cared about.

That said, I know very few women who would be 100 percent supportive 100 percent of the time of other women. How many times have you heard a mom give another mom accolades for a job well done?

In fact, one of my gorgeous (really) friends judges how good (not trashy,btw) she looks by other women's reactions to her.

Not all beautiful people have such an easy life. You are naive to think otherwise. Some actually do prove themselves to have knowledge and abilities.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 17:15     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
Anonymous wrote:I liked the anecdote about a woman who didn't like her standing at the front right of a group photo, which cause the author to "burst into tears." Um...really?


Yes, when I read I thought lady, you're nuts and your friends are nuts.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2012 17:14     Subject: The downsides to being pretty....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:14:28 There is definitely some truth here. There are different kinds of hurdles in the job place for smart, attractive women. I think of that Working Girl quote whenever this issue annoys me - "I've got a mind for business and a body for sin." For whatever stupid reason, it cheers me up.

I tend to be thankful of the advantages - job offers from men who enjoyed being around me, professors who liked me, etc...

The hardest part is definitely finding solid girl friends. I can count them on one hand.


This is just such bullshit. One of my best friends is a true knockout. People notice her EVERYWHERE. She has many close girlfriends. Because she's funny, smart, and a great and loyal friend.

I just can't believe some of you think the reason you don't have friends is because you're so attractive. Get over yourself and have a reality check.



I'm attractive (some say beautiful) and my closest friends are women. I've always had trouble trusting men and their motives. I cherish my friendships with women and I'm a bit suspicious of "beautiful women" who can't be friends with other women.