I agree this is about courtesy and respect and I don't think OP is in the wrong for complaining. While including the registry information is useful for gift-buying purposes (not all of us have all day to troll the Internet, searching the usual spots, and on-line registries are a thing of the relatively recent past anyway), this is never considered a mandate to buy a gift, or to even purchase a specific gift. Just merely a suggestion. Insisting on a book with a handwritten note, however, is. And once a person writes in the book, there's no returning it. What do you do with the personalized duplicates?

A friend on the west coast insisted that her east coast friends shouldn't be invited to the baby shower so they wouldn't feel pressured to attend or compelled to send a gift. OK, fine, I get that, but I would have just declined the shower and sent a gift anyway. Wouldn't be the first time. However, the hostess contacted all of her east coast about sending a book, but neglected to mention that this was in lieu of getting invited to the shower. It was a bit awkward when I had to ask!

ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:And all of you go on about how your HHI is in the mid 6 figures but complain about spending an extra 5 bucks on a friend.

The bolded part is a huge overgeneralization. Not everyone on here has a high HHI or goes on and on about it if we do.

In any case, the issue isn't $, it's courtesy and respect. It is impolite to ask specifically for a bunch of particular things. One of the complaints about OP's situation is that there are 3 requests for things and that's burdensome and grabby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think PP has a point. The invite basically asks for three gifts, which is pretty pushy. A card costs a dollar, while a nice book costs at least several dollars more if not in the mid-to-high teens for a nice hardcover. Tacky. But OP you could still go and just reapportion your overall budget among the three categories.

Absolutely amazing coming from someone on DCUM forums, the question about money. everyone around here brags about money, how much they make, etc, then grumble over giving a child something educational over a card that will likely get tossed. I personally like the idea of giving baby a book and I dont know where you shop for books but I dont spend anywhere near *mid to high teens* for a nice hardcover. There are venues to buy books that do not cost an arm and a leg. Again, pettiness

Think about it though...if you are giving a book and gift, aren't you still going to need a greeting card so the recipient knows who the gift and book are from? How many people are going to hand in a gift sans card? So in essence, she's asking for a book in addition to the card not instead of the card. Ends up costing the gift giver extra.

I believe I read instead of a card, a SIGNED book, so then they know who the book is from. As for the gift. how is a card going to show what gift was given unless the gift is written inside the card at that time?

Every baby shower I attended, someone made a list as each gift was opened

A gave a crib set
B gave a stroller
C gave diapers and outfits
D gave......Well you get the point. I guess.

Worked for us at two showers and others.

And all of you go on about how your HHI is in the mid 6 figures but complain about spending an extra 5 bucks on a friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think PP has a point. The invite basically asks for three gifts, which is pretty pushy. A card costs a dollar, while a nice book costs at least several dollars more if not in the mid-to-high teens for a nice hardcover. Tacky. But OP you could still go and just reapportion your overall budget among the three categories.

Absolutely amazing coming from someone on DCUM forums, the question about money. everyone around here brags about money, how much they make, etc, then grumble over giving a child something educational over a card that will likely get tossed. I personally like the idea of giving baby a book and I dont know where you shop for books but I dont spend anywhere near *mid to high teens* for a nice hardcover. There are venues to buy books that do not cost an arm and a leg. Again, pettiness

Think about it though...if you are giving a book and gift, aren't you still going to need a greeting card so the recipient knows who the gift and book are from? How many people are going to hand in a gift sans card? So in essence, she's asking for a book in addition to the card not instead of the card. Ends up costing the gift giver extra.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is in very poor taste to suggest the three gifts. I would put the amount that I would spend on the 1 gift in a card (cash). Done.

At my cousin's bridal shower. She had all of her guests write their name and address on the outside of a blank envelope so that she didn't have to write them for the thank yous. Talk about LAZY!! My aunts and I refused to do it. Wow. What's next.. we can write our own thank yous???

Tacky.

I can beat that. At pretty much every shower - wedding or baby - I have been to for the past 5 years, I have been requested to address my own thank you but also to note inside the envelope flap, what my gift was. So all Cousin has to do is write "hey you, thanks for the XYZ."

This drives me insane. My girlfriends did it at the shower they hosted for me (I didn't know in advance), and I was so embarrassed! I made sure to write heartfelt/sincere thank you notes, but still felt a little awkward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Including registry information IS tacky, as is asking for three presents. Yes, the purpose of a shower is to shower the recipient with gifts. If a guest doesn't know what to buy, s/he can ask the host or hostess where the parents are registered. Or just check and see if the person is registered at BRU or Target.

Those of you who registered: Were you registered someplace obscure? Or could anyone have looked it up on the Internet in a minute or two?

