Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:42     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
I don't understand why people are so up in arms that someone allowed their child to invite just 5 people to her birthday party. Just because this other girl had a party that same weekend doesn't mean the OP had to change their plans. She had a 5 person party. What's the big deal? Are people not allowed to have small parties anymore? And if you opt for a small party, but someone else didn't, that means you can't go to that party? That doesn't make sense to me.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:34     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:"Annabelle, if you are going to go to Juliet's party, she gets invited to your party. It's your choice. You can stay home from her party, but if you are going to her party, she has to go to come to your party. Up to you."


This is what we would do in a similar situation too.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:31     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
I actually think it's funny that you're so insanely prissy and raising your daughter to be the same way. I know a woman who never went to the gyno until she was in her late twenties because they 'didn't talk about that kind of thing' in her family. Seems you're headed down the same path.

I agree with pp's - you rarely find this kind of unity in responses on DCUM. You were wrong, you made a bad choice, and your responses are only digging you deeper.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:30     Subject: Re:S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.


Count me among the posters who think you handled this terribly. You say, "we allowed her to handle it herself" - but you knew what she was going to do, and despite your apparent prissy attitude, it's pretty mean to not invite someone to your party when she invites you to her own ON THE SAME DAY. You allow kids to make their own decisions when they are the ones who can be affected by bad decisions - that's how they learn. The only think your daughter learned is that you're OK with her being mean and making others feel bad. Parenting fail.

By the way, my 7 yo girly girl thinks poop and fart jokes, talk, etc. are hilarious. I don't agree, and I'm kinda pissed that my husband taught her the "pull my finger" joke, but sheesh - lighten up, Francis.


They weren't on the same day. I didn't say they were on the same day. They were on the same weekend.

I'm glad your daughter thinks this talk is hilarious, but does she talk about in incessantly?


Why didn't you tell your daughter that because this girl's language bothers her so much that she should not attend the girl's bday party so she would not have to be subjected to her language?
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:27     Subject: Re:S/O being excluded from birthday parties
I agree with:
-You are in the right to invite a small group of children to your daughter' party and allow her to pick which ones. (you mentioned that fewer rather than more of the class got invited).
-It was right of you to encourage your daughter to invite the other girl (girl B) when she received Girls B's invite. Your daughter didn't want Girl B there, so fine.

I disagree with:
-You should have told your daughter not to tell the Girl B why she wasn't invited, a simple "we could only have so many people" would have been sufficient. (I would have a different view if the other girl was physically or verbally aggressive, not just told jokes in bad taste)
-You should not have allowed your daughter to attend Girl B's party. If Girl B wasn't good enough for your daughter to invite to her party than your daughter should not have taken advantage of Girl B's hospitality.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:19     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


Notice that most people aren't criticizing your daughter. It is you who acted terribly here. Your child is 7, not 17. She should not have had sole decision-making power here. You really played this one wrong, and it ended up hurting a child and teaching your child a terrible lesson.


+1 You had a valuable teaching moment, and you completely squandered it. Even worse, I think that you don't even realize that you parented poorly.


I'm sorry? How fucking dare you.


Have you read 99% of the responses to the way you handled your DD's birthday party? This level of consensus is rare on DCUM, and when it happens, you'd be better off listening to it. BTW, you crude response only proves my point. You don't even realize....
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:14     Subject: Re:S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, after reading this thread, I started a post that gave you the benefit of the doubt, as I read it that the other girl was not the only one excluded because your DD had a very small party. The way I read it, there were several others excluded and this one girl only became an issue because your DD was invited to her party. That just presents an awkward situation--do you tell your DD that she can't have the party she really wants because you can't afford to invite everyone at $50 a head? Or pick something more affordable so that you can avoid hurt feelings of your DD's classmates?

But after reading your responses, I have no desire to defend you as I have no doubt that if your daughter is as mean as you are, she enjoyed hurting this girl's feelings. What terrible values to instill in your child.

And, by the way, spending $50 per head on a child's birthday party is just plain stupid.



So, let's review:

You started out with the best of intentions, and decided that my not only did my child hurt another child, you somehow got to she enjoyed it. Will you be taking those mystical mind-reading powers on the road there, momma?

I spent $400 on the party. How much do you spend? Who cares if it's $50 a head for six kids or $25 a head for 12?