When my daughter was pregnant, we went to BRU to do a baby registry. Once done, you are handed a package that includes little card stock that shows where you are registered. We put them into each invitation. How are people supposed to know where you are registered without telling them, or the fact of what is needed rather than end up with stuff you dont need/will go to waste? I am sorry, I dont find an issue with this at all

BRU does this so they make money, not because it's the socially acceptable thing to do. They'd love you to emblazen your car with the registry info, too, doesn't mean it's right.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Including registry information IS tacky, as is asking for three presents. Yes, the purpose of a shower is to shower the recipient with gifts. If a guest doesn't know what to buy, s/he can ask the host or hostess where the parents are registered. Or just check and see if the person is registered at BRU or Target.

Those of you who registered: Were you registered someplace obscure? Or could anyone have looked it up on the Internet in a minute or two?

When my daughter was pregnant, we went to BRU to do a baby registry. Once done, you are handed a package that includes little card stock that shows where you are registered. We put them into each invitation. How are people supposed to know where you are registered without telling them, or the fact of what is needed rather than end up with stuff you dont need/will go to waste? I am sorry, I dont find an issue with this at all

BRU does this so they make money, not because it's the socially acceptable thing to do. They'd love you to emblazen your car with the registry info, too, doesn't mean it's right.

Anonymous wrote:It is in very poor taste to suggest the three gifts. I would put the amount that I would spend on the 1 gift in a card (cash). Done.

At my cousin's bridal shower. She had all of her guests write their name and address on the outside of a blank envelope so that she didn't have to write them for the thank yous. Talk about LAZY!! My aunts and I refused to do it. Wow. What's next.. we can write our own thank yous???

Tacky.

I can beat that. At pretty much every shower - wedding or baby - I have been to for the past 5 years, I have been requested to address my own thank you but also to note inside the envelope flap, what my gift was. So all Cousin has to do is write "hey you, thanks for the XYZ."

Asking for 3 gifts essentially is a bit much, but the registry isn't tacky. A shower is to give gifts after all. Very easy for me to just go to the registry site and pick out a gift.

I understand your annoyance, and not going but still giving a gift is fine.

Anonymous wrote:Including registry information IS tacky, as is asking for three presents. Yes, the purpose of a shower is to shower the recipient with gifts. If a guest doesn't know what to buy, s/he can ask the host or hostess where the parents are registered. Or just check and see if the person is registered at BRU or Target.

Those of you who registered: Were you registered someplace obscure? Or could anyone have looked it up on the Internet in a minute or two?

When my daughter was pregnant, we went to BRU to do a baby registry. Once done, you are handed a package that includes little card stock that shows where you are registered. We put them into each invitation. How are people supposed to know where you are registered without telling them, or the fact of what is needed rather than end up with stuff you dont need/will go to waste? I am sorry, I dont find an issue with this at all

Anonymous wrote:I think PP has a point. The invite basically asks for three gifts, which is pretty pushy. A card costs a dollar, while a nice book costs at least several dollars more if not in the mid-to-high teens for a nice hardcover. Tacky. But OP you could still go and just reapportion your overall budget among the three categories.

Absolutely amazing coming from someone on DCUM forums, the question about money. everyone around here brags about money, how much they make, etc, then grumble over giving a child something educational over a card that will likely get tossed. I personally like the idea of giving baby a book and I dont know where you shop for books but I dont spend anywhere near *mid to high teens* for a nice hardcover. There are venues to buy books that do not cost an arm and a leg. Again, pettiness

Anonymous wrote:I just got an invite to a baby shower for a cousin. In addition to mentioning that there would be a "wishing well" (for little things that new moms wish they had) and sending a link to the babies r us registry for larger gifts, they included a note asking us to please give a signed book in lieu of a card. To me this seems like an incredibly tacky demand for additional gifts, albeit small ones. I mean, we are already buying them something for their registry, why must we give them a book and "wishing well" gift in addition? I'm RSVPing no and just sending something from the registry.

Considering the price of a baby shower card can cost the same as a small baby book, I dont see why this would be an issue. I think that is an awesome and meaningful idea rather than a drawer full of greeting cards one may not know what to do. While the MENTION a wish well will be there, does it mean you MUST comply and put something in there? As for the online link, i see absolutely nothing wrong with that because this is such a technological age, it is thought that everyone has a computer connection. I think you are being petty.

Total shake down.

For a friend's shower the theme was something along the lines of "please share your favorite children's book," instead of the regular gifts. While it's somewhat tacky to presume people are bringing gifts, we all know that's really the point of the shower. I loved the book idea -- each one of us provided a book and shared why the book meant so much to us. It was a fun shower.