The difference is, at $25 per head, you wouldn't have had to exclude anyone and you wouldn't be in this situation.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:14     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
OP, no one agrees with you. You have not found ONE sympathizer here. Not one. You can argue your point all day long, to no avail. Most people think that you did something in poor taste that also taught a bad lesson to your daughter. Your responses to the criticism further highlight your nasty attitude (I am guessing you are the one who wrote "how fucking dare you") even though a potty mouth is what excluded that child from your DD's party.

Grow up. You made a mistake, learn something from it.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:11     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. Feel free not to invite me to your next party.


No, not quite. This was NOT just an 'unfortunate sequence of events'. This was you setting a really bad example for your DD and an overall case of bad parenting on your part. I doubt that any of us will convince you of this, which is too bad.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:10     Subject: Re:S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:OP, after reading this thread, I started a post that gave you the benefit of the doubt, as I read it that the other girl was not the only one excluded because your DD had a very small party. The way I read it, there were several others excluded and this one girl only became an issue because your DD was invited to her party. That just presents an awkward situation--do you tell your DD that she can't have the party she really wants because you can't afford to invite everyone at $50 a head? Or pick something more affordable so that you can avoid hurt feelings of your DD's classmates?

But after reading your responses, I have no desire to defend you as I have no doubt that if your daughter is as mean as you are, she enjoyed hurting this girl's feelings. What terrible values to instill in your child.

And, by the way, spending $50 per head on a child's birthday party is just plain stupid.



So, let's review:

You started out with the best of intentions, and decided that my not only did my child hurt another child, you somehow got to she enjoyed it. Will you be taking those mystical mind-reading powers on the road there, momma?

I spent $400 on the party. How much do you spend? Who cares if it's $50 a head for six kids or $25 a head for 12?
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:09     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


Notice that most people aren't criticizing your daughter. It is you who acted terribly here. Your child is 7, not 17. She should not have had sole decision-making power here. You really played this one wrong, and it ended up hurting a child and teaching your child a terrible lesson.



I'm sorry you think a 7 yo is incapable of making her own social decisions. But I guess that's to be expected in this area.
Am I to understand you would insist your child invite another child she doesn't want to a party? Really?


Some 7 year-olds may be. Yours obviously is not. It wasn't wrong to let her try to handle it herself, but it was wrong for you to let it continue as it did. When it became clear that your child was not mature enough to make this decision, you should have stepped in and taken the power back from her.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:08     Subject: Re:S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Look, reciprocity is not only compassionate and respectful, it's just good manners. Part of teaching your child to say please and thank you. It's also a good way of keeping friends.

Let's all agree that the other child uses inappropriate jokes. In fact, let's assume they are really inappropriate, let's say she makes sexual jokes and it's REALLY awkward. It would still be wrong for your to have let your daughter do what she did. You should have asked your daughter why she still wanted to attend the other girl's party and talked about reciprocity. If the daughter doesn't like this friend so much, she doesn't go to the other party either.

Also, you could have talked about hurting other people's feelings and being rude.

Finally, you could have brainstormed methods with your child to deal with inappropriate or weird comments.

God, lady, you are a bitch.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:07     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


Notice that most people aren't criticizing your daughter. It is you who acted terribly here. Your child is 7, not 17. She should not have had sole decision-making power here. You really played this one wrong, and it ended up hurting a child and teaching your child a terrible lesson.



I'm sorry you think a 7 yo is incapable of making her own social decisions. But I guess that's to be expected in this area.

Am I to understand you would insist your child invite another child she doesn't want to a party? Really?



"Annabelle, if you are going to go to Juliet's party, she gets invited to your party. It's your choice. You can stay home from her party, but if you are going to her party, she has to go to come to your party. Up to you."
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:05     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


Notice that most people aren't criticizing your daughter. It is you who acted terribly here. Your child is 7, not 17. She should not have had sole decision-making power here. You really played this one wrong, and it ended up hurting a child and teaching your child a terrible lesson.


+1 You had a valuable teaching moment, and you completely squandered it. Even worse, I think that you don't even realize that you parented poorly.


I'm sorry? How fucking dare you.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:05     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


Bullshit - you already said you'd increase that by one for the other birthday girl. This is not a matter of "there were limited slots, and there are 5 other people she'd rather have." It is "I don't want HERr at MY party, but I'm happy to attend hers."

Yes, who knows what goes on in the mind of a 7 yo. That's why her freakin' parent need to step in and make sure that she is not intentionally ir inadvertently hurtful to other kids. I do agree that the lion's share of the fault here does not lie with yoru daughter - it lies with you. This is not the kind of outcome a responsible parent permits, and not the kind of lesson a responsible parent teaches to her kid. You're settign her up to be as clueless and mean as . . . well, as you